Mental Health Thread • Page 365

I was thinking you had forgotten, honestly had been thinking about you hoping things were better.

Damn yeah that doesn't sound good. Hope that cardiologist appointment goes well! Also hope Lexapro works better for you than it did for me, it made my anxiety worse.

I've been doing alright lately for the most part. We just got back from travelling and we left 3 of my kids with grandparents and it's kinda making me feel a bit anxious without them here weirdly enough. I've definitely been much better in the past few months than I was the first couple of months of the year.

 

I’ve been feeling extremely lonely lately and it’s just been really hard. I really need to make friends bc I have none but idk how really. I tried looking on some apps for finding groups and stuff but I live in a rural area so everything is at least an hour away and it’s hard to do any with my work schedule. I try to go do things by myself but I really wish I had people to hang out with. I live alone and work from home so unless I’m with my nephews or something I’m always by myself. I tried to get in touch with people I used to be friends with but they all already have friend groups or one told me she really only hangs out with other moms now since she has kids so that rules me out. Living in a rural area really makes it hard but it’s the only place I can afford. I just feel really stuck and alone and wish I actually had a support system.

 

In the same boat at the moment. Told myself I’d start looking once I moved but I just have no energy after talking on the phone all day at work.

 

I’m off work until late August (I work at a school and we’re on summer break) and I feel useless, lmao. That job gives me so much purpose and motivation and without it I’m just kinda hanging out, which inevitably leads to me spiraling mentally. I also was not proactive at all about finding work for the summer and though I’ve been applying and interviewing nothing has worked out so I’m super nervous about money in addition to the general feeling of blah. I miss my kiddos so much.

 

I just had a complete breakdown and think I realized just how alone I've been feeling and really missing my family. As soon as college hit, my younger sister moved to Colorado and decided to never come back. We're less than a year apart and had shared friends so we were really close. Then junior year of college hit, and my parents sat us down to tell us that my dad was coming out and they were getting a divorce. They just wanted to wait until we were adults to tell us. After that, the whole family dynamic shifted. My mom got a boyfriend and just stopped being around. She was always my best friend and I love her to death, but she's completely let her boyfriend come in between us and half the time there's some dumb fucking excuse for me to not come over even if it's just to do a load of laundry. We live 10 minutes away from each other and I barely see her. My dad moved 2 hours away so I don't get to see him much anymore either, but he at least makes a fucking effort and drives to see me more than I see my mom. I love them both so much, they were the best parents a kid could ask for and never made me feel unloved growing up. Now everyone is just apart and I pretty much only see them on holidays. I miss everyone and am just really hurting. I selfishly miss my parents being together even though it was a loveless marriage. I miss living in the same house as them and my sisters. Idk. I just have been feeling so alone and depressed lately and miss being a kid. I just miss cuddling with my mom on the couch and watching TV together. I dunno if I'm gonna leave this post up, but just wanted to vent a bit. I never cry and was just sobbing for over an hour with my fiance.

 

That sounds rough having your family change like that. Idk what to say except we’re all here if you need anything.

 

Thanks a lot, I really appreciate the kind words. I've just been going through a lot lately in general, mostly the pressures of work, and I guess the kid in me misses having a home to fall back on

 

Yeah, I get that. I turned 30 last year and adulthood is hitting me hard lately. I know you’re drifting from your family, but do you have others you can talk to about stuff like this?

 

Thankfully my fiance has been really supportive and glad I had her to cry with. I do think I'm in real serious need of a therapist though before I snap and straight up sabotage my career, I've been putting it off for far too long, my therapist stopped taking my insurance a few years ago and I never bothered looking for another heh

 

Awesome. Idk what I’d do without my significant other either. Therapy really helps me too. Insurance stuff was a pain and took me a while to get it settled, but I’ve been seeing the same one for years. I definitely think everyone should be in therapy.

 

I need to get back in therapy but have just been too lazy/don’t want to ever do anything.

 

I really empathize and feel for you. My brother is my best friend and we used to see each other at least a couple times a week even we he lived further away from me. Now, we live a couple miles from each other and I haven't seen him in weeks. He and his wife see two therapists that are married, and one of them recently hired my brother's wife and they've also been going out to all kinds of events, buying my brother and his wife expensive dinners, etc. I don't know if it has anything to do with our relationship (he's also been working a lot) but it seems really unhealthy and unprofessional. I call my parents a couple of times a week, but since my dad retired, they also seem reluctant to come out and like spend a day at my house even if we offer to cook for everyone. All this to say, different circumstances, but I'm having similar feelings and I hope you can find a way hold onto some of those relationships. I'm pulling for you.

 

tw: substance abuse

Don't want to be too serious or doom and gloom on here but I had a really bad episode last night. Decided to have a few drinks because my fiancee's family came over to swim and have lunch. This is already a bad idea because I know drinking before a workday gives me insane anxiety, but I plan on cutting myself off after a few and way before bedtime, so I'll sober up. Then, her mom brings up how stressed we've been because of wedding planning and says "Why are you even having a wedding if it's this stressful?"

Not only is she the one that freaked out when we initially told her we wanted to elope, but this is like the tenth person that has said some shit about "If I could do my wedding over, I wouldn't spend as much," or "You won't even remember it" or something diminishing about a day I'm really excited for. This is all on top of stressing about who's invited and trying to slim down a bit before the wedding. And then, my SO responded with "Well Aaron wanted a wedding," which was just really unintentionally hurtful and unfair and made me feel like I was the only reason we are spending so much fucking money on this wedding.

