Mental Health Thread • Page 225

I was having a really good day. One of the first good mental health days in a long time where I felt like I was starting to move forward and get some confidence in myself. Then I was browsing around at Target and I got approached by two younger women who were very nice and just chatted with them and then at the end they tried to recruit me into one of those pyramid scheme companies where they basically act all cultish and a community. This has happened to me twice before. They target people who are alone and look vulnerable and then try to get close to hope you have nothing going for you and sink their teeth into you. It really fucking ruined my day.

It makes me feel like that's just the demeanor I have. This outward impression that I'm hopeless and lost and easily swayed or something. The fact that it's happened twice before made it even worse. I was doing so well today and now I feel worse than I've felt in a while and I have no one to talk to about it here. I'm all alone here.

 

So as a result of some bullshit that doesn't even make any sense, my dad lost his job and now pretty much everything in my family is falling apart. I've had to get SNAP and Medicaid to just attempt to stay afloat. Not that there's anything wrong with going on those programs; I've always been a major supporter of them and I would never look down on anyone on them. But all of this shit is really, really new to me and it's honestly stressing me the fuck out.

It's getting tiring being the one trying to keep everyone calm when I'm barely able to keep myself calm. I feel like one of these days, I may eventually break. Like, I'm not feeling suicidal like I did back in January/February, so I guess at least I have that going for me, but it feels like there's always some sort of new issue I have to deal with every single day. I don't know how much more I can actually take.

 

Thank you so much!!! It definitely helped a lot, and I think I'll be able to get my storage unit all paid off either tomorrow or Thursday. It takes a few days for the money to get into my account, but its going to be a huge relief to get that out of the way. I might have a gig this weekend that will pay $300, so if that happens, I'll be able to shave that off my goal. I have some interviews lined up this week as well. If all this plays out well, I might actually be able to move in September and be back on my feet.

 

Nice! Good to hear things are going in a positive direction. I really hope the interviews go well for you! Rooting for you!

 

It's my birthday and I feel nothing. I would like to feel at least a tinge of excitement. My boyfriend bought me really lovely gifts, my family are all excited about celebrating my birthday, and I just want to be alone. I can't stand being on the outside, watching other people's excitement and happiness and envying them.

At least Mitski's new album is out on Friday and my boyfriend will be here in exactly three weeks, hopefully I'm not still emotionless and hating myself then lol

 

I hate not remembering things. There are certain things I cannot remember and it really gets to me. It brings me to tears because I get depressed over it. One thing being this stuffed animal my aunt gave me, which is the exact same stuffed animal I had when I was a baby, but this one was in perfectly good condition. I don't remember what happened to it. I feel as my mom gave it away a while back without asking (especially when I was gone) because she'd do that with my belongings. I feel like I wouldn't voluntarily give it away

 

Isn't mercury in retrograde of the leo moon inside the waffle house or something this year? Is that what we're all feelin?

 

Got call and interview same day. Looks promising. Supervisor I interviewed with said I can have any shift I want because theyre looking to hire for both. So I guess that means I got the job?? I mentioned my vacation and it seems like theyre ok with it (supervisor has to go over my stuff with higher management, they were in a meeting when I was there so she couldnt do it right then), I just said idk how they want to work around my vacation and start date time (I mentioned I would like at least to give my 2 weeks), plus I know I'm likely going to have to go in for a livescan, physical, and TB (maybe drug test too) before I can start.

 

TW: self-harm

Yesterday, I quit the clinic after two months of intense therapy, and I feel like such a different person than the one who first entered it, in a good way.

To be fair, the road to get there was rough as these last few weeks were some of the hardest I've ever been through.

First, my fear of opening up about myself, and especially about personal and intimate issues, got too strong that I relapsed by self-harming for the first time in a long while.

Thankfully, the friends I've made there reached out to me, which decreased my loneliness and the urges to make new scars.

One big step I immediately took after this dark episode was telling the therapist at that place and a few of these friends about my gender identity issues and how they impact my mental health.

I can't use enough words to convey how freeing it was to tell someone, for the first time not on the internet but in real life, that I hate my male body and everything around it, and that I want to be a woman.

The response was not only positive, but also met with lots of advices, which means that I don't necessarily need to hide my true self to everyone anymore.

Now I'm a bit more aware of what I'm capable of, that I'm not a monster who will keep getting screwed over by people, and that I have what it takes to live a « normal » life without the chains and the pressure put by my family and former toxic acquaintances.

I feel like this is the start of the second part of my life. I have the tools and the means to take care of it, and now I just need to practice self love and to go for it right now. There's no time for regrets.

 

love seeing this! so happy for you

 

I was supposed to have a therapy appt today but I had to cancel. I called on Tuesday and asked if it could be moved later in the day or sometime next week cause I would rly like an appt. They haven't called back and the appt was supposed to be today, and I think she's on vacay tomorrow. It's just frustrating. If you're gonna be gone then update your voicemail. I haven't been to therapy in months and it's my fault because I keep canceling but I feel like their hours and stuff are also not flexible.

