2 Dating 2 Relationships Thread II: The Squeakquel NSFW • Page 40

I’ve read that divorce rates have gone down due to the millennial generation. But I think that’s largely in part because less people are getting married so young and in general. Obviously we are talking about a select group that do, but most people that I actually associate with are either single or just have a SO

 

Also, is it really a tragedy that people get married knowing they could get divorced if things go south? It was special in the moment, and then it wasn’t. I think it’s good to try and make things work, but I also believe it’s entirely possible that you just married the wrong person.

 

I'm a cynical child of divorce and I come from a family where like literally everyone I can think of who has been married has divorced and I feel like most of the couples I know irl should be divorced. I wouldn't rule marriage out but it has little appeal for me. But RomComs have taught me that one day a manic pixie dream guy will teach me that I can let my hair down and trust and fall in love, and then he'll lose my trust after a misunderstanding and I'll say "~i knew I shouldn't have opened up my heart to u! Back to being a cold bitch" but then it'll be resolved after a grand gesture and we'll have a dramatic and romantic reconciliation.

Anyway.

 

To me that mentality is dooming it to fail from the get go and I just don't understand it

 

I’m not saying you should go into a marriage with that mindset. Obviously if you’re getting married then I’d hope/imagine that you’d wanna do it for real. I’m more just suggesting that I think divorce has been stigmatized, mostly by religion, and it really shouldn’t be.

Edit: I understand some of this changes if you have kids together. Although I don’t really believe in staying together “for the kids” if you’re unhappy. They’ll notice that

 

Personally, as of now, I don’t have any real reasons for not wanting to get married other than the thought of just being with one person doesn’t sound appealing to me

 

Also I think it's great when everyone involved is rly into the commitment and marriage but too often I've seen the woman take the commitment way more seriously and then be miserable because their spouse doesn't. I mean I know nobody in here is advocating for that. And I do come from the perspective of knowing a lot of religious women who have been socialized that they need to endure anything with their husband and be a good wife so it's a lil skewed towards that. One of my good friends had that mindset and was miserable and her husband was cheating on her and she'd still wake up at the crack of dawn to be the perfect lil wife and make him his breakfast. ugh. It's a huge issue with some populations

 

We're on the same page. I'm agreeing with you.

 

please marry me somebody

 

Ok I’ve changed my mind I want to get married to Cups

 

that was a quick turnaround

 

Yes daddy

 

damn only one suitor and it's a perverted dog always a bridesmaid never a bride

 

This reminds me, my mom and her siblings are all boomers and when they talk about my grandma they often use the word “submissive” to describe her. In theirs minds, it is being said as a positive thing. She was the classic 40s/50s wife, and I think she has enjoyed her life, for the most part. But my sister and I were talking recently about how bizarre it is that they still use that word fondly lol

Edit: oh yeah, they are hyper religious fyi

 

How sure are you rn?

 

@prettyvisitors

 

always a first time for everything

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds to me like your taking it in stride and being the bigger person, for that you should be proud.

Have you tried giving her an ultimatum in regards to therapy? Sounds very postpartum depression like even though I'm no doctor. If she still refuses, I feel like you need to get out for you and your son's sanity and health.

 

Don’t settle cups, dog doesn’t deserve you

 

Sorry you have to go through this. I'd definitely encourage her to talk to a therapist. If not, you might need to get out.

 

Do you guys have help watching the baby? Is there maybe a way y’all can have some time during the day or night to go out and talk in a different setting and maybe even have some fun doing something?

 

It def sounds like she has some trauma she needs to work thru. It could be so many things. she could be feeling like her body doesn't feel like "her" anymore and tbh women are often so socialized to feel like they're no longer desirable after giving birth (ex. The "husband stitch", douchebags like Ethan hawke saying having sex with Uma Thurman after she gave birth was "like fucking a glass of water" and then he cheated on her). It could also be dyspareunia after childbirth or the fact that hormones are all over the place. I have a few friends who even a year after giving birth said that things didn't feel "right" and they didn't have a desire for sex for a long time. Of course this could be part of an explanation but doesn't make her treating you poorly okay. The hard part is that if someone isn't ready for help u can't really make them. Maybe instead of therapy she'd be willing to join a support group or join an online forum of women who've given birth so she can begin to process her feelings?

Lmao @ me who just said a few posts back that my answer to everything is DIVORCE or break up, but I am kinda surprised at the "leave" responses here

 

@LessThanTrevor if therapy doesn't happen and she doesn't want to look into any postpartum depression stuff, I say you gotta at least take a break and some separation (real easy for me to say over here I know) and that's not promising anything about reconciling either. I feel like time apart is what is needed badly so both you and her can truly reflect on what you both want in life and how you want to continue. It's really hard to reflect on yourselves when you are constantly (sounds more like she is constantly but you know what i mean) bashing heads and colliding into each other. I'm sorry you are going through this but you are taking the courageous and healthy step of opening up to help. With situations like these there really aren't any simple, quick solutions and they are very significant times in our lives. It's time for you to do what is absolutely best for you and your child. This environment as it is does not sound conducive what so ever.

 

I hear you, it just really sounds like you gotta make a move, this isn't going to fix itself with the way she feels about any kind of professional help. Talk to any friends and family you trust and see what they have to say, think about any possible options. I just think changing nothing and hoping for the best is the worst thing you can do. I'm sorry if i'm crossing any boundaries I surely don't want to tell you DO THIS NOW, but i'm just throwing out some considerations because this situation seems real toxic and unfixable unless a drastic measure is taken.