(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 383

It's very weird and creepy to me. How could you not want to have a relationship with someone who's happy with you instead of forcing it ? Why wouldn't you let her/him leave if it doesn't work out ? Seems very manipulative.

 

Divorces makes me afraid to get married. Let's say I meet a guy who wants to marry me and he changes his mind and wants a divorce or he cheats on me or something so I have to divorce him. Idk what I'll do with myself.

 

I think they genuinely do believe it can be worked out a lot of the time and are kinda in denial. And I know super religious ppl who think they take marriage more srsly cause of the commitment to God or something and don't wanna divorce. Idk. I think divorce is awesome not like couples being miserable but I'm glad ppl don't feel the need to stay in awful relationships as much anymore.

 

The rumours are true, I'm no longer single. Sorry for any disappointment this may cause.

 

Yeah after living thru my parents divorce I just refuse to do it cause it was so traumatizing but my solution to that is more just not getting married. Which, obviously breakups can be traumatizing too but my commitment issues are not based in logic lol

 

My parents have been separated for more or less as long as I remember, but never divorced. Never got into why with them. If anything that's probably done more to make me feel apprehensive about getting married in the first place.

 

rly worried about the timeline of my future and afraid I'll never find someone who wants to date me

couldn't date in college because the world is stupid and unaccomodating of anomalies, will not date the next year or so because I'll be devotedly entirely to math, which leaves me at 21 surrounded by people in their mid twenties never having had a relationship b4

oh well

 

In theory I don't have anything serious against mariages, I like the sentiment behind it, but I guess I just don't believe in them. It seems so inconvenient, especially when it ends up with partners hating each other or one feeling trapped in the relationship. My parents are basically still together only because my brother and I still live with them during the weekend and because my mother can't work nor drive.

 

I'm in my late 20s and have never had a relationship, it's never too late for love

 

I had my first relationship at 16 and it only lasted one month lol. Had my second and latest one at 20/21. Don't worry about taking your time if you don't find someone who likes you as much as you like him or her. Have you tried Tinder or other dating apps ? I'm getting into it, and it seems to be easier to break the ice with people, and way less stressful lol.

 

My last relationship was a few weeks before Obama was inaugurated and ended 3 weeks after.

 

my parents have been happily married for almost 30 years so I definitely believe in marriage, I think weddings themselves have become too much about capitalism and not about love though and they kinda depress me

 

thanks Obama

 

smh i should have had a "PRE ORDER WATCH DOGS 2" user title with a ubisoft logo as my avatar a couple of months ago. thx for the idea tho

 

Basically me. I hardly dated (nothing I would consider a "real" relationship) and the people I did date ended up not being good match. Now I have a job that I basically live at so its really hard to meet people and even hangout with friends on my days off. The guy I'm kinda texting is really busy at his job too so yeah.

 

It is a mix of low self esteem, stubbornness, abuse, and manipulation, which ultimately is a selfish attitude and personality. It revolves ultimately about your feelings as opposed to others. It gives a sense of "I'm having the upper hand" and "I'm the better person because I don't believe in divorce" at the expense of the feelings, needs, and rights of other people. People should try to work things out as best as possible. It's not about "advocating" for divorce, it's about people having the right to. If they really can't figure things out, and either person, or both, feel like they should be able to separate/get divorced, then that should be possible.

Forcing people to stay in relationships is ultimately harmful. Not only that, but we live in a society where we still don't expect people in general, and more particularly women (the traditional "get a rich man" narrative), to be independent. I always hear, whether it's a man or a woman, "ARE THEY MARRIED YET?" like it's a mandatory goal in life. Nobody needs to feel bad about whether they've been in a relationship or not, whether they've had sex or not, how many people they've been with, etc. It is ultimately petty and childish, and should not determine the worth or quality of a human being, and should not determine the respect they receive or deserve. Nobody should be shamed for the lack of experience one has in romantic and/or sexual relationships and interactions, just as much as they should not be slut-shamed. Anybody over the age of 18 still talking like this should, quite frankly, be ashamed of themselves instead.

 

Frankly, I'm saving this post and using this later if I end up discussing these issues lol. I agree 100 % with you on all of it.

 

What creeps me even more is when this kind of talk already happens when you're a teenager. How many times have I heard women (do we say girls when they're not adults ? just asking as english isn't my native language) being pressured by their peers, even by their parents, to quickly find a goal in life related to jobs, relationships, studies, even having kids etc. It is unhealthy because at that age, you're absolutely not mature enough to be able to juggle all those things or to make rational decisions. I also hate the slut shaming, the body shaming, and all other kind of shaming that come with them.

 

I really don't like the idea of finding people to date in such a way. Like not "wrong" or whatever but I tend to only be able to connect with someone when it happens organically. Not to mention I have pretty niche interests that are super important to me so it's in my favor to just meet people through the things I do and hope something happens. This coupled with the age situation though is gonna leave me alone for an indefinite amount of time prob

I don't feel ashamed or feel any inherent way about this at all for that matter, just recognizing the reality that it places me at a disadvantage in terms of achieving something ultimately important to me and that it's another way in which I am going to feel excluded, which is something I'm used to by now so w/e

 

It's a fine line for those of us with minimal relationship/dating experience, especially at later ages (I'm late 20s myself, with only one relationship nearly a decade ago). There absolutely shouldn't be societal pressure to reach any milestones for the sake of it; personally, I tend to resist and ignore such pressures and focus only on what I genuinely want. But within that context, it's only realistic to recognize that the longer one goes without meaningful experience, the harder it is to jump on that train late in life if the genuine desire to is there. I think most (not all) people older than mid 20s or so are going to be put off by someone very inexperienced, so it quickly becomes a vicious cycle of shame, dread, and awkwardness.

At the same time, being chronically single - whether by choice or not - does come with significant perks. There are plenty of days where I even feel it may be an unlikely blessing in disguise, looking at a lot of the couples around me in my life. Over time, I learn about the dirty laundry lurking in some of my friends' relationships, and what always strikes me is how extreme an effort they've made for so long to maintain a facade publicly. I've grown so cynical that I start to wonder if a lot of "normal" people care more about the perception of their having a great relationship than actually experiencing it themselves. I care zero about the former, myself, and I tend to think actually achieving the latter is depressingly rare in the long run. Maybe this is all just a psychological defense mechanism to help cope with my failings. But I believe it just enough to stay unmotivated to make serious efforts in the dating realm, for whatever they might be worth at this stage.

One final amusing thought: the extreme independence and freedom of chronic single-hood eventually shapes your habits and approach to life so much that it's hard to imagine losing them. Relatively normal people who haven't lived years-long stretches of their adulthood that way may not understand, or know what they're missing.

 

Tbh movies and media made me feel like everyone is dating by 16 and I remember feeling super behind and pressured to date, but now that I'm older when I talk to others about dating, most ppl I know didn't really date until later. Same thing with sex. I thought it was like movies where everyone does it by like 16, but when I talk to ppl most did it later.

 

movie high schoolers are just so unrealistic in general, not just the dating element, which I agree places unrealistic expectations, but they're all wise beyond their years

 

Though I did date and have sex when I was 16, I've had this experience too. When I was that age I felt like everyone was doing it, and now I'm surprised at how many people I meet who didn't.

 

Or even dumber than real high schoolers, ha.

 

Pretty much how I feel. I'm not that experienced (not by choice), and since I haven't dated much (also not by choice), I feel really awkward and closed off when it comes to meeting someone because I don't want to be judged, or for them to leave me (which I think happens). Then I get more closed off and the cycle repeats