(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 358

I will say my cousin was like 22 and her husband like 32 when they met and they're a great couple so again nothing universal or set in stone

 

I know it can. And manipulative and abusive people will also target those of all ages. I think younger ppl are just more susceptible to it and the power dynamics being off lead to a lot of shady things that wouldn't exist without that power dynamic

Edit: and in response to ur edit that's def true but I think the consequences are more dire if one person is young and inexperienced and the other is older and at a an advantage

 

I came here not so much to ask if was wrong to pursue but how to deal with the fact that I can't be with her and still have to work with her.

It really frustrates me that I can't date her. It also frustrates me that she is going to be gone by the end of summer (she says she will work breaks but who knows)

I have a therapy appointment tommorrow and hopefully I won't be too embarrassed to explain how I feel.

 

Tbh I have kinda been waiting for someone to say their mom was like 2 and their dad was 110 when they met and they're still together to this day!! Lol

 

Good luck at your appointment! Hope it goes well!

 

Glad I didn't say it lol

 

For sure I'm just saying you can be at the same place inwardly but different ages, as me and my gf are but again our age difference is very small in the grand scheme of things. I def get being cautious about a huge age gap and I also get the reluctance to put a blanket statement on that kind of thing. It's a tricky balance and it requires sound judgement from both parties and the people around them to let them know if like hey this doesn't seem right or hey there's nothing wrong with your situation. A good support system can help recognize issues like that

 

Lots of this shit in here rn.

 

People keep trying to make it about individual experience; however, there is the objective structure of patriarchy which establishes a regime of violence that supports male dominance, that socializes men and women according to specific roles, thereby structuring every relationship between men and women in such a way as to make a power imbalance the default. Differences like age amplify those imbalances for a number of reasons, the most obvious of which has been on full display in some of the responses of men in here,i.e., the belief that one's feelings are just one's feelings, absent a social context and the feelings of women who are relating just how damaging those unequal relationships can be. Feelings are social, they have a broader context, they require reflection, as well as an understanding of what the consequences may be if consummated. It is important to understand this, to dispense with the narcissism and to treat your feelings, romantic or otherwise, as something that exists beyond the world that exists in your head or heart, if you'd like to be sentimental.


But, maybe I'm just being an asshole. Probs not, though.

 

Absolutely agree with all of this and why it's important to be cautious and cognizant of these things

 

It's not age gaps I have an issue with. They can be huge for all care. Your age gap doesn't even seem like an issue at all. My issue is when one person is barely or not even an adult yet dating a grown man. Like mine and my ex's gap was only 6 years. I don't think 6 years is a big age gap. The problem wasn't 6 years. The problem is when one person is very young and at such a huge disadvtange with someone who is older and more experienced and the power dynamics are inherently unequal.

 

Yeah absolutely understand that, it matters exactly what age we're talking about here. 17 and 22, for example, is much different than 21 and 26

 

Thanks

 

Blumpkin. Smegma.

 

I know what blumpkin is but Smegma sounds like a pokemon character.

 

Yeah and sry if I worded all my posts badly lol. I wasn't trying to say that just cause I had an age gap relationship that was toxic and didn't work out, they're all doomed to fail. I was trying to get at that it's a wider societal issue of young girls/women dating older men and it ending up toxic. When so many women have similar stories and experiences it is no longer just an anecdotal individual thing - it is clearly a wider issue that needs to be talked about, but I always have a hard time conversing (espesh with men) about it because it's just really difficult to articulate this abstract thing that is so real and present but hard to explain? Idk idk. Like at least when I disagree with someone about it who doesn't identify as a cis man its kinda easier to know what we're talking about to be on a similar page but I have a hard time articulating that feeling with a lot of men and I'm like blegh word vomit. Ok I'm done now lol.



In other news, my bff broke up with her awful bf thank God! They had gotten back together but he outed himself as the vile human he is. My friend keeps joking that she won't be single long cause she's afraid to be alone and is a relationship jumper and I'm like sis as long as the next one is a nice decent human!!!

 

True story... during my soccer games in college, my roommate would have our fans chant "you are smegma" to the other team. And of course, no one knew wtf it meant, haha.

 

Don't look it up.

 

a relationship jumper?

Wish you would step back from that relationship my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
I would understand,

 

Well of course that made me look it up...

 

I would sing this to her every day if I could. She likes guys that can be sarcastic and banter with her cause she's a smart ass, but unfortunately she has a hard time finding that line between "silly banter that is light hearted and fun" and "actual terrible person that talks down to others."

 

My mom asked what smegma was when we played cards against humanity

 

I'd die

 

Oh no your posts were worded fine! Always appreciate your perspective on anything

 

My Aunt asked me what Bukakke was over Christmas.