Mental Health Thread • Page 76

I want to self harm and I am having trouble finding a good reason not to.

 

I'm taking a chemistry lab class and it makes me so anxious. I can't do anything without my hands shaking which has caused me to spill a couple times. When I make a mistake, it only compounds the problem and I get so anxious that I can't even think straight. Thinking about how many more lab classes there are in the quarter fills me with dread.

 

Feel like talking about anything?

Been there. Best advice I have is to breathe deeply a few times before pouring anything. If you spill, there's generally always a way to clean it up.

 

Is it me or are near death experiences good for the soul?

I mean that in terms of taking stuff for granted...like a heart that continues to beat.

As an aside, I want to inform you all that your blood travels thousands of miles a day.

Now we come to the part about mental health....I think every human is a universe in and of themselves. We are all gods in a certain biological sense (think about the cells in your body that rely on your continued existence)...we are infinite, and we'll never die, but we might evolve.

 

Got in a car accident back in October, nothing serious. I wasn't at fault so I took my car into the shop and the guys insurance took care of everything. Like a month later they sent me a check for $1,800. I called and asked them if it was for the repair and they said no they took care of everything with the shop. I deposited the check and have been using it as a buffer in my bank account since then.

Flash forward to today where the shop calls me asking why I haven't paid. Called the insurance agency and they tell me that the check they sent me was for the shop and insist that they never told me otherwise. So now I'm on the hook for $1,800 and I'm shaking and having a panic attack cause idk what I'm gonna do. Just hoping the shop will let me do some sort of payment plan or something.

 

I'll be popping in and out tomorrow during the inauguration and wanted everyone to know if you need to talk, quote or PM me. It's gonna be rough but we'll get through this.

 

I'm just...yeah I don't even fucking know. It just ain't good.

 

Not really. Meds apparently not working.

 

Today was just not a good day. At all. I feel disgusting.

Oh and tomorrow Satan becomes the leader of the "free world" so that's just all around fantastic.

 

My girl got a new job today (and she finally let down her "JOSH YOU ARE THE WORSE" shit [this cus she says i've "neglected her" while tryna make a job pop off; even though i'm doing it for her lmao, tbh before we got back together as morbid as it sounds I was perfectly good just living till I finally got fed up and ended it all]) so theres a mini celebration there. Still waiting on my email (for my job), not holding breath but remaining hopeful since even the call back (for the interview) was a drag ass event.

Just tryna see the bright side in today, me and her spent the last few hours making fun of the whole Trump concert thing. We're both equally horrified from different angels based off our backgrounds but we're using what we always did to deal - humor.

All together, today wasn't a bad day, I'm fending off the feeling of a "Eh, it's there and that by nature makes it somewhat negative" (since theres nothing overtly positive going on) day.... I'm trying to avoid much more beyond that, positive thoughts.

 

sorry to hear it. i'm due for an adjustment myself.

 

Since I'm over 25 and not a student I'm not covered by my parents insurance, so I can't afford meds right now. It sucks.

 

Not to interject but since its a current talking point...

I honestly never self harmed in the sense of cutting, scratching, burning, etc. Maybe the mental damage equivalent sure, I'm 100% good for that but never physical (probably cus when this all really started to take form for me I was helping an ex through her shit; in which self harm was a big thing, to the point her nickname was "Zebra" cus of her scars). It's weird pain and all that doesn't scare me yet I chicken out on self harm, but suicide if the day comes I'd mentally be willing to slap my dick on the table like "TRY ME, ILL DO IT!" (and I would)

Depression/Mental health issues are crazy, I honestly never got help on mine so I would hope no one ever looks to me for that... but god knows i know that tax.

Sidenote regarding meds: That's what made me love maryjane.

 

Curious if anyone is in a similar situation since I'm sure I'm not the one special snowflake here....

How does everyone deal with a family that.... doesnt give you what's needed but you literally have only had them, life long even if they weren't ever enough? I'm older now, I got my girl, we been together years, she's great too but she's not involved here, I'm more speaking even before she's in consideration (aka answering/defining things to her). I won't get into all the details... I'm just curious cus I'll be the first to admit I been as far down to the pint where my family might be the biggest issue but I also lived off 20$ a week they gave me just to have gas (but also the days where they basically condemned me to survive on my own). I know struggle where they were the only ones but at the same time they are responsible for a lot of the struggle - and I wish I could say the good outweighs the bad but it doesnt - and tbh sometims I feel like that is ungrateful even though its just being honest. I'll always be a family guy be it blood or marriage/children but I'm just tryna make sense...

Just still tryna figure out.... that dimension of my life and curious on anyone else's insight.

 

You are in Canada, yes? Dumb American here, how is that possible with your healthcare system?

 

Prescriptions aren't covered. Our health care system isn't all that better than yours tbh.

 

Good to know and that really blows

 

Whoof I should not take more Xanax than necessary. I mean I'm not prescribed at all so I shouldn't be taking any at all but I do get very bad anxiety and it helps so when I come across it I get it just in case. Anyway I took half a bar last night, which is not that much at all, and blacked out. Do not like blacking out at all and it makes me feel horrible in the morning. I texted some gibberish to my mom and apparently tweeted some stupid shit that my gf took as a subtweet but I don't even know what it was about lol.

 

Subtweets are dangerous lmao. Delete the app before any drug use. I completely stopped twitter use (despite it being my favorite social media network) when i'm fucked up cus i'm easily moved emotionally (im a fairly open yet still somehow distant person regardless apparently) when high lol.

My girl though? God.... She loves throwing shade when she's upset lmao. I hate waking up to subtweets lmao.

 

I knew Xany made you drowsy, from experience, but wow that's some scary Ambien shit

 

lol yeah I used to mess around with xans when I was younger in order to get faded but now I use them when I need help sleeping or am actually really anxious because they really fuck with your memory

 

I had to stop with the Ambien bc I did weird stuff. I went online shopping once and spent a shit ton of money and didn't remember doing it til I woke up and the invoice was pulled up on my laptop.

 

I would never do it, no thanks I'll just deal with insomnia, I mean I'm going to feel exhausted constantly these next four years anyway amirite

 

When I was in early recovery they prescribed me belsomra for sleep which made me so loopy and weird before bed I used to go on these crazy rants while falling asleep and my girlfriend who was visiting at the time thought it was so cute

 

I've been awake for 20 minutes and I already have tears in my eyes. I don't know how I'm going to make it through today.

edit: It's going to be tough for me to follow my own advice but I want to just remind people to take care of themselves today. Drink water, make sure you're eating enough, keep in contact with your loved ones, if things become too intense turn off the TV and get off the computer/put the phone down, just please take care of yourself.