Mental Health Thread • Page 86

I don't know your sister, literally I don't know her, but I know you and you're amazing

 

Thanks bb! You tooooooo. I just wish I was more personable sometimes. And I know it's dumb. I think my sis also compares herself to me cause I was always the "smart" one (lmaoooo), graduated college and have a decentish job so we both torture ourselves about the other in stupid ways and we should get over it lol. But it's like yeeeears of my identity being "her sister" and even tho I broke out on my own now it still lingers. Meh.

 

My brother used to make feel like this, and still does at times. Nowadays I do my best to remind myself that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Not to shit on my brother, cause I love him and would ferociously defend him if anyone else said what I'm about to say, but (for example) he's not much of a thinker.

As for the pretty thing, *looks down with hands behind back while rubbing one shoe on top of the other* I really don't think you've got anything to worry about there.

 

thanks y'all. totally didn't mean to like compliment fish or anything. It's just a hard thing to unpack. Having ppl sometimes very bluntly infer that you're the ugly sister is just like dang years of low self esteem to undo lol. And tbh I hate that I even care so much about appearances and comparing myself to others anyway like obv there's more to a person than that but I spent years obsessively fixating on it until it like consumed my identity. I've gotten way better and generally it doesn't bother me anymore, but when an old memory or something triggers it I'm like mehhhhhh

 

Have you ever thought about how weird "you're pretty" and "you're ugly" is bc it has literally nothing to do with us. Like none of us picked out how we were going to look so we get complimented for something that that we don't have any control over. I mean I know like taking care of yourself, makeup, fashion, etc inevitably comes into the equation but do you get what I'm trying to say? I have found myself thinking about this a lot lately.

 

I think that's the mindset that got me to chill a bit. I was like omg I'm miserable over something I can't change or control . Like at least be miserable over what I CAN do something about if I have to be miserable over something lol.

 

It is silly when you think about it, but it's so deeply ingrained in the culture (probably even on a deeper evolutionary level) that I know I can't help but get a little extra pep in my step when I get a rare compliment on my looks.

Being told i'm smart (also something i'm not entirely responsible for) doesn't have the same effect for some screwed up reason.

 

Compliments in general are loaded. They can wreck or make people's days and it's kind of absurd how much we all look for approval from people outside of ourselves. I spent Sunday downplaying compliments I kept getting from friends at a party. I have made two beers at work that were my own recipes. Out of the 40-or-so beers the brewery I work at has made, two of the top three rated beers have been my recipes. My buddy's friend is a brewer at a very large brewery and I automatically assume he's way better than me, but when my friend brought up that he's liked my beers a bunch in front of this other brewer, I went out of my way to basically say their shit.

Like, why couldn't I just say "yeah, I might be pretty good at this." I have no problem telling my friends when I think they're great at something, but when it comes back to me I deflect, deflect, deflect, deflect until people actually make note of the fact that I'm actively not accepting their compliment.

It's fucked up how much societal pressures -- shows, books, magazines, articles spent comparing so and so to so and so -- ingrain an innate competition in our lives. I shouldn't feel the need to compare myself to a guy who is brewing for a top 5 brewery (in terms of volume) in America when I'm at a start up that has been open for six months and have only been brewing regularly for that amount of time. I shouldn't compare myself to my brother who is a college graduate with a wife, two homes, a cottage, two dogs and is a hockey coach with a maxed-out amount of certifications from USA Hockey.

It's an exhausting habit I've been trying to break but it just doesn't work sometimes.

 

Reincarnation is a great idea. Like I get to come back and try again. I know in my head it's nonsense but in my heart it's nice to believe in. Maybe I'll be a better person when I come back.

 

Honestly I could take all the compliments I could get after how much bullying I went through in high school, harassment and judgment in college, my awful ex bf, and all the friends I lost the past few years. I don't talk to that many people, and my family never seem satisfied enough with any accomplishment. On top of that, annoyed and irritated with my diet and health. Anxiety. Everything about my background and identity. Clashing with my family over politics. Never really getting the guy I want. I could go on.

So yeah. lol

I'm very glad video games exist. They are a constant stress relief.

 

Sounds like my brother and me. Appareance aside, he's got an easy going personality, isn't shy, seems naturally charming, has a pretty good and interesting career and people love to ask him questions about his school studies, while I'm ridden with social anxiety, used to be extremely shy, am often the guy people forget about lol, was until recently undecided about my professionnal future, etc.

It doesn't bother me anymore because for the past 2 two years, I positively changed, got more and more confident and now doesn't mind sharing things about myself. But I can't lie if I say that living in the shadow of my brother contributed to my self loathing and to my depression over the years.

 

I mean, I hated myself so much as a teenager that during conversations, I couldn't help but brag about my brother instead of showing my strengths. Damn I realize how sad that sounds haha.

