Mental Health Thread • Page 35

Update: I went to the counseling center at school to submit myself for therapy. I only get ten "free" sessions (still gotta pay tuition tho) and I don't get one until next Friday. Not just about my relationship but I think this kind of made me revisit a lot of past trauma that I think I need to talk about. It's hard but I'm excited for it

also wrote my ex a letter this morning, thanking her for everything and just explaining my mental state, and apologizing for I guess letting it our relationship get to this point. I told her I wanted to respect her wishes and give it time because she probably needs some too. Not sure if i want to give it to her, at least right now. life gets too real

 

Fuck. I'm sitting here having one of my worst days in a while, a friend is talking to me about feeling suicidal, another friend is like "pfft, you're fine", and I'm getting shit from a couple of other friends about stuff.

This is too much. I can't.

 

Horrible. If you need/want to talk about it some more just post away.

@Owlex if there's a chance she would appreciate that letter and make her feel better i'd say go for it. Also good luck! I'm ridiculously scared of therapy.

 

I really just don't even know what to talk about at this point. Panicking at the thought of friend going through with something (she lost her boyfriend to suicide almost a year ago and has been in a bad way since). Finding it hard to even begin to explain to myself the things I'm feeling right now, let alone figure out where they're coming from. Mentioned in my "besties" group chat that today is a really bad mental day and have received very little response. I've literally just been sitting on my couch for the last six hours not doing much of anything. I just don't want to. Sent another friend who has been super supportive lately a couple of texts to check in since we haven't talked in a few days and haven't received a response.

I don't even know what I should do. If I say "hey, today's a bad day, I don't feel like myself and I just can't deal", I'm either ignored, someone else talks about how much worse their life is, or I get made fun of. Or I start a discussion and feel like a giant asshole and I feel like I'm pawning my mental shit off on someone else who doesn't need it to be added to their mental shit.

Life is fucking hard right now.

 

I can relate. Well, just talking about it here is healthy already. If it's any consolation, I am so sick of hearing only voices from my head so it's such a nice change of pace to hear someone else's experiences for a change.

I get angry a lot with people as well, placing expectations on them and getting disappointed when they don't deliver. I understand it could be frustrating, and it might be a lot of the things I'm saying might not even apply to you. But come on if that's the case you need to stop talking to those people who make you feel that way or at least avoid them during episodes.

If you don't feel like doing anything today, then don't. Just focus on little things, like trying to give yourself breathing space. You can try something you wouldn't normally try (like listen to rap music, play DND, read a comic, or if you're feeling lazier read a comic strip - anything that might change your perspective) but don't think about it much so you wouldn't get anxious that much (but if you're not up to it don't force yourself). You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Go at life on your own pace. I'm just rambling but I must point out that I do really relate.

Hope the best for your friend as well. And I hope you find a way to get out of your toxicity today! I've been listening to A Better Place, A Better Time consistently this month. Just hits so hard.

EDIT: just added some more stuff

 

I just want everyone to know that even though I don't participate much in this thread, I read each and every one of your posts in here. I am probably not good at it, but if anyone ever needs a PM box to rant to, mine is always open. You're all phenomenal people. Our world is much better with each of you.

 

She has always encouraged me to write my feelings down, she's definitely a writer. I think she might but I think I might sit on it for a couple days just to think about it. It felt kinda good though

And thanks! I was pretty scared too but I felt like I needed it. Still scared but also excited

 

Thank you guys for the support last night - today is much better than yesterday was. And I do need to have a good talking to with my friends - they're assholes when I have a bad day like this, but that's how they are. I need to let them know that I need something else from them on those days.

I hope everyone else is having a pretty decent day, at the very least. :)

 

A new AI is detecting depression using Instagram

 

moved into my new apartment today...not that i didn't think my breakup was permanent before, but now it feels extra permanent and extra depressing

 

*hug*

 

*second hug*

 

I think I've given up on being much of anything, and am just kinda living routine, counting down to expiration, and hoping I can make people happy along the way.

 

same I think, I want a legacy I want to be remembered forever, but how I'm not creative or motivated, so I think I'll settle for any confidence or happiness

 

You don't have to change the world to impact the people around you profoundly.

 

^
Yeah, I've pretty much gone with that route as well. Still, I think same as others, you just can't help but get frustrated from time to time.

Pretty steady week so far. Just got assigned a good amount at work, and finishing them at a nice pace, spending an hour or so after with the SO (our offices are near each other) and then going straight home to binge on Xenoblade Chronicles X. Sleep has been slightly problematic though.

Just need to keep this up for 100 more years and not anger some random god and everything's gonna be fine.

 

I'm stressed to the max right now. We are grossly understaffed and working so much is really wearing on me. I'm a people pleaser and I need to stop saying yes. The employees we have aren't even competent enough to do their jobs so it's piled on those of us who can. My vacation even had me working a little. /rant

 

I've been following down the path like many of you said: grinding away the daily life and hoping I can impact others. I've really wanted to do something big (more to help others than myself), I'd love to do something I actually enjoy for once. I feel very worthless and grinding away at my daily job is just that, a grind. It's not fulfilling at all and I just honestly need the money. I wish I could do something I actually love... Hobbies just aren't enough right now. It's hard to do something you don't enjoy all day and then come home and have any motivation/brain power left to do something you actually love. It also doesn't help that my girlfriend visited last week and then she left and I don't know the next time she'll be back (hopefully late September/early October but idk). Music helps but also makes me realize that I'm not living my dream and I can't make any strives to get there because I'm so exhausted with everyday life.... UGH. Also, on top of it all missing her just makes me sad all the time, it's hard being away from your other half.

 

Agreed, I definitely feel that frustration for sure. Hope I wasn't coming across as trivializing anyone's frustration on that issue. Just trying to help remind myself and others that the biggest changes you can make to the world is the immediate space around you. I was reminded of that over the weekend when I linked up with a friend I hadn't seen in a few months and was blown away by his drive, compassion and thirst to make things better. True inspiration to me.

 

Anybody else with a history of Bipolar 2? I was diagnosed last year and have been having a hell of a time with meds and my depression/anxiety.

My doc just switched me from one generic manufacturer to another for Lamotrigine- can there really be differences between generic forms? Anyone else experience with a generic switch?

 

I've taken both types of Lamictal and they both work the same way, imo.

 

Yeah that's what I had always thought.

I was having some hesitation with what my doc was telling me because she's been slamming me with a lot of drugs, quick dose increases, and just stopping prescriptions cold-turkey (just in the past month I've gone from Seroquel XR, to gabapentin, to risperdol), so I went for a second opinion from another doc today, and she told me my generic lamotrigine made by Aurobindo tends to give her patients increased irritability, so she called in for a different generic manufacturer of the same drug. I guess this just seems rather strange to me because I can't find any evidence on Google and always thought they were all the same? I'll see how things go. I'm just tired of getting overwhelming depressive and anxious cyclical thoughts, and every doc I see says that I want to be on Lamictal for BP2. Which was only diagnosed in a half hour appt after filling out a questionnaire..

 

Zoloft exacerbated my episodes so my doc put me on Prozac. I also take Zyprexa, Lamictal, and Seroquel. I hope things get better for you!

 

@bigmike didn't even cross my mind! I was just adding to what you said, but I'm def in the same page as you

Hope you've been feeling better then.

 

Thanks guys ^^. Tried the risperdol for the first time last night to replace my Seroquel XR, and I didn't sleep a wink last night >_>. Seroquel did soo much for my insomnia, but coming off it, my sleep's worse than ever heh.

Aelnire, out of curiosity, are you on Seroquel IR or XR?