Mental Health Thread • Page 105

I have to go to work for 3 more hours but I'm sitting here afraid I'm going to burst into tears. I don't even know what's going on. I feel so drained and exhausted. I could use some positive thoughts.

My girlfriend told me she'd come over for a while when I get home, which is the only thing keeping me going right now.

 

idk if it helps, but know that you aren't the only one feeling that way right now. I feel like I could just sleep for weeks after a solid cry right now.

 

I can't do this anymore, I'm done. I just want to go somewhere far far far far away and never come back. I'm human, I can't help every single one, then take care of myself, then even worse, respond to friends who blame me because I don't do anything for them as quickly as they wish. Leave me alone !

 

I feel so awful, I thought my suicidal ideas were gone but they're back

 

I'm in a really bad place right now, and I think it's time for me to seriously consider going back on medication and getting counseling.

 

I'm taking a little vacation and my depression is really showing through. I'm having to try really hard to be motivated to do anything. I'm trying my hardest not to let my buzzkill show, but it's so hard to act enthusiastic and passionate when I'm just like meh inside.


And also I've gained weight so being in a bathing suit rn is like extra hard too and I'm also trying not to be that kinda buzzkill cause I know the person I'm with struggles with her weight and every time I comment on mine I can see her face look upset but I can't stop. Like an uncontrollable negative awful person who makes herself and others feel bad about themselves.

 

Just landed an internship this week and I think this has been the best I've been mentally in months.

 

Shared this with a bunch of people. Thank you

yessssssss

 

This song hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

Stretched thin from this week. Next week's going to be worse with work stuff. Literally the only person on staff who can edit client deliverables, so that's fun.

 

wow. thank you for this.

 

You're welcome. I figured someone else would appreciate it.

 

So fucking ready to get back into therapy and maybe see a psychiatrist. My life is literally falling apart and I'm just standing here all alone and totally helpless. I've been having a fun month long vacation with friends and family but once I get back to real life things are going to be pretty tough I think.

 

Having been on 150 mg of zoloft for several months, I realized that i had ZERO emotions. Things that would usually make me cry didn't. I was completely numb in a not so good way. So I went back down to 100mg and in just a week what a huge change. I actually want to go out and do things and talk to my friends. Why the fuck did my doctor think it was a good idea for 150mg? Being a closed up hermit was not much fun.

 

Wow what a fucking terrible job this is I might not go back I hardly made shit in tips I spent most my time doing bullshjt in the kitchen which is not what I fucking signed up for

 

Once again all the problems in a group of friends fell on me and I became the scapegoat. It sucks to be manipulated like that, I can't believe I trusted some of them. I even got threatened and my body (well my hair, idk how to say that) touched without consenting because I was forced into drinking. People are horrible, why do some of them feel like they have an infinite amount of power and that they have to use it to crush everyone else ? I don't get it and never will. Can't wait until I get out of this fucking city, and go live somewhere else where other friends are already waiting for me lol. I'm depressed and disappointed like I've never been. Now it's time for me to do something for myself first. I do everything people tell me to do and then I never get anything in return, which at first I don't care for because I've always been (too ?) altruistic, but even worse, I'm being blamed for silly problems that don't involve me. I'm getting my life back and getting rid of everyone who don't want my happiness. I'll continue being the best person that I can be for me, my friends, my family, every single one. Too bad for those that hurt me, that's their own faults.

 

Got a full time job at a sketchy call centre that I'm likely going to reject. 21 and it was my first ever job interview, isn't that sad?
I'm 22 soon. Dumped my first gf recently, dropped out of university, I'm feeling like I'm drifting aimlessly in a void.
I went to the ymca and they helped with a résumé which is how I got this job. I'm going to just send it to random places both online and in person.
But I keep having infantile bouts of hysteria and tears, I keep bombarding friends with my nonsense because I want to talk to someone but everyone's busy and I know I'll lose them.
The thoughts just repeat in my head and it's just... Do I even want a job? Do I even want anything? I don't want to feel like a loser but anything won't change that.
I don't know what I'm doing, I feel like my time is running out and I'm really afraid I'll be kicked out or end up dead, I am trying but maybe I'm not idk.
I am going to be alone like this, I need my counsellor but I've seen him for a year and he has loads of other people to see and I feel like I'm just wasting everyone's time now. Others deserve it more. I'm just entitled and lazy, that's why I cry on the bus on the way to see a friend, that's why I pace around the streets at night wondering if this is the night I throw myself off a bridge, or if al the people I've ever met are okay and forgot me and if anyone would even notice I was gone.
I'm a self absorbed drama queen, I expect immediate results from minimal effort. I'm unrealistic, judgemental, lazy, entitled, anxious, scared, bitter, frustrated, and there's a dark mass in my head getting bigger every day.

I'm trying so hard to keep going and I'm weak and I can't show it I should hide it, I'm so pathetic. I wish I could sleep :/ idk what the point is, I don't want to be me.

I'll look for part time
doesn't change lack of life
won't last
but keep looking
I only started looking recently

 

I totally hope this doesn't come off as belittling ur feelings or experiences but take a deep breath. I think this is how so many ppl our age feel. There is so much bs stress put on following this mythical correct path and if you don't you're a loser or you're never gonna be successful and it's just not true. It's okay to not know what you wanna do or to feel directionless, tho I know it's scary af sometimes. There's no one right path and it truly sounds like you're doing the best you can. Seriously, you went to get help with your resume and you wanna see a counselor. Those things right there show you have more ambition and persistence than you give yourself credit for! Those are both very big steps! I hope you get in with a counselor and can help navigate what you're feeling but truly, you're not alone and don't put too much stress on urself! Even tho that's easier said than done lol! Totally vent here whenever u need cause I know a lot of others have gone thru something similar and could be more articulate and helpful than me!

 

something interesting I've been thinking about, so as much as I'm all I'm boring lame and have interesting nothing to offer etc I was thinking okay in that case if I could magically change everything would I, and obviously the answer is no there's something in me I want to keep I don't know what or why

 

those few weeks that my job put me to work 6 days a week were constant stress and me complaining in here.

 

Last night after my first shift I really just wanted to kill myself, but today I'm realizing I was just being over dramatic and I can power through this for a few months while I find something better

 

I believe in you and you are one of the strongest friends I know. Much love to you

 

Recently started mirtazapine for anxiety (and sleeplessness) and I have nothing but good things to say about it.

 

Finally seeing my psychiatrist again after few weeks off, and I'm taking my meds regularly at the same hour every day. That's one small step, but I'm optimistic. I will get through all my shit and my life will be better for it. Thanks everyone for your support, it means so much to me.