A1iens and A1rwaves [Archived] • Page 231

What a beautiful family photo. Who knew @dadbolt @ChrisCantWrite and I were the greatest strike trio to ever play the game?!

 

Also had to go through an absurd amount of selfies and memes in the Erotic Dan Fiction chat to find a picture of @ChrisCantWrite and why did we ever stop sending each other random selfies?

Also found the greatest picture of @Henry and @dadbolt we shouldn't forget about.

 

Hahahahahah this is great

 

Omg I remember this.

 

i'm quite proud of the finished product

there are like 500 pictures in that stupid thread. so. many. memes. but then i'd stumble across gems like this and it was worth it.

 

I do this and I couldn't tell you why. I think it's initial purpose was to redirect from stage fright..

 

because males are pieces of shit

 

Understood.

Really sorry you had to go through that. I own up to and apologize for my bad, tasteless, insensitive comments. It wasn't my intention to imply you were a bad parent or anything like that.

Much love to you and I appreciate you calling me out for being an idiot

 

Wait is this a Meetup that actually happened?

 

It's a Facebook messenger chat from a few months back. It's mostly not used any more.

 

How's everyone doing today? I feel beat down after travelling today for the funeral and burial.

Also the podcast I posted about yesterday gets wild. Trigger warning for some in later episodes

 

Was that photoshopped?

 

Oh. Misread it. Derek was in NYC (in Nov?) and he and Henry hung out one evening.

 

tyty

 

I can ignore it until I'm wearing shorts.

 

I'm very opposed to having piss on my jeans

 

Just watch the flow and you'll be good

 

On a Weezer kick right now.

 

I wanna rant for a bit and then I'll let y'all get back to your regularly scheduled programming.

@Colby Searcy I appreciate you apologizing for the joke you made. I do understand that you were just joking. I'm not over it, but I'm over it, if that makes sense at all. I know you meant no ill will by it, it just hurts. And it hurts that everyone else seemed to just let it go as it happened. I know it seems like just a little joke, and it should all be over and done with, but I want to do a better job of explaining why it was so painful to hear.

NOTE: I am spoilering the whole thing for two trigger warnings: abuse and suicide. I'll also probably delete this at some point tomorrow (so just tag me in response, don't quote it) because I don't want it being read by many people outside of this thread, but since you are my friends, I'll trust you with it.

When we found out we were going to have a baby, I was ecstatic. I wanted nothing more than to be a good father for our child and for us to have a wonderful, loving home for him. Unfortunately, his mother and I had a lot of differences and it all ended in us splitting up. I tried to stay friends so that we could still have a good connection and so that the child would never have to experience us fighting, but at that time it wasn't possible. As a result, I was kept out of the loop for a lot of things. His mother told me I wasn't to be allowed to be at the hospital when he was born, she didn't want me around at all. I found out he was born through a text message with a picture of him. When I got the message, I rushed out of a festival where I was slated to perform in 15 minutes, and drove the 5 hours from Dallas to San Antonio, where she lived, so I could get to the hospital and see him. It was the greatest moment getting to hold him for the first time, and I remember that fondly, but I also remember I didn't get the experience of seeing my child born. I will never get to have that experience, it's something that, despite having two children, I missed out on forever.

After he was born, we tried to make it work out again, and again, it didn't work out. When we split again, it was about a month after he was born. I wanted to see him every moment I got, and his mother refused to let me see him at all. I missed out on months of his life because she wanted me as far away as possible and I had to wait for a court date to figure out if I'd ever get to see him.

You'd think in moments like that, you'd have a strong core of people supporting you, and I did. But for every person in that core, there was another person shaming me, calling me a deadbeat father despite the consistent efforts I made to be in my son's life. It was the most exhausting stretch of my life, I was emotionally drained from being separated from my child and from my best friend's death, which occurred the day after we split up. I began to believe what people were saying.

