Mental Health Thread • Page 459

The side effects suck, hopefully they get better for you. If not you can def ask your doctor about changing or adding something to counter act it. I was on Lexapro for a while and added Wellbutrin to counter the weight gain and depression

 

School is going to cost me about $670 a semester, or $2000 a year, after tuition remission. Education is literally so expensive that even when a university offers it to their employees as a "free" benefit, they can't afford it

 

Hmm well that's interesting haha.

My fiance just goes "yeahh I've kind of thought you have high functioning autism since maybe 2 years into our relationship, I just didn't want to hurt your feelings". We've been together for 10 years haha. Interesting to think about. The test seemed kinda flawed though, all of the choices were like "always" or "never" kinda answers but when I read a lot of them I was like "well, yeah, this is true about me most of the time for sure, but not always"

 

not doing well this evening.

 

Been more and more curious about possible adult autism the more I read into it. Found this site with a list of symptoms, and only one of them doesn't apply to me lol

High Functioning Autism Checklist — THRIVING WELLNESS CENTER

I also seem to have signs of "stimming" where I shake my leg like crazy to the point of rattling dishes in the cabinets or shaking coworkers computer monitors. One of my old coworkers used to jam a bottle of Clorox wipes under her monitor to stop the shaking haha. I also will get fixated on one line for a few weeks or months and just verbally say it on repeat to myself constantly when I'm at home. Eye contact is tough. Have a hard time reading how people are feeling. I take everything literally. Talk over people a lot by accident. Abnormally obsessively hyper focus on something for a long stretch of time. Idk. Interesting stuff.

Would kind of be a relief to have a more concrete explanation for why I am the way that I am, it doesn't bother me at all if I do have it

 

or today, lol. my finances are just completely fucked. im hoping to get approved for a personal loan to help consolidate and pay off some credit card debt but idk if it will go through, even with my wife being added onto it. my credit score is literally rock bottom. we always seem to blow through money, and i know some of it is just bad habits (eating out is killer) but i just can't figure out how to get stable without just making a shitload more money. and if it feels this bad now, just wait a few months until we have the baby who we have to feed and clothe and provide for. i was extremely lucky to grow up not really wanting for much of anything and i am terrified my son will have a worse childhood than i did because my wife and i just can't fucking figure it out.

 

I feel that. I've maxed out $10k on my credit card

 

Oh great, I'm pretty much all those. Now I have to think about this constantly.

 

I think the tricky thing is that false positives become easier when you have a mental health disorder, so it's difficult to really know just from a screening. Sounds like you need several sessions with a qualified medical professional to really nail it down.

 

Man ive been kind of deteriorating lately due to lack of sleep, especially during the work week. I just slept for 10-11 hours and it was so needed. I don't even feel groggy and out of it from oversleeping. Been getting 5-6 hours a night for the past couple of years. So I literally just doubled that in a night lol.

 

Learning that I was on the spectrum a few years ago was one of the best things to happen in regards to understanding myself and my life — and in some ways — my Crohn’s Disease, sensory processing sensitivity, and addiction(s). Having a name for something and being able to explain why you’ve always felt different/the way you do/your inner workings to an extent makes a difference.

 

Going back to school is officially off the table for me, at least for now. I was handling it well until we actually made the decision. I know it's for good reasons -- we have to adjust to our new income, my wife's new insurance, and a child on the way, among other things -- but I just can't help but feel incredibly disappointed. I don't think highly of myself, and I don't deserve much happiness, but I really felt like I deserved this. It was my chance to do something satisfying and give back in the process. Who knows if we'll ever be in a place to try it again. I feel like I'm going to have PTSD from being accepted and backing out twice now. I just feel stupid and sad. I have plenty to be happy about, but still very sad about this one thing.

