Mental Health Thread • Page 481

Yep

 

I initially thought 1k less per month and was like jfc.

 

It's also tough because my Dean literally said "don't quote me, but I'm expecting this to be 7.5k-10k more annually." And then it's 6.5k. Which may or may not be a lot, but kind of is for us with a baby on the way. I don't think she can do anything about it and I'm not gonna like complain directly to the provost lol. But the insult to injury is that on the Change of Status form with my new title and salary, the notes told me how much they were saving by combining the two positions (like 23k plus benefits) lmao. Kind of shitty.

 

I feel like I’m about to get let go from my job. Enrollment has been down due to factors outside of my department’s control and my department is always the first to be blamed. My whole team is getting worried, we each do the job of 3 different people. Can’t stop stressing about it but also kind of at peace with it if it happens because I’ve been wanting to quit for a year. I’d be fucked financially but I don’t get paid well to begin with.

 

Stressing about work and having to find a job as well. Good chance the company will have to close down unless a lot of work starts coming in and fast. I’ve had this job (well, different roles) for 22 years; the thought of having to do a job search and go somewhere else is terrifying for a multitude of reasons, especially with the current landscape.

 

Also been a very stressful work week for me. We had a big visit in our territory with our biggest supplier and they came to four of my accounts. Was getting ready and luckily I had help but mannnnnn did it suck. Also have had some family drama on the side with my Mom and step dad. Very glad tomorrow is Friday.

I was contemplating dry January but I’m very glad I didn’t lol. I need a beer or some whiskey this weekend. We’ve been doing good though about no drinking during the work week however so I’m happy about that.

 

Catching up on this thread after a long hiatus and I feel like I want to individually tell every one of you that I’m sorry what you’re going through and I hope this forum gives at least a little but of help.

Next week, I’m going back to therapy for the first time in a decade+. I truly believe I have ADHD or something of that type. I’m having a harder time concentrating on one thing, was way too impulsive with purchases and dating last year, my apartment’s a mess and I only half-clean it before I feel too exhausted. It’s a lot. I was on Ritalin as a kid and it did wonders for me. Teachers noticed a huge change. I got off it in my teenage years and weirdly, no one mentioned it again. It was like “I guess he’s cured.” But it’s definitely been building for awhile and I think it’s getting to a breaking point. I definitely need that extra help because I’m a fucking mess and feel like failure compared to my other friends.

 

Seven years ago my wife and I bought a very small, two bedroom home that is essentially a remodeled manufactured home in a neighborhood surrounded by much nicer homes. It was all we could really afford at the time (I was an independent contractor back then making very little and we had to jump through some serious hoops and fight like hell to even be considered) and we wanted to be sure to buy into an area that would at least give our kids a good education and safety and comfort. There’s also a lake with a playground down the street so that gives our kids something my wife and I also never had growing up.

So a few years ago I finally got a salaried job that at least paid well enough to allow us to feel secure for the first time ever. It’s not a lot, but it’s better than where I was at back when we started. Recently a house went up for sale literally just down the street from us with multiple bedrooms, an extra plot of land that makes the backyard huge, remodeled kitchen and living room, fireplace, etc. The siding is old and painted over and the roof would probably need work in the future and the bedrooms are old and have some wet spots and the paint is peeling, but they’re fixes that are manageable. It would just be so much more room and storage for us and our kids (we have two, a boy and a girl), and our kids would finally have rooms of their own. My son just turned nine in October and my daughter turns seven in July. They’re getting older and they’re starting to feel a certain way about themselves and lately my daughter has started asking more about privacy and wanting her own room. I want to be able to give them that.

