Mental Health Thread • Page 345

Since it was tinder there’s not much of a profile to go off of or match questions. I like to compare those the most because it gives me an indication if the person is possibly someone I can be compatible with. My ex lied to me about everything. Literally everything and I’m still dealing with his bs (actually it’s mostly his gfs immature bs, but she’s doing things to drag him into it which he denies any involvement, she’s obsessed with me for whatever reason it’s creepy). I’m already awkward and shy in person, so if I “click” with someone over messaging I feel it’s easier to want to meet than if I didn’t click

 

Have you tried Hinge? I haven’t done a ton of online dating, but had a lot more luck finding cool people on there.

 

Yes. I’ve tried hinge, OkCupid, tinder, bumble, meet me (worse than pof imo). In the past pof (which SUCKS)... I’m out of options. The dating pool just is terrible in my area

 

I’ve tried so many apps and keep deleting and coming back to it. It all sucks, I feel you there. I will say this about your earlier comment about meeting so soon. A year or so ago when I was talking to a few people I found that you kinda have to ask quickly to gauge whether they’ll ever meet you. I found those that I asked sooner actually met up with me rather than those I was messaging for weeks. Not true in all situations but maybe being upfront and saying you like the conversation but would rather wait a little could work? Best of luck to you!

 

Best friend decided to cut the friendship over a small argument that got blown to shit which I had with his roommate. Proceeds to unload a bunch of unfair accusations about how I am as a friend when he's the one who gaslights me and puts me down for things I can't change about myself. All of this happened while he knows I'm having the worst depression swings of my life.

 

Feeling really burned out from work and life, plus I feel a deep depression coming along. I'm broke as usual and I don't see things getting better any time soon. I come home from work and just go straight to bed.

 

I always mention I like to get to know them more first (especially tinder) It’s half and half. Some people are ok with some and others get mad. From that I automatically know it won’t work out because I can’t be respected. Seeing how much my last relationship traumatized me and how my ex literally lied to me about EVERYTHING I’m extra careful. I don’t want to waste my time to find out something that’s a “deal breaker” or waste their time. But it does vary. Like the app OkCupid where you have match questions, if I like the answers to someone’s questions and what they have in their profile, it’ll take me less time to want to meet because I already have a sense of who they are that is if they didn’t lie.

 

I know time won't stop for me or anyone else, but it's really terrifying me how fast everything happens. I'm so scared of dying. I feel so old and I want time to slow down. It feels like each year is becoming a month long and it's all going to be over so quickly. Someone please help me.

 

I feel like I’m wasting away. Everything in my life is on pause. Don’t know when I’ll see my partner again, I only work one day a week and get rejected or hear nothing from every job I apply for, I look at my body and feel disgusted, losing my motivation and energy again so I might as well actually waste away.

 

I keep questioning what the hell I'm doing. My heart is in two different places, and in the place where it wants to be the most, it can't be. Sometimes I wake up feeling good. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I haven't done anything right in my entire life. Today is one of those days. They're all too common.

 

I find myself in this quagmire of my emotions and demons. I feel like I’m just addicted to conflict and anger, I try so hard to be positive and happy but I can’t. I find myself super lonely but I also know I can’t just date without dealing with my problems, that’s not fair to a partner to dump my shit on them. I keep being this angry dad that yells all the time and it hurts me, I’m just continuing this cycle that’s cursed my family. I just feel worthless, unwanted.

 

I've felt similarly, like I'm the one attracting problems and exacerbating them but without good reason. Because of that, I isolated myself for a while before finally trying to date again. Now that I'm in what is definitely the healthiest and happiest relationship I've ever had, it's a continuous struggle because of what you said: it's "not fair to a partner to dump my shit on them." Neither the isolation nor the dumping-on-partner is healthy, though.

I also have-had an angry father and I saw so much of him in myself when I fought with my partner. Seeing that come out pushed me to get help, and it was just enough to practice letting go of that anger. It also helped me to communicate with my partner the issues I see in our relationship that cause me to bring out the worst side of myself.

You're definitely not worthless, but you gotta want what's best for yourself and want yourself to be happy, too. It's hard getting to that point when one feels so much anger and negativity, but it's worth it, just like you are. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more!

 

So during my last therapy session I had another breakdown and my therapist brought me back around to the idea that I might try medication. I’m just having an increasingly difficult time handling things on my own. My mindfulness techniques are a huge help when I remember to utilize them properly in the moment, but I am struggling more than ever. So I talked it over with my wife and she was so supportive, which was wonderful because I was crying on the couch and feeling like a mess. I have my next session on Thursday where I’ll tell her I’ve decided to go forward with it. I think I’ve always known I need it, but I’m scared because my mom went on antidepressants when I was 13 and she had no support or, in my opinion, the proper medication/dosage. It turned her into a literal zombie for a long time and she kind of vanished from our lives for a while because of it. That’s always scared me because I’ve been afraid of repeating that cycle with my own kids even though I know the mental health field has come a long way in the last twenty years and I have a much better support system. I know it will likely be trial and error and that makes me nervous too. I’m feeling very anxious about it but also kind of hopeful. It would be nice to try something new.

 

My anxiety is the worst it has been in years and I know it is 100% bc of my job but it's either this company or go back to the grocery store where I couldn't even afford to eat sooooo kinda have no choice but to stick it out!! They yell at me over every little mistake I make and I got in big trouble with my boss today. I'm in a constant state of panic that I'm going to lose my job but also in a constant state of panic when I'm working that I'm going to make a mistake and get yelled at again. So basically, I'm an anxious mess all day and dread having to go to work.

 

What's the best thing to do if over the past several months your psych doctor seems intent (taking it seriously) on interrogating you/building a case for a crime you didn't commit? How would you most effectively prove to them you didn't do something they suspect you of doing if you lack hard evidence, and apparently suck at convincing them you're acting in good faith?

 

I wake up every morning with tears in my eyes. I don’t know how I’m ever going to forgive myself.

 

Find a new doctor imo. That's not okay to do.

 

You deserve to forgiveness and empathy, especially from yourself, Ken.

 

The challenging thing is, even though I guess this clinic technically committed malpractice on me (they admitted to overmedicating me for several years), I seem dependent on at least one of the medications and haven't found another clinic that offers them at a price even remotely as affordable. Hopefully I'll find another place soon.

Anyone here try online counseling before (Better Help, etc)? If so how was your experience?

 

I’m just tired of everything

 

This Julien Baker song is in constant rotation because of how I connect these lyrics with my mental illness.

“If I could do what I want
I'd become an electrician
I'd climb inside my head
And I'd rearrange the wires in my brain
A different me would be inhabiting this body
Have two cars, a garage, a job
And I would go to church on Sunday
A diagram of faulty circuitry
Explains how I was made
And now the engineer is listening
As I voice all my complaints
From an orchestra of shaking metal keeping me awake
I was just wondering if there was any way that you made a mistake

Well I heard there's a fix for everything
Then why, then why, then why
Then why not me?”

 

I'm being forced to change teams at my job because more people took early retirement than expected and I'm having so much anxiety thinking about my new responsibilities. I'm supposed to lead the team and I'm just afraid it'll take me so long to catch up to speed that I won't be of any value. Id prefer more heads-down, independent work. My appetite is trash now heh.

 

I'm an idiot, a loser, and I'm pathetic. I've been stuck in the same stage of life for years with no progress in anything.

 

I feel this a lot right now, I hope things start looking better soon

 

I've been hoping things get better for years. Maybe it's time I come to the realization that they won't.