Why I Deleted the Recent Makeout Video Post • Page 24

Look, I understand being cheated on from someone you trusted is extremely painful and things happen in the heat of the moment. I just think there are better ways to express the hurt you feel. Saying names won't change anything. I don't think you can just say someone "earned those titles" when they have historically been used to put down women.

 

You're so close ... ok, here: what you did when you used those words toward your ex ... that was misogynistic. You were hurt, you were wronged ... but that doesn't make your reaction by using gendered slurs toward her not misogynistic. It was. It's worth understanding that and seeing it for what it was, not justifying someone else's sexism because you don't wanna admit your own.

 

yo it's not just 'bitch' or 'whore' that we have a problem with, but the entire damn song like...

"I stayed awake watching porn on my iPhone It's almost like I don't need you"

"Sugar daddy, I bet you already got a new one"


just belittling the woman (who they used to care for) into a sex object who only wants money...???

 

I truly get that. And there were wonderful words on both sides. But again I ask: if someone is going around cheating, sleeping around etc haven't they earned those words, titles. How is it a slur if they are out doing those things that those words define? As I said also, I wouldn't go around throwing those words at anyone for no reason. But if someone, regardless of gender is doing those things isn't that one of those times where definition fits? And what does sexism have to do with it? Men and women can both do those things to earn those words. In my situation she did that to me so she was acting out what those words mean. If I did it, then that's me. I know in general those words are directed at women. But I've know people, mean and women who have acted like those words so it seems it can go both ways.

 

First of all, I respect the fact that you were hurt during your marriage. That's rough and I won't pretend to know how that would have felt. There's certainly nothing wrong with being angry.

But, just one of the many problems with a song like this is that it uses violent imagery and words mostly used to degrade women. There is no nuance and it is borderline sadistic. It tells one side of a story in a very simplistic, immature way. It lays all blame on the woman and, maybe I'm just making an assumption here, does not seem at all interested in learning why this woman may have cheated.

Relationship are complex. Humans are complex. A term like "whore" is a lazy and irresponsible word used to shame and vilify a person who hurt the songwriter's feelings.

 

Come on, you know the answer to this, you said it in an earlier post ... you're not using those words to "define" what happened, you're using them to be mean, demean, attack, and hurt someone. You're specifically choosing words that you know will hurt someone and that specifically carry with them more than just a "definition."

 

This thread should of ended with my brilliant No Scrubs post.

 

Yeah this place is so much better. Welcome to the internet

 

Those particular words seem to really just be used to demean someone because they hurt you. Which I get you were hurt, but wouldn't "cheater" suffice instead of using gendered slurs? Just because someone does something in your relationship does not automatically make them "earn" anything.

 

So then she gets a free pass for what she did to me. Song aside, I'm just gonna talk about what happened to me. She slept around and cheated but I don't get to call her out for what she is/did? She did what the words mean so she, in that situation has become what those words mean.

 

The great thing about the internet is everyone has a voice. The horrifying thing about the internet is EVERYONE has a voice.

 

Do you believe the only way to express your hurt is to use gendered, misogynistic, slurs, meant to hurt and demean women?

 

Quoting again so people see it again.

 

Those words are also very commonly used to belittle and degrade women regardless of whether or not they've done something negative. A lot of men will throw around those slurs to simply describe a woman they don't like. The cultural connotation of those words is universally derogatory and specifically gendered.

 

You realize that first sentence is fairly troubling right? Again, the word "cheater" would suffice.

 

Why You Should Stop Saying ‘Slut’ and What to Say Instead - Everyday Feminism

You're acting like when someone cheats on their partner, it's a mandatory requirement that they be labeled a slut. Totally ignoring the various nuanced reasons people may cheat in any relationship. These words are meant to bring women down, especially in situations that have nothing to do with fidelity in relationships. Using these terms is in no way productive and it also plays into the overarching problem in which women that sleep around are looked down upon while men that do it are rewarded for it.

 

Of course not. And I guess I'm wrong for doing so. But I also don't think those words only apply to women. I could have done better. But in that place and time she did what she did and she was living up to the definition of those words. At least that's how I felt. I don't like those words. I don't want to use those words. But in that situation it felt merited. And I hope I've learned to be better. I'm remarried to an awesome person and I know that when we disagree I've learned enough about myself to know how to keep things from escalating. I don't want to go to that place. And hopefully we are both working on our relationship and we care about each other enough to ever let it get to that place. But if it does god help me that I don't let myself go there. But to be cheated on is a very specific kind of pain. One that I have felt and one that I understand when others talk about it. Those words are awful but I understand the pain that would drive someone to use them. I used them. I guess I was wrong but it's still hard to think about that time and not think they were warranted. It's hard and I'm probably wrong but after going through that I don't know that I'll ever be quite the same or think the same. All I can say is every day I try and do better.

 

There's more than one way to call someone out. And, as far as using words against someone just because they supposedly fit the terrible meaning...well, there are some pretty horrific racial slurs that people use against others just because they believe they apply to the person they are insulting. I think we can agree that most evolved and reasonable people do not use such words because they understand they are hateful and serve no other purpose than to propagate hatred. I think the word "whore" fits into that category.

 

An observation: people are usually very curious to hear "both sides" when men are accused of being shitty. Not seeing any of that here. Only continues insistence that slurs are okay if he was hurt. Wonder why.

 

Quick shoutout to @kaylasananjou @Anna Acosta @Dominick @Kiana @incognitojones and ofc @Jason Tate for being so great at dealing with this shit when it comes up over and over and over again. all of your posts in here have been great and I appreciate you.


I'm so sick of the "what about hip hop!" argument like way to double down on defending sexism by also throwing in a dash of racism real slick

 

I'm just gonna chime in here with some thoughts, since they might actually be read by the musician.

But the whole sephora line is another example of where I think your attitude is problematic.

Pointing out that you bought this person some things only shows that you believed there was some quid pro quo involved. You buy them things therefore you are owed something in return. But nobody forced you to spend money on this person. You decided to do that. You buying this person Sephora doesn't mean you own them or that they are required to do anything for you in return. But you seem to have expected that somehow your buying this person make up obligated you to something.

This is the kind of mentality that needs to be eradicated. Don't be mad at this person because you spent money foolishly. Be mad at yourself.

 

On AP.net anytime there'd be an argument about sexism or anything, every post about hip-hop for the next week on the site would be people yelling at me with "GOTCHA!" ... it's just so transparent.

 

I'm not sure I understand your second statement. What is racist about claiming hip hop has similar issues? I understand the problem everyone is having with it being a form of deflection, and an attempt to avoid the issue at hand, but I don't see what's racist about it, not even a dash.

 

Yeah seriously. "Well you like Kanye and Death Grips so" is one I hear a lot. Like yeah I can condemn things I like I just wish these pop punk bros would get some cognitive self awareness and realize they're just owning themselves over and over

 

You literally just answered your question. Read back your statement. It's not hard to find the racism there