After court happened and I finally got legal rights to spend time with my child, things eased up a little bit. I was with someone new and I was happy (for the time; she would go on to cheat on me because of an episode of Mad Men, and I wish I was making that up but am glad I'm not because it's still hilarious), and she was with someone new and she was happy. I found out that she was pregnant with her second child and was ecstatic for her, I knew how happy it'd make Gavin to have a little sibling and knew he'd be a wonderful child, because I knew she was a great mother. Then (trigger warning for abuse), a few weeks later, she called me frantic because our son had been abused. Her boyfriend had beaten our son while she was at work and he was at the hospital being x-rayed for serious damage. I rushed out of work and straight to San Antonio. I got pulled over on the way and had to explain to a police officer that I was going through the greatest emotional trauma of my life. I got a ticket for speeding in a construction zone. But that's a different story and probably a comedy bit later in life. I got there and saw my son, bruises covering his face. He was healthy and fine, thank god. His mother was a mess, and understandably so. I went through so much that day, but can't imagine how she felt going through it because of someone she trusted so much, trusted enough to be engaged to and have a child with.

Weeks later, before her boyfriend's trial (separate trigger warning for self-harm) her boyfriend killed himself. He did not want to accept responsibility for his actions, swore up and down he did not abuse my son despite the overwhelming evidence and the fact that he was willing to admit it to his friends, and instead of going to trial, decided to end his own life, leaving his son fatherless. Gavin's mother, I imagine, was somehow more overwhelmed than before, still carrying his child and having no idea what to do. She decided the best thing to do was to keep his child, and not let his actions change what happened to the child. When their child - Grayson - was born, she and I discussed the possibility of moving closer together so that there wouldn't be the drastic distance between Dallas and San Antonio to constantly traverse, and during this discussion, I offered to help with Grayson and show him as much love as I did Gavin. As a result, with no adoption process and no real legal claim, I slowly but surely assumed the role of his father. He knows me and loves me as his dad, and I know him and love him as my son.

To this day, I know the boys' mother meant no ill will to me either. She was overwhelmed by many stresses and we've since completely made up. She's one of my closest friends now despite how much we do still get on each other's nerves. But it doesn't change how much the past did hurt me, and how much work it took me to get through. I still struggle with it sometimes, and when I read that joke, I definitely felt past demons creep up on me, reminders of helplessness and feeling like I'm not doing the bare minimum, despite doing everything I can. I want you to know that many people cannot fathom what I've been through over the years, and hopefully will never have to. I wouldn't trade what I have for the world, but I'd definitely never desire to relive it.

I also want to say thank you to a few great friends, some of which are on this website, for helping me so much when I was dealing with all the things in the story I've told, and for a few wonderful new people of my life who have listened to me tell it and given such wonderful support, especially Laura who has been the greatest confidant on earth and makes me feel loved and appreciated in a way I never knew possible and who I cherish every second with, and Garrett who never fails to reach out to me when I'm feeling weak and give me so many words of encouragement, no matter how stubborn I may be about it.

Now I'm gonna finish packing for vacation. Thanks for reading.

 

@Fucking Dustin I appreciate your openness. You've told me most of that in conversation at different points but I didn't fully understand how rough it was for you and for how long. Your support was huge to me when I was going through custody stuff and I apologize for not really appreciating how hard earned your insight was.

 

Thank you, I appreciate that. It makes sense that it wouldn't be understood at that time, because when I tell people about it, I don't like to make it sound like I went through a bunch. I don't like to make it a "woe is me look at the shit I've dealt with" pity party for me, so I try to downplay it when I finally decide to tell people about it. This post is probably the first time I've felt like I actually do need to emphasize it all and finally not hold back how difficult it was.

 

Side note, all that is why (backtracking to a WAY earlier conversation) I say 22 was my worst age.

 

I'm so sorry, Dustin

 

that was really hard to read



I'm here if you need anything at all

 

@Fucking Dustin Im so sorry you've had to deal with all that. You're an incredible person for being able to manage to go through that, and have done all you can to be the best version of yourself, and the best dad you can be. So many people wouldn't put in the amount of effort you have, and you should be so proud of yourself.