Mental Health Thread • Page 217

:(

 

I’m digging the Robert Frost book

 

I'm so confused about my life right now and I want to type it out but I'm afraid I'll sound too dysfunctional and like I guess I worry about that in every scenario including on internet mental health forums and also in support groups for people with almost the exact same issues as me, but I needed to write something I guess so here I am.

 

All right, this is the last place I’m gonna post this. Figured it made sense in here since it will greatly reduce my dysphoria and therefor improve my mental well-being. Any way you can help, be it financially or just spreading it around, it would mean a ton.

Click here to support Audrey’s Surgery Fund organized by Audrey Ayers

 

Not really in a good place, but this made me happy. Glad she’s okay!

 

I really, really wish I was in a position to help donate to this.

 

I think I gotta get off this Effexor. I feel fucking awful some days. Like Lexapro wasn’t really helping my anxiety much, but I didn’t feel THIS depressed on it.

I need to see a psychiatrist and try to find a new therapist. I feel like I’m spiraling. I feel useless. There’s no purpose to my life.

Also even though I don’t know any of you, I love you all and it makes me feel better to scroll through here.

 

Hey, it’s totally okay, I appreciate the thought alone tbh. If you can think of anywhere you might be able to share it, that’d be really cool but if not, I def understand.

 

Happy to help in any small way. You can always message me for cat pics or if you need someone to talk to :)

 

i was on lexapro for a while and my doc switched me to zoloft to better help with my anxiety. been a few months now and so far so good

and hey, you might be spiraling but you RECOGNIZE it and plan to do something about it. that ain't half bad

 

SAME except for dog pics from me lol

 

My primary dr seemed kind of annoyed w me after we talked last time, but I think it’s bc we’ve already tried 3-4 diff meds (including hydroxyzine as needed, which helped NONE). I wish Xanax and alike weren’t so addicting bc id honestly just be okay taking that for the rest of my life. I’ll keep Zoloft in mind the next time I see her! Ty!!

 

yeahhhh that'd be me and klonopin. works a bit too well for me heh

 

I haven't rly been following my Mint app because the last few months has been extremely unusual in terms of my spending and income so I felt like it wasn't an accurate portrayal of my finances anyway. Well today I got everything all updated and OMG I'm gonna have a fit nervous breakdown of my finances. I only get paid monthly now and I just need to make it a lil further but omg. I've put myself on a spending freeze until I get paid but I'm so stressed and anxious. Quitting my job was relieving but absolutely devastating financially. It'll probably take like years to recoup what I spent from my savings because my dumb car broke down right after I quit my job and that was just crushing financially. Buying a new car has destroyed my calm too. I've never had a car payment and its rly stressing me out. Everything is stressing me out. I look at Mint and I'm like literally how do I spend this much a month?? But most of it isn't even on me its rent and bills and student loans. Very little is actually towards whims or hobbies or impulses or whatever. It's so defeating.

 

I know exactly what you mean. Finances is one of my biggest triggers for anxiety.

 

It sucks and I feel like a jerk for even stressing because I make more than other ppl but I haven't been paid in like 4 months and I am losing it.

But most of my regrets are with my car. I wish I would've negotiated more. Every time I go to a dealership I feel like the dumb woman who doesn't know about cars stereotype. I wish I would've put my foot down with having them come down on the price, but I also have like a need to be nice and polite and please everyone which I think is why I didn't put my foot down and I'm just so mad at myself for it. The circumstances under which I bought my car were also extremely stressful and I regret not listening to my gut and canceling the entire thing and trying another day. I try so hard not to offend or inconvenience others I'm constantly screwing myself over and then I beat myself up for it.

 

Also it's annoying af that this last week was the first official week of summer because everyone took vacations and it just sucks. Luckily I managed to see my doctor before she went on vacay and she prescribed me some meds for anxiety. But I called my therapist because I was at work and legit thought I was going to burst into tears in the middle of it all because I was so anxious and miserable and she hasn't called back because I assume she is on vacation too. Like can y'all stagger ur vacations please?!?!