I just feel like I've been wallowing in self pity and I'm convinced everyone hates me and I've been working on a case that's a lil triggering and I've had to be outside of my comfort zone a lot lately and I feel like even just one session would put me back on the right train of thought but my job is so busy and demanding I can't keep an appt. My last job I pretty much made my own schedule and even tho I was overworked and busy I made appts easily. and this job I set my own schedule kinda too, but with the caveat that many things I schedule are staffings with multiple people so I don't rly get much say when everything is. Everything just feels like a lot rn.

 

do I never leave my house because I'm depressed or am I depressed because I never leave my house hmmm

 

Last weekend I reached out to my old therapist bc I was really, really down. My appt is on Tuesday, which is perfect timing bc not only am I moving next weekend, but I’ve also just been coasting and not facing any of my emotions. I keep thinking of the girl I had to stop talking to, I feel like such an obsessive freak. I wish I could turn my brain off.

But... I think it’ll be healthier to talk it out in therapy

 

I was looking for this comment to reply to earlier bc I was listening to the new Mitski and remembered this post! I hope you’re enjoying it and feeling a bit better

 

i hope this doesn't come off as ungrateful but when people say "reach out if you need anything" it just seems too vague of a gesture to really mean that, explicitly. like, yes, there are a lot of things i need right now. i've made that very clear, and made myself vulnerable by making my needs very public. it was hard enough for me to open up like that to begin with. i'm not mad, but i just think its something ppl shouldn't say when they feel bad for someone. "what do you need right now" would be more inviting. or just a simple "i'm sorry you're going through this. sending you my best wishes" i'm probably too caught up in my head about this. the sentiment is there, but the invitation doesn't feel welcoming.

 

Anyone on prozac or a different SSRI start recalling dreams significantly more often than when they weren't on it? That is happening with me for sure.

 

The place I interviewed at never got back to me and i even called and left a message for the person I interviewed with. No curtosey update. Maybe higher management wasn’t ok with my vacation? Anyway I had another place call me about an interview that same day and i called them back today saying I’m still interested if there’s slots available so now i have an interview this week with this othe place

 

I relapsed tonight and I feel way, way worse than I did when I opened the bottles

 

I finally have a therapy appt I think I wont cancel. I just feel like I'm so bad at articulating my feelings. It's my natural instinct to downplay. I almost feel like I need a Lilith Sternin counselor who is expressionless because when I see my therapist's face change I panic and draw back. Which isn't her fault I just am obsessed with being a people pleaser and when someone's face changes in response to what I say I instinctually want to back peddle until their face goes back to normal. But because of that I have a difficult time opening up and people think I'm not doing that bad cause I downplay everything. Idk how not to do it.

 

Uhh so I went from being 100% convinced I shouldn't go away to school next week because I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease and I have been dealing with that on top of my mental health (bipolar, OCD) to convinced that I have to do this. I don't really want to spend another four months doing nothing, I want to be back in school, and I have been offered SUCH a good opportunity to attend school without having to worry too much about money because of my scholarships. I feel like passing this up without at least trying would be absurd and I'd regret it. I also do really want to get out of my hometown and live in Maine. I'm setting it up so I'm mostly taking online classes, so I can come home and retreat as often as I need to and I also still have appointments here because it's easier than switching doctors in the middle of treatment. My plan is to give it a shot and if I can't do it, if it's too hard for me with my mental and/or physical health, I'll take a leave of absence. At least then I can say I tried. Hopefully my professors will be understanding enough that they'll be willing to work with me so I won't even have to do that.

But now it's setting in that I only have a week left here and I'm having such mixed feelings about it. I'm really excited but also really nervous. I've been going to college on/off since I was 18 (I'm 25 now) but this is the first time I could afford room and board so it's my first time ever living in a new town and on a college campus - I went to my local school so I could live at home, and most of the time I lived with my parents because my mental illnesses and Fibromyalgia made it too hard to financially support myself. Does anyone have any tips on coping with the anxiety of being in a new town and/or living on campus for the first time? Especially when dealing with mental illnesses or physical illnesses?

 

First off, major props for how you’ve thought through the ways to increase your comfort level.

One suggestion is to treat the move like a blank slate. It’ll be easy to fall into past habits, but try and establish the healthy habits you want right away and do your damndest to stick to them. And if you don’t, try again the next time you work up the motivation.

Definitely going to be some moments where you’re like “wtf did I get myself into?” But I hope they’ll happen few and far between.

You’ve already worked out the worst case scenario and that’s taking a leave of absence. No sweat and something I did myself. Anyway, get excited!!

 

Had the interview at the other place. They’re offering me the job (still never heard back from the 1st place) will likely be starting after my vacation which is fine with me. Once I get a tb and physical done (they were able to transfer my finger prints) then I go and do paper work so everything is set up

 

Going to get a physical for new job this up coming week. Hope I also find answers to my health or they can tell me to go see my pcp. Since I had transferring locations a few months back my health has declined drastically. Worse than my previous job. To the point where my bf is really worried about me.

 

If you are worried about it, can you go to your doctor anyway before this physical? Not in a rude way, just if I wasn't well I'd be down to my GP already (not that they'd help, they're totally useless at times which might answer my question already)

 

Me when I’m just numb.