Mental Health Thread • Page 67

Just found out my aunt died over night... I'm on the bus on the way to my last class of college and I can't stop crying. Fucking hell

 

Yeah driving is so stressful, I still don't do highways and am looking to live in NYC where I'll never have to drive

 

I would love to move to Chicago but I would take Cleveland even. I think I could make it work there. Seriously any place with public transit would be a step up since we have none here. I have about 2 places within (safe) walking distance to try and find a job at. Hate it here so much.

 

Hate driving as well, it still gives me anxiety but it's gotten better since I've driven cross country.

I've been feeling better recently, but last night was really stressful for me so I guess I just have to be kind to myself today.

 

Very frustrating when people misconstrue struggles from lack of a true real support system ever paired with depression vs. "laziness" or "wanting to be taken care of." Learning how to live, function, and gather perspective on the world in everyway you need to to be able to survive nonetheless thrive is a task. I've done it, but god that shit gets under my skin.

 

I'm very sorry to hear this. My condolences.

 

I'm sorry @cybele ❤️❤️❤️ Sending all my love.

 

Never leave the city than lol. Soon as you leave city limits upstate or on Long Island if you don't got a car you're stranded lol.
Or you're paying out the ass for taxis lol.

 

Yeah I live on Long Island now and went to school upstate so I'm well aware lol

 

ah yeah, I'm from Long Island too myself. Went to school in CT for a year and they didn't allow cars so pretty much the same situation lmao. I too wanted to move to NYC as well until my girl and I got back together and I said fuck that shit, why would I continue to struggle in NY, lets go somewhere else since she got family in the DMV anyway lol.

 

i'm very literally in the same position... i'm so sorry.

 

I wish I had a more stable foundation and support in my formative years cus now that I'm older and down time to "Figure things out" gets progressively less and less welcomed I struggle more and more. Having that with my Girl now I see how much easier it is to sort things when you have a true ear or if nothing else can at least breathe knowing you got a hand/some understanding. Life would be endlessly different if I had that all along.

I was just talking to my brother about this sort of stuff since he is in the same boat just a "different course" of sorts. He doesn't have the mental baggage I do but he's in the same shoes as me right now knowing it's time to make or break. Man up time I suppose. "Facts it's that time bro." - him

Thing is I'm so use to break that now that I'm finally at my own limit with "If this one breaks I'm done" I'm kinda like fuck.... these chords are so fucking tangled. I'm TRYING to find my way at the same time as learning that there is even a way for me and it's just incredibly overwhelming at times.
Add on my family wanting money as well as tryna sabotage my relationship and seemingly endless car troubles eating my money I'm really tired and at time's feel really defeated.

 

So sorry you are going through this, too! Here for you if you need some support or to vent or anything

 

Today is my Dad's birthday, had a nice and mutual understanding type talk with him today as well as just an enjoying the day type mood.

Also had a true brotherly bonding moment with my little brother today, I'm super tripped out by that (in the best way). He's a man of very few words and even less shown emotion (unless you TRULY know him) and he showed me his full hand and we connected on a shared situation in life. Even left in a literal shared "Through all this craziness atm, I got your back bro." moment..

I don't know.... I almost never get those moments with my blood family but it happened twice today and I'm super blown away and feeling happy. Shoutout to today.

 

I've been spending a lot less time on the internet lately and it's been really good for me. We have a beautiful puppy in the family now, and he's already improved my family's life. We're all exercising every day, playful and more responsible. The little guy brings so much simple happiness into every day life and we've only had him for a week! Things are looking up.

I hope everyone's okay anyone can dm me on twitter @ braxndnew

 

@bigmike & @AelNire Thank you so much for the kind messages Today has been a whirlwind. I'm trying to be here for my mom and to just keep as busy as I can.

 

I've had bad anxiety ever since BF told me she's engaged. I almost had a panic attack. I don't know how to be maid of honor. I work 60 hours a week so how am I supposed set everything up. I know it's a ways away but I can't help thinking about it.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love.

 

Don't want to get into details that are unnecessary but I've watched myself unravel in the worst of ways over the past year or so and am now coming to terms with the fact that I have no friends near me, I have developed some degree of social anxiety for anything outside of work, and I am in what feels like my lowest depressive rut ever. My therapist is helpful, but once every other week is barely enough. Just feeling isolated and bleak. Typically a huge Christmas person and even holiday cheer is doing me a whole lotta no good. All I want for Christmas is an opportunity to fix my many mistakes and resume life as it was when I was normal and happy and functional.

 

You can say no, she might not believe you're too busy but she probably will, and if you just need advice that's why Pinterest and wiki How exist

 

@mad It's been a rough weekend but pulling through. My mom and I will probably be going to Orlando (if we can figure out the flight stuff) for the memorial on Saturday. It's a bit of a whirlwind with my finals this week but I'm thankful to have a support system on this site. Being able to have somewhere to just talk about it so so so helpful.

 

This was me last year and I'm still getting... aftershocks(? of sorts) still now. I'm sorry to hear you're in that same hole. I still find there's things grabbing at my ankles as I'm finally really trying to climb out of that hole. It's good you have a therapist to talk through it with, I didn't have that myself. Depression and anxiety are the worse, crippling in ways no one can see. Your last 2 sentences describe my exact feelings atm to a T.

I hope it picks up for you soon enough, and you get what you want for Christmas, or at least a nice enough Christmas that can at least break that rut for the moment. Minor victories are still victories. I know It's only worth so much but know you're not alone in those feelings, wish you the best.

 

Thank you for the kind words and optimism. Very sorry to hear you have gone through/are going through similar. Trying now to simply find support anywhere I can. I've dealt with similar in the past, but have been away from it so long that I would make huge proud statements to myself for "getting past my worst spots and being happy." Couldn't be further from it now, which makes it even more frustrating. You're right, though -- gotta shoot for those minor victories at the very least. Really need to do better at taking care of myself above and beyond all others, if anything.

 

Had a really bad night last night. As of late my depression only been an occasional jab in the ribs to remind me it's there here and there, but last night it felt like it grabbed my by the throat and suplexed me.

Life itself felt insurmountable and felt like it's not meant to get better, that I'm wasting the people who care about me's time (especially my girl) cus it's so hard to find ACTUAL GAINFUL employment so we can have the life we want & make the moves needed. It just felt like it isn't worth all this stress without lack of improvement and if I wasn't around to be held up and in turn hold people up everyone would be better off.

So many things I have to do stand in the way of what I want to do and have to do (to have the things I truly want), the people & situations never appreciate what I do. They don't even listen or believe in me when I try and open up about the things I'm speaking of here. My Girl is the only one, and there's been so much I've spoken to standing in the way of even that, especially things neither of us welcomed & have full control over.

Hopelessness is hell.

 

Starting Paxil today.