utterp1gwAnk2k20 • Page 798

Noooo, it was the perfect place to stock up and stay forever. It was equipped for holding all of the food that hundreds of people needed at a time so it had a massive pantry, a giant walk in, and a commercial kitchen. It was a pain to have to walk from the cabin to that area any time I needed to cook, but I made some incredible food. Lol.

 

no I meant personally as antisocial as I am I could never be a hermit haha, I don't want to spoil your fantasy

 

this was my first thought

and this was my second thought. i've definitely seen a bunch of movies that start like that but don't end well...

 

Anyone else smoking herb

 

it's 9:37 so yeah

 

smoked a bowl about ten minutes ago

 

More like what didn't I do

 

you alright?

 

I swear I’ve talked about it before but maybe not! It is kind of a tough subject so I guess I don’t bring it up all the time. There was a period from 2012 to 2013 where my mom and I didn’t have a home and went between staying with friends for a while and eventually landing at the camp. It was basically unused at the time and the director was fighting with the Presbytery who owned it so she just let us live there and fudged it that we were doing upkeep and volunteering, which was sort of true. Other people had stayed there off and on before but we were the longest I think. One of my super close friends lived there year round as well as part of her job so we spent tons of time together and made the most of it for me.

 

Fuck yes!!!!! Me too!!

 

Damn. I mean that sounds like shitty circumstances but also sounds kind of awesome

 

I'm just like super jaded and cynical. I think capitalist America is going to ruin the world literally. I know all this shit about climate change and marginalized people but do nothing about it.

I want to be healthier but keep getting drunk and smoking weed. My dad is worried I'll get.diabetes which is a very real possibility. I eat like trash.

I keep saying I want to start writing and music projects but I never follow through. I'm constantly tired. Nothing makes me consistently happy anymore. I daydream about quitting my job and driving off to God knows where with what little money I have just to see what will happen.

Idk, I just don't give a shit anymore fam. And it's wrong. I should care about something. Anything.

 

Which herb

 

Yeah it was a very complicated time. There was a lot of other drama and issues surrounding it that I know I haven’t talked about, but it made for some weird moments. Every now and then they would still have official camp events in the offseason and sometimes my friend and I would come back from lunch or the gym or something just in normal real-life mode and be met with a bunch of random people in church camp mode and not know how to process that. It brought us a lot closer together for sure though, and I doubt we would have gotten to that point not being neighbors.

 

So much of this sounds like when my depression is flaring up badly. I hate that you’re going through that. Really hope things start looking up soon where you can feel happy again, even if the world is trash.

 

Thank you
Hope you're doing well yourself friend.

 

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time, man. I'm not sure if anything I say can make a difference for you but just know you have people here who care about you and we're here to help in whatever way we can. I have been through very similar struggles. my father has said the same thing to me. I used to drink and smoke weed incessantly. I didn't care about shit and it cost me the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I knew the ills of the world and instead of trying to change myself or the world around me, I backslid over and over. I was a cynical, jaded, bitter asshole to almost everyone in my life.

some of these things are things I'm still struggling with, but I have made great strides in changing the way I live and see the world. I don't eat half as bad as I used to. I don't drink half as much soda. I quit drinking. I curbed my weed smoking habit quite a bit, in fact today I could've smoked at any time but waited till around 4 to smoke at all. I'm trying every day to be less cynical about things. my favorite teacher once told me "you either get bitter or you get better and you've gotten better" and those words stuck with me, even if I was faking trying to be a better, healthier, more patient and kind person at that time. but I think if you take anything I say to heart then I hope it's this: you can change your life for the better at any second. you can decide right now that you want to be better, that you want to live for something more, and that you want to be happy and fulfilled. I promise you it is attainable. but you have to try to improve yourself and your situation and I believe you can if you commit yourself to wanting the best life you can have for yourself. I'm sorry if this seems preachy or seems like a string of platitudes but I believe this stuff and I hope you can believe in it too. be well

 

Weed

 

Sounds like you need a change buddy

 

I think a lot of what we understand to be mental illness is at minimum acutely exasperated by what we know as late stage capitalism

 

Oh






No