 

Based solely on my mostly lurking in the politics and videogame threads, you deserve recognition for having, imo, solid political views, not taking any guff from riff raff, being a quality mod, consistently standing up for your people, and having good taste in games.

Sorry that so much else has been suck.

 

Yeah I learn so much about politics, like minorities I usually don't hear about or only hear stereotypes about, from all of your posts lightning13. It makes me feel more and more aware of the things happening around me.

 

I didn't have many friends my age when I was in grade school, so I was my brother and his friends tail when I wasn't hanging with my couple of good friends. I went through something of a hazing period for half a year (that probably contributed to my anger issues as a youth), but I eventually earned a measure of respect from them.

Had a lot of good times but i probably grew up faster than I should have, and I was a cocky douchebag who's whole personality was hinged on being tough, and wild enough to hang with the big boys for far too long. I did way too much stupid stuff just to be considered "cool".

Edit: Just trying to say that I can relate. My self loathing and insecurities exhibited themselves in a very different way though.

 

I relate to all of that as well, I used to hang out with my brother's friends (who are my friends as well now) more than with mines. It took me a long time to find my identity as a person. Idk if I was a tough douchebag, I probably was something similar when I was like 12-16 and thought trolling and harassing people on Counter Strike was fun, but I also often tried to imitate my peers. I felt anormal, so my main goal was to fit in with "normal" people. I'm glad it isn't the case anymore, I can't believe I had all those issues. Therapies changed my life.

 

I definitely felt like the "other" as a kid. My dad was a clergyman, we moved around a lot, we were often the only yupik kids around, and I had some abuse issues.....so I overcompensated by playing the bad boy who was always ready to fight, and getting in trouble at school. I got into drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and hooking up all between the ages of 12-14. In short, I was an angry, screwed up idiot that thought he knew everything, and I'd lash out at anyone who tried to tell me otherwise. I'd like to believe that's all behind me now, but there are still times when it's a real struggle to keep some of those negative traits in check.

 

Compliments are weird for me cause I feel like I didn't start getting them until a few years ago so they seem surreal and I brush them off. I don't think ppl are lying but I'm just like "yeah right." Idk I grew up with a mom who commented on my weight and said she wished I dressed/acted like my sister. I remember my Lil sister being that honest kid age and asking why I wasn't pretty like our other sister, and negatively commenting on my appearance in front of my friends. My sister always being asked out and random guys coming up to me to tell me how hot she was while I never got any sort of attention like that. Then my BFF got that attention while again I was like invisible. But I think I developed a defense mechanism where I was so shut off and didn't have any identity or my own personality and constantly shut down any attempts ppl made with me, so I became a self fulfilling prophecy. Once I worked thru stuff and stopped being so guarded and torturously insecure, things fell into place better. Middle school/beginning of high school was ROUGH lol

 

My appearance is something I struggle with daily and I really wish that weren't true.

 

It makes me feel better in an awful way when gorgeous people are also insecure about their looks

 

I know this feeling all too well.

 

My job keeps trying to get me to be stressed and more "serious" about work, when in reality it's not THAT SERIOUS of a job. I do my job well, and I'm just not one who does the highs & lows off bullshit. Affairs of the heart & blood is what will send me off the deep end, occasional friend drama, but everything else in life I'm pretty nonchalant on/too or I just accept the place/necessity of what I'm doing/at/etc and do my best/respect it in kind and leave it at that.

However, they seem to wanna make everyone paranoid so the workers do all the hard shit and the managers can just sit there ordering shit and looking at promotions for the place and on the phone with whoever the fuck they talk to.
I handle all these things with light heartedness and a smile, while doing my job and doing it well but the more it continues the more I tire of it.

Today before I was set to leave my manager tried calling me out about "skipping over a whole section of things that were needed to be done in the back" - so I was like, what? have you gone back there (knowing he clearly hadn't been) so he makes me follow him and he points out two places not stocked and I said "Well..." to go to answer "there is none of those" but he interrupts again telling me to follow him into the back, still talking shit - turns the corner and soon as he sees everything stocked to the brim (he does this shit when he tries to talk shit and instead of laughing or anything he just smiles smugly without words after talking the shit/pointing out what he was talking shit about) he just looked back at me without words and smiled smugly back without words. Awkward silence only broken by my coworker coming in to tell him about a problem up front. And he just looked at me like a dog who got caught shitting on the rug and said I could clock out.
Felt good.

 

Omg speaking of compliments I spent all morning with kids running all over the place and climbing on things and hitting me and throwing things at me, and when a mom came to pick up her kid she was like "aw you always look so cute and gorgeous!" And I was like omg can you just say that about 1000 more times as I pick food out of my hair??

 

A senile patient told me I have a 'face that should be abused' this morning. It's high on the list of the most absurd things a patient has ever said to me. I couldn't even be upset bc it's such a ridiculous thing to say lol

 

When people pay me compliments, I always just assume they're being sarcastic.