So the house down the street is a little more expensive than we’d like it to be, for sure. Just to see if we might stand a chance, I went through the pre approval stage for a loan and was surprised to find we made the cut. Then we were told that if we made an offer at asking price, the seller would take it. So we made the offer, the seller took it, and then…our loan person hit us with the real world numbers of property taxes and interest and it was just…way too high. There was no way in the world we’d be able to make it work. So we hung our heads and backed out and then started talking about what we can afford. Looking around…yeah, not a whole hell of a lot. Certainly nothing in our area. When I was a kid my parents moved me away from my friends and it was devastating to me so I always promised myself I would never ever do that to my children. They’ve already established bonds with school friends and our neighbors and they like this area. I just can’t do it to them. And so now I’m looking around and realizing just how stuck we actually are. The market absolutely blows and I feel like we’ll never be able to compete. I’ve tried so hard to make more money and just can never seem to break out of the same status quo we’ve been in for so long. It feels genuinely hopeless and I’m pretty heartbroken watching this amazing housing opportunity just slip right on by. I don’t know how anyone does this anymore. How do some people live so comfortably and why does it feel like the rest of us will be fighting for scraps the rest of our lives?

 

I drive a ton for work. Minimum of 400-500 miles a week, topping at around 800 in the summer per week. I’ve been very lucky with animals given all of the rural driving I do. driving home yesterday, a 90 min drive, and the truck in front of me had a black cat spring out in front of him and he couldn’t avoid it. It was devastating and I couldn’t handle staying there longer than I did and he called the animal rescue nearby. 40 minutes later a raccoon ran in front of my car and I tried to avoid it but couldn’t and it’s fucked me up seeing those things happen so soon after one another. Thought I’d composed myself and saw the small dent in my bumper this morning and made it really re to get to work mode. The world already is heavy enough and trying to block it out to focus on work to have that happen was fucking brutal.

 

Is it possible to extend your home or make it bigger? Not sure how much more affordable that would be but my parents after I moved out expanded their basement and built a giant living room that made the home and storage much bigger. I guess it depends on the size of your property too.

 

black car or black cat?

 

Yeah, we looked into that and unfortunately - because our little house is sitting on a crawl space foundation - digging out and building a basement would be insanely expensive. Because of the current status of the crawl space, our house would not be strong enough to build up without also redoing the entire foundation. We’re on a very small lot (and also at the top of a little hill) with homes on either side of us so there’s no space to build out sideways. The house kind of just…is what it is and the more we talk about it, the more apparent it is that moving really is the only option.

 

Black cat.

 

sorry dude.

 

As someone that used to drive a similar amount for work, I relate to this way too much, especially on those long trips through rural south GA.

I saw a tiny kitten get run over on a super busy road like 10 years ago and it haunts me to this day.

 

yeah fuck that, nothing hurts me more than seeing animals get hurt. i've had a few experiences not worth sharing here that devastated me forever. i'm sorry man.

 

Yeah I saw something driving once with animals that I’m not even gonna post because it was very upsetting and fucked me up for weeks afterwards.

 

My dad just got laid off and he's already been sick with POTs for a few years now and the company had to make a bunch of accommodations for him like downgrading him from Controller to Accounting Manager because of it.. gonna be really hard to find himself something with his health. He has 3 more months and then another month of severance though, but still, feeling worried for him

Maybe weird to talk about someone else in a mental health thread, but I mean, it is technically weighing on my mental health worrying about it

 

Road kill really fucks me up. Like I’ll raise my hand up in order to block it from my view. I’ve seen some shit that has traumatized me too, so I totally get it; sorry you had to experience that.

 

Not at all. Very concerning however I will say my dad was in finance very similar to your dad his whole career and he got absolutely hosed. Essentially got forced out of his position due to hospital politics. The severance is very nice I will say and I would take it as a blessing for now. You’re a good son thinking of your dad! Wishing you both the best

 

Thank you so much!

 

I just worry for my parents in general. Their parents are no longer alive to fall back on, my mom has been jobless for 30 years so she couldn't escape her current relationship if she tried, and my dad has money issues between alimony, being sick, and now this. And they filed for bankruptcy only a few years before divorcing when I was in college so, no savings... just stinks.

 

relate about worry for my mom. She has to take care of my grandma. Shit is so hard. And lives alone with a woman with dementia. Being in the middle generation is so rough.

 

Hi, I’m a therapist if anyone needs help, happy to try!

 

DM'ed you :)