 

One of my friends from Pittsburgh was originally supposed to be flying out this week to visit me, but had to back out due to a family emergency. I am not mad at him whatsoever because his reasoning is perfectly legitimate, but it's still extremely disappointing because it's the one thing I was looking forward to this summer and now I have pretty much nothing to look forward to. This isn't being helped by my sister constantly demanding shit from me to the point where it basically feels like my entire summer has been spent being her chauffeur because her poor planning constantly has to be mine or my mom's emergency that we need to drop everything for. I'm tired. I'm miserable. I'm overwhelmed. And being behind on the Spectrum bill because the money has been needed to be used for other things also makes things even more difficult.

 

Definitely got our selves into a bit of a hoarding situation over the past few years here. But man, we've been cleaning non stop for like a week now and bagged and boxed so much junk, really excited to get it all out of here. We haven't decluttered this much ever. Probably 10+ trips to the compactor with a fully loaded SUV over the past week.

I can finally close the door to my office closet again!

Excited to finally get this shit out so I can thoroughly vacuum. The top of my corduroy La-Z-Boy became my cat's comfy spot and I just vacuumed so much fur off it

 

Yeah since starting work I can’t get more than 5-6 a night sometimes 4 and some days I nap for an hour after work but some days I can’t even rest for 15 minutes. My job is also physically and emotionally demanding I get 15-20k steps in every day and I deal with people some of whom are real pieces of work all day. It’s a lot. I overall enjoy what I do but I work very early in the morning while I’m generally a night person. I don’t like working nights though because I won’t do a single thing all day before I have a shift because all I can think about is how I have to work in x hours. Getting up and going to work means I get home and can just relax til bed. It’s better for my mental health in the long run but adjusting to a proper sleep schedule is hard because I’d have to go to bed at 9 to get a proper 8 hours every night and that’s just not happening. If I’m wiped out completely I might fall asleep closer to 9:30 but it’s usually between 10-11 when I lay down and can’t actually sleep til midnight sometimes.

 

Definitely feel the struggle of having to work mornings when you're a night person. I struggle to get myself to bed any earlier than 2 am haha. I consider it my introvert time to be able to just cool down, watch some YouTube and flip through my phone in bed, maybe play a bit on my handhelds.

Props to you man, glad to see you're otherwise enjoying the job! I know at my current weight I would struggle very hard to be on my feet for that long. Hope you get to meet Gordon one day

 

Yeah I put on a ton of weight when I got clean since I wasn’t working and I was using sugar as a dopamine replacement. I’ve talked about it in this thread before I’m pretty sure. and while my legs and ankles are killing me I’ve already lost between 5-10 pounds in the last few weeks. I’d like to be below 200 by next summer and at this rate it shouldn’t be too much of a challenge if I build up enough stamina at work to do something active for 30 minutes 3-4 days a week in addition to my normal work schedule. I was actually very worried when I started I wouldn’t be able to handle it and it’s been tough but I just power through and feel better about myself at the end of the night

 

I'm so afraid that backing out of school again is going to keep them from re-accepting me once it's financially viable. If that ever happens. I'm trying to focus all of my non-pregnancy energy into creative outlets for the next six months (a short script, finishing the next EP/LP) but I still can't shake how much it feels like I should be doing this instead.

 

If it’s any solace, I work in college admissions and I have never denied someone or thought less of someone for backing out after being accepted. Would be totally different if you enrolled and continually no-showed but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It sounds like you know what you need to be doing and have a plan to reach your goal once things settle a bit. Wishing you the best.

 

Thank you. This helps.

 

Feeling so very shitty and done

 

Has anyone tried acupuncture? I’ve been having back and neck problems for years and have been going to a chiropractor. It helps, but I’m looking for something different too.

 

Yoga does wonders for my back pain. Yoga With Adriene has a playlist of routines specifically for it.

 

I have a final round job interview on Thursday for an environmental educator position near SF. This is after having lived at home for the last almost 5 years and being out of work/school for almost the last 2 years. The org offers free housing if I get the job so I’d be moving out to the north Bay Area. The craziest part is the job would start on Monday. Needless to say, if I get the job, it will be a big change which is exciting but also a bit nerve-wracking.

Environmental education is a field I want to pursue a career in, and I think this job would be a great introduction and stepping stone. Fingers crossed I’ll get an offer!

 

Rooting for you!