So, I kept drinking. And I took my klonopin, which you absolutely should not do. And I kept drinking until about 10:30 (probably 10 drinks) and then crashed on the couch, don't remember falling asleep. Woke up at 1:30 and went to bed. Woke up this morning having extreme anxiety (of course) and decided to take the booze to the basement and download a sobriety app. Not sure if it will be permanent, but I have impulse control issues and going at least a month is the only way I can think to break this cycle of using when I'm upset. I want to be a better partner (even if she did upset me in the moment) and I want to be better to myself in regards to my physical, mental, and emotional health.

Sorry for being so longwinded.

 

Was just reminded today that my memere is moving to hospice and it's really hitting me that she's my last surviving grandparent

 

I remember being in that position. It's tough. Thinking of you.

 

Unfortunately, this didn't last that long. I'm back to being stressed the fuck out. I am still making the effort to spend time with friends, and the Pittsburgh trip is still happening so I'm very much looking forward to that. A lot of the stress has to do with my work's summer pay schedule sucking. Like, I know my pay will be decent enough when I get it, and there lies the problem. It's biweekly but the first one of the summer only covers the extra hours I worked towards the end of the school year, and the next one does cover more of my actual summer hours but there's still going to be a gap since they only had everyone come in either the 27th or the 28th and then nothing in between then and the 5th of July. My bus route did start a few days earlier than everyone else's (July 5th) so I won't take as much of a hit as some of the other bus aides and drivers will, but I swear they purposely set it up to be inconvenient as possible. And of course, you get paid absolutely nothing if you don't work during the summer. I love my job as a bus aide but this part of it is fucking frustrating.

I know that was a bit tl;dr but because of all of that, some bills will have to be paid a little late. And I know ultimately things will probably be okay, but I can't help but go into doomer mode since it feels like every other little thing starts to go wrong at the same time.

 

Finally got to see my brother for the first time in weeks

 

My mother has 6-12 months left, the cancer has spread near her heart and into her abdomen. I’ve been dealing with this for over a year now just holding on to the tiniest sliver of hope for some good news, and now this. I can’t even make it through a single day without thinking she won’t be here much longer. Over this period of time I’ve developed an addiction, and have started having panic attacks that feel like a heart attack followed by complete depersonalization. Therapy isn’t really helping. My girlfriend doesn’t know how to support me. My dad is broken, we can’t even talk about it without weeping. I can’t help but feel like my future just looks like complete shit. I do nothing but play video games to keep my mind occupied. I feel like no one understands. My mother is the brightest light in my life, I can’t bare this pain. I feel numb to angry and depressed, back to numb a hundred times a day. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just don’t have many outlets. Touché Amore’s Stage Four and Sufjan’s Carrie and Lowell are all I listen to, I cry on the way to work every morning. I feel like ever since Covid happened I’ve entered a false time line, like none of this should be happening. At first it felt like I was grieving something that didn’t exist, and now there is reason behind the grieving.

 

My brother is seven years younger than me and just moved out of my mom’s. My mom has never been by herself and has had a history of terrible relationships and marriages (she wasn’t the problem). She has never been expressive when it comes to emotions and raised me and my brother as a single mom. She’s been telling us she’s talking to herself and is lonely lately. It’s catching me off guard and making me feel guilty, even though I know that’s unreasonable. I could go over and visit, but we don’t talk about much and it’s awkward. I don’t know how to respond, what advice to give, or what to do.

 

I’m very sorry to hear this. I don’t have words to help, but I’m sending good vibes your way :)

 

So sorry to hear this. I still have both of my parents and I worry about losing them constantly. Can’t prepare myself for getting this kind of news.

 

I know how this feels. I moved to a new city for a job with no friends around after grad school thinking I’ve always made friends and in that setting I really struggled. Eventually I made one single friend and I relied on him too much. It was definitely lonely for a few years and I still haven’t made very many close friends after 8 years. If there’s any place around you to volunteer for charity I’ve found those experiences to be good for socializing.

 

Warning for potential domestic violence. I'm not expecting anyone to have answers or advice for the situation, I just needed to get it off my chest

For the past few months, my neighbor has been having some sort of domestic dispute/violence situation. Screaming, doors being slammed, things or people hitting the wall so hard that it shakes. I know at least one person involved is Black so I don't feel comfortable calling the cops. I've spoken with the building manager and I know she's tried to do something but it just stops for a week and then picks back up. There's no consistency to when it happens. I reached out to a local DV hotline that said it accepted calls from concerned friends/family/neighbors and was told that "we're a domestic violence and sexual assault hotline so we can't really help and if you don't feel comfortable calling the police you can place the call anonymously and here's a phone number for free legal advice." I don't feel comfortable trying to intervene because I'm a pretty small person and live by myself. I feel completely helpless and like I'm being complicit because there's no one to call for emergency intervention other than the police.

 

Went to dinner with my bandmate and fiancee to see our other bandmate play live. Three songs in, he sits in the grass and they end up driving him off because something is wrong. Then, before my fiancee can even sit down, my fiancee's mom calls and asks her to drive back into the city to take her to a psychiatric hospital. So I am just on pins and needles right now hoping everyone is okay and that nothing else happens today

 

It’s unfortunate the DV hotline wasn’t more helpful than that. Have you been able to find a time when the victim is alone to talk to them to determine their comfort with you calling the police when things sound bad?