Sorority Noise Drop Off Tour • Page 3

Your confusion isn’t really relevant. And “I woke up to him touching me” should really clear up any confusion on the situation you may have.

 

What a world to live in where you think that having sex with someone once means that you’re automatically ready and willing to have sex with them again at any point they beckon.

 

1. "To label Cam, a r*pist, is a stretch in my opinion. It sounds like a lack of communication the second time they had sex. "

Yes, correct. There was a lack of communication because he made no attempt to communicate. As the person initiating sex, that was his responsibility. And given that it wasn't you that he failed to communicate with, how you feel about labeling it is worth pretty much nothing.

2. "She says they had “started engaging in sex again” but her back was turned and he didn’t have a condom... so that’s r*pe? Was he wearing a condom when they had sex before?"

To answer your first question, her mentioning that he was unprotected as a defining detail of the assault implies that they used protection the first time, anything beyond that is just being voyeuristic and creepy. And yes, having sex with someone without a condom when they didn't explicitly say you didn't need to wear one is next level intrusive and is sexually abusive at best. Is it r*pe? I'm not splitting hairs over that, but again - he didn't get consent from her first. THAT'S r*pe. And again, the no condom thing is a HUGE, INCREDIBLY VIOLATING detail that can have serious repercussions for the person on the receiving end of that penis and what we're not gonna do is pretend otherwise.

3. "The story is so vague I honestly don’t know what to make of it. It just sounds like she had a one night stand, regretted it, and now calls it r*pe to people she chooses to tell."

...this take is so backwards and victim-blamey that I'm honestly not gonna spike my blood pressure by addressing it except to suggest you do some soul-searching about why you think it's your place to take a woman saying a man violated her and chalk it up to sour grapes.

4. "Then again, she also just wanted to deal with it privately. I think all of this hate should also be directed to Nicole, the person who broke the news without consent of the victim who chose never to publicly come out about her story until now because she is being forced to since the accusations came out."

What Nicole did was despicable, and we agree on that. But all of the hate? No, there's plenty of enough accountability to go around for both Nicole and Cam to get a nice hefty piece of it. She had no right to tell someone else's story, and the girl in question didn't deserve to be victimized all over again - but none of that in any way absolves Cam.

5. "I can’t imagine the distress she is feeling to now have to relive that uncomfortable moment in her head and having all this shit come out."

She said he assaulted her. Rewriting that as an "uncomfortable moment" is another thing we're not gonna do.

I love screaming into the void.

 

What sucks the most about the world I live in is that you keep quoting me with dumb shit like that. I don't believe that. I just don't believe Cam's a rapist. I'm so sorry, dude.

 

It seems like there was no communication because his sexual gratification was more important to him. If he was at all interested in the enjoyment of his partner he would have communicated and got her enthusiastic consent. I'm not sure where you're interpreting it as a bad one night stand. Being woken up to sexual acts taking place that u couldn't have possibly consented to isn't just a bad one night stand. Being penetrated without consent isn't just a bad one night stand. Not using a condom without consent and opening someone up to a higher risk of STDs and pregnancy is not just a bad one night stand. Having panic attacks in the aftermath isn't just a bad one night stand. The fact that u think it is raises concern.

 

couples need to discuss if they're comfortable with waking each other up with sex and set those boundaries individually. i for one am not comfortable with it cause i'm a deeply anxious sleeper. they didn't do that, and it's on cam for acting without that consent.

 

A lack of communication resulting in no consent being given is rape. Full stop. What world do you people live in. I really feel like situations like this make so many of you uncomfortable about “gray areas” because it forces you to examine how you move through the world and boy, some of you clearly need to start doing that.

Also, the graphic language in this thread is uncalled for and frankly triggering.

 

I think people like you who give credit to people who have been accused of gross shit are far worse than me giving credit to the victim.

 

But then immidiately after that comment “when I finally woke up we started engaging in sex again” so my confusion is relevant. Sounds like she was turned on by him touching her to me.

 

ok. can someone clarify that, if they don't believe what cam did qualifies as rape, why not?

 

I just don't subscribe to the whole "guilty upon accusation" mantra. All human beings are capable of deceit, not just those with dicks. Show me evidence of rape and I'll delete every Sono and Old Gray song off my Spotify and apologize

 

ia. The graphic language especially in the context of what is being discussed is really gross and uncomfortable to read

 

if this is about me, i'm sorry. i can go back and edit it and i will be more careful in the future.

 

I'm sorry for that too.

 

I was speaking about the post from @DesireToPlease personally

 

Same.

Also, do I really have to post the RAINN statistics page again? Can y’all put in just the tiniest amount of effort? It is highly unlikely that victims are lying. It is especially unlikely that a woman who did not even want to make this story public is now lying about it. Use that logical part of your brain y’all seem to hype in every one of these threads and think.

 

I used that language to express my incredulousness. I shouldn't have.

 

Kayla, I'm really trying. I'm not this horrible person. It's just tough for me to be like, "Yup he did it. Unequivocally. We have a rapist on our hands."

 

There’s no need for concern thanks though I appreciate it :)

 

sure, there can be some statistical possibility that the accusation is false. it's just so small that to select it as the truth you choose to believe should be justified. the data is not on your side.

 

I guess what I find the most incredible here is your reticence to believe such a thing is possible despite the Me Too movement showing us exactly how prevalent this is and how broken the power structures are, especially between men and women. Between that and what the statistics say, you still find it more difficult to believe that it happened the way this woman, who never even wanted to come forward in the first place, says it did, thus removing any "motivation to lie", than you find it to write off the accusation.

THAT is very, very interesting and very, very disappointing.

 

It's not that I'm sure of what happened and back Cam; it's that I have no idea. I have an inkling based on the reddit post, but I'm left to consider things that weren't mentioned that would make this seem less malicious. If he had in fact raped this girl I hope justice is served and he's put away.

 

I’ve tried to explain my stance on this many times before. Male violence is a plague upon us as a species. That sounds harsh, but it’s a cold, hard fact. One in four American women have been raped, and that’s with low reporting rates. It is entirely possible that every woman you have spoken to in your life has been impacted by sexual violence, whether it’s rape, molestation, etc. For me and for MANY women, our reality is an existence of anxiety and fear over our personal safety because we not only see the statistics, we LIVE them. I can link to these a million times and it’s clear no one will understand what they truly mean. People in pain, people with their lives broken, because of rape. That is why I believe victims of sexual assault when they come forward.

I’m not saying you’re a horrible person, but you have to understand that it’s not like I woke up one day and decided all men are rapists. I carefully studied and researched and learned, and what I found was that it is almost always likely that a person is telling the truth about their assault. What I need you to understand is that your ability to be conflicted is a privilege that we do not have. Sometimes a warning from another victim is all we have to keep ourselves safe. I don’t know what else to say. We lay our traumas bare in these threads all the time to try and make men see what we see and it leads nowhere.

 

I think the deeper point we should be carrying away from situations like this one is that you don't have to have malicious intent in order to violate someone. Anyone is capable of violating anyone else, regardless of gender, but the reason we see it so often coming from men is because of an inherent belief that "she let me" means consent, even though that leaves so many women feeling traumatized and violated and then you get a bunch of dudes splitting hairs on the internet about whether it's "real r*pe" or not as though it's their place to say.

And as a survivor, I gotta say - I'm suspicious that the reason most men are so reluctant to call things like this assault or r*pe is because of what it might say about their own past behavior.

 

Saw that a certain post already got a warning. I deleted it because it was fucking gross.