 

financial stuff's a big one for my girlfriend too. i know it's making her very anxious that i don't have another job yet since my internship ended last month. i'm still drawing unemployment so we are good on money for now.

me? i've been stressed about money on and off since 2010, usually on, so i just add it to the pile lol

 

if she didn't notify you beforehand, or change her voicemail to indicate that she's on vacation, and she actually is? OH HELLLLL NO. you don't do that to your clients. source: my therapist told me last week that NEXT JUNE she will be gone for 3 weeks on vacation, and was adamant about telling me this early lol

 

Can’t donate at the moment, but sending you lots of love and light.

 

I haven't actually seen my therapist in like 3 weeks. I started a new job so I was going to get settled into my new schedule before I called to schedule an appt (my therapist doesn't practice in the town where I live or work so it's harder to arrange now). Last week I actually had a day I could choose to leave early tho and I was having a rly hard day like i was trying not to cry the entire time and i called hoping I could get in to see her that week but yeah they didn't answer. There was no special voicemail about being on vacation but I assume she is because they usually call back quickly. Idk.

I've been meaning to ask my primary dr for a referral to a new counselor anyway. Past issues aside, I think it's too hard not having a therapist that lives in my town even tho the ones here are supposed to be even worse lol. But I need someone to hold me accountable. I'm a people pleaser and I will stay on the straight and narrow just to not have to tell someone I messed up. Which doesn't actually treat the problem, but rn it's enough. But if I dont see someone regularly I will screw up something. I've caught myself wanting to cancel therapy all together so I won't have to be accountable to anyone which is bad news bears for me! So yeah long story short I should probably find someone closer.

 

Much appreciated

 

i have to find a new job again. they cut everyone's hours. like how the fuck am i supposed to live on less than 20 hours a week at 9 an hour. these corporations are fucking insane.

 

I've been feeling really depressed lately. I no longer enjoy my job (haven't been for a while), and I dread going to work every day. I can come back from my days off, wanting for time to hurry up so I can have my days off again. Like I've posted before, my company is a huge mess and you can't take time off because they don't want to figure out coverage, while the managers can take their time off. I keep looking and applying to places that I qualify or feel like I can qualify, but then I hear nothing. That or I posted late because a few days later I get an automated rejection email saying the position has been filled and no longer available. OR the position asks for something I'm not comfortable with. It's so stressful to the point where I'm almost in tears at the thought of going into work because I can't take it any longer and feel like I'll be stuck here for a long time.

 

Okay so after continuing to push the new patient coordinator about my hysto consult and finding out who is responsible for canceling my appointment (wrongly) and not telling me until I got there, she found an appointment for me with one of the other 2 surgeons who work with transgender patients. For June 28. Which is Gina's nursing school graduation. Appt is at 345 in SF, graduation is 630 in SJ. I think I can make it on time, but either way I took the appointment.

It makes me feel kinda shitty, but I told her that I'm concerned I'd feel resentment if I didn't take the appointment. I've been working on this since January, before then if you count when I originally called about getting a referral for surgery. And it already got taken away from me once for no good reason. I don't want to wait until July 18 if I don't have to. I need this shit out of my body, and I don't really care about anything else.

I know that makes me selfish but if we're being honest I'd rather be dead than not continue my transition in a "timely" manner. I hate saying that because I'm in really good spirits lately, and don't feel suicidal at all, but it's the truth. Take away my ability to do this and I have no reason to be here, due to quality of life.

That said all of this is contingent on me not needing a new referral to see someone else. The new patient coordinator is checking on that for me, but I swear to Christ if she booked me for this appointment and then they fuck up again with insurance and I no longer have the 18th either I think I'm just going to camp on the office floor until someone gives me a fucking consult.