Last Movie You Saw, Name & Review Movie • Page 167

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory - 8.5/10
There's not much I can say about this one that hasn't been said before. The fact that is has everything children's films are afraid to have now -- danger and genuine stakes -- makes the rest of it feel so much more magical. Yeah, the Oompa Loompas are kinda wack, and they did the fat kid dirty, but the songs are SO good, and Gene Wilder is SO funny. By the time you reach its abrupt ending, you won't even remember how cheap some of the set looks. It's a film that runs on pure imagination, the first of its kind since Mary Poppins - or maybe even The Wizard of Oz.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - 6.5/10
I'm gonna be real... I didn't want to like this. I loved it growing up, but when TBS ran it back to back with the original, I was prepared to find it more cringe-worthy than anything. And through Depp's introduction as Wonka, I was right. (That dude is literally never beating the Michael Jackson allegations.) But somewhere between the amazing chocolate room set and the ending, which is genuinely sweet and better than the original... I regret to say it won me over. Even if the Oingo Boingo songs are a lot. Also, Deep Roy's Oompa Loompa performance here is the most genuine example I've seen of something being Lynchian.

 

Rewatched the modern Planet of The Apes trilogy over the last couple of days while home with COVID and man these movies rule. They just look so good considering how much CGI is involved, and they’re SO sincere. Love them.

 

good thing we’re getting another planned PotA trilogy starting next year right

 

fr, dawn of the planet of the apes remains incredible

 

Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! - 5/10
File this one under "interesting premise, flawed execution." I'm all in on the dream/coma stuff and the protagonist being blind, although I wish they did a little more with it. And talk about a waste of Bill Moseley! Not nearly as bad as I was expected, just kind of aggressively okay. Kind of shockingly bland considering the plot elements mentioned above.

Saltburn - 7/10
Alternate Title: I Cum On Your Grave

It's insane how much that "plot twist" master plan sequence made me actively dislike this considering I LOVED pretty much everything else about it. I mean, it looks GREAT -- the aspect ratio, the film grain, the colors, the shot composition -- and I love the way the time period sets up the soundtrack. Great performances. I didn't spend the runtime thinking the movie was trying to say anything, but I did think Oliver's motives were unclear...until they were suddenly made WAY too clear. To me, it was a fun black comedy and thriller (Parasite by way of Single White Female) up until literally the last 10 minutes when Fennell shoots herself in the foot by trying to make it anything more than that.

Promising Young Woman's reveal had a very similar problem. It's so frustrating, because honestly, ending aside, I really enjoyed it. Sorry Josh!

 

Saltburn - filmed by adults, written by teenagers. You look down on me because im moppy but then take sympathy after finding out how poor i am but actually im middle class and the moppiness is my desire to fuck and kill you. Not a good story, made worse by piling on contrivences. Scene to scene it was let down by clunky writing that doesnt understand edgyness, you cant just say gross shit you have to write a clever joke with it. Carried along to watchable by the cinematographer going hard every chance they got, like at battle of bands when they suck but the drummer is 8years older and just ripping out killer fills.

 

My final pre-Christmas watches, a few days late.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966) - 5/10 I always hated Dr. Seuss. Even as a child it seemed to me that he was catering more towards boomer sensibilities. That being said, this was fine. Sticks pretty close to the source material and manages to get by on charm and brevity.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) - 1/10 A tacky, lurid nightmare. One of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life, and definitely the ugliest. If there was any justice in the world, this would have ended Ron Howard's career. Unfortunately, it made it almost triple its budget at the box office, and Howard went on to have an undeservedly successful career, making more terrible films. America deserved 9/11, yet learned nothing from it.

A Christmas Carol (1984) - 8/10 A made-for-television film that feels more like a theater production at points. George C. Scott's Scrooge is morose, when he needs to be, but also has a glint in his eye and a wry smile at almost all the times. The best adaptation of Dickens' novella.

A Christmas Carol (2009) - 1/10 Not sure if it's the time period or location that is to blame, but this is Zemeckis' most unpleasant looking animated film. Jim Carrey was so horribly miscast that I wanted to turn this off after 20 minutes, but gritted my teeth and stuck it out until the end. Bad.

Die Hard - 6/10 Bruce Willis gets his props, and deservedly so, but this time around I really noticed how much fun Alan Rickman was having here. An entertaining watch, if nothing else.

A Charlie Brown Christmas - 4/10 Starts promisingly, but goes downhill fast. Felt like the ideas were there, but the tissue connecting them together was flimsy at best. 15-minutes worth of material stretched to a 25-minute runtime.

The Shop Around the Corner - 9/10 Decided to do a Jimmy Stewart Christmas Eve double feature with this and It's a Wonderful Life. Incredibly charming. A film in which two people fall in love through prose alone. The ultimate meet cute and the kind of romantic comedy that can make grown men giggle like schoolgirls. Just delightful all around.

It's a Wonderful Life - 10/10 What can you say about this that hasn't already been said a million times before? A lovely celebration of community and the importance of people working together for the greater good. As close to perfect as a film could ever be.

 

Why the fuck would you think this was okay to say?

 

must’ve missed that part

 

...why would that not be an okay thing to say?

 

Not even going to bother giving that an actual response. Jesus Christ

 

I skimmed and decided to not acknowledge the post when I saw the Charlie Brown review.

 

Dial Code Santa Clause - 8/10
This was much darker and even better than I remembered from first watch. I think the tone is what really sells it; it's a campy 90s action-horror about a rich whiz kid facing off with a not-all-there rampaging Santa, but from the moment he arrives at their mansion, it's played almost ENTIRELY straight. Even when they're in a giant fantasy-adjacent toy room. There's a dramatic montage of the kid burying his dog, for Christ's sake. That ending is DARK. A very insane, very good Christmas thriller.

Silent NIght, Deadly Night 4: Initiation - 7.5/10
A little dry at times, but then Yuzna and Screaming Mad George bust out a giant larvae or Clint Howard in an Eyes Wide Shut mask and it reminds you that, although the film has little to do with Christmas and nothing to do with its precursors, it is very likely better for it. Looking forward to revisiting this one in the future, lots of cool stuff going on even if it doesn't all quite come together.

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker - 7.5/10
More consistently paced than Initiation, but a little less interesting, too. I'm probably overrating this one a little, but how can I be expected not too when I'm basically watching Mickey Rooney in a Puppet Master Christmas flick? The ending is absolutely batshit insane in a way that 100% jumps the shark, but may be potentially great? What a wild note to end this franchise on.

Boardinghouse - 6.5/10
When I bought this, I had no idea it was an SOV flick, let alone the first. With that in mind, it's as batshit insane as you'd hope and expect, although it does spin its wheels for a bit in the middle. (I watched the Home Video Cut, but will likely try the "theatrical cut" next time.) Still, an absolutely bonkers plot with some great gore and psychedelic visual choices. You probably know whether this is for you before you even watch it!

A Charlie Brown Christmas - 9/10

 

figured charlie brown would be the one people would have the most issues with, yeah lol. tried to be as nice as i possibly could be while reviewing it

 

That was one of the fastest blocks I've ever made

 

Ok but really Jim Carrey’s The Grinch was hands down the worst movie I’ve watched all year, maybe ever, and this in a year where we purposely watched bad Hallmark Christmas movies.

 

It fucking sucks

 

Rewatched blackhat last night, not sure why it got mostly bad reviews. I thought it was pretty solid.

 

Blackhat was very good.

 

The Grinch with Jimmy boy is top tier

 

i want to see the director's cut of blackhat, especially if it's anything like the "swen cut"

 

I just watched The Rapture and holy fuck that's one of the ballsiest movies I've ever seen. Just ruthless in following the logic of its premise right up to the abyss and over the edge into it. I'm stunned.

 

C.H.U.D. - 6.5/10
Better than I remembered, still missing something that ties it all together. But it's smart, it's likable, and the creature design is great, so I have a feeling it could grow on me.

No Hard Feelings - 6/10
Fun! A simple and funny enough studio comedy to make you feel nice and nostalgic for the time more movies like this got theater runs. Nothing revelatory -- it's a little tonally inconsistent and long-winded -- but otherwise functions exactly as it's supposed to. Very hard to dislike.

Scream VI - 6.5/10
I like this movie, I really do. And given how silly some of the Scream reveals are, it wouldn't be fair for me to say Scream VI jumps the shark. But it is the first movie in the franchise to kind of lose me. I should elaborate that Scream Vi has some all-time franchise highs, including the ladder scene, the bodega scene, and Gayle's apartment scene. But it's the first film where the reveal feels more important than the film, and even then, I think they fumbled the reveal a little bit. There's just too much that doesn't add up, including Sam taking the time to dress up as Ghostface at the very end. Too much meta humor, too much plot armor, too much CW-level drama between characters. And it could lose 20 minutes. But as far as "smart" slashers go? It's still really, really fun. (I only dish it out because I know this franchise is strong enough to take it.)

Backwoods Marcy - 5/10
This is, without a doubt, one of THE independently funded fetish films of all time.

 

Poor Things - 8/10
I needed to chew on this for a few days after seeing it, and that's a good thing - the further I am away from it, the more I look forward to returning to this world. I'm in love with the way it looks. I understand the reasoning for the brothel portion, but after 20 minutes of freaky-deeky sex montages, you're kind of ready to move on. That minor complaint aside? It's a mostly wonderful, always interesting film filled with great performances and directing. I don't think it's the best of 2023 as some others do, but it's certainly up there. Seeing this on NYE was a great way to ring in the New Year.

The Pyramid - 3/10
Imagine fumbling a found footage haunted house film set in a pyramid. Couldn't be me. The CGI sphinx cats and Anubis are fascinatingly bad. Bummer!