QuarAnt1ned • Page 702

You might not know it, but there’s a cop in this photo.

 

When’s spring break?

 

Not soon enough middle of March

 

cooked up some bolognese sauce, got some pasta in, whipped up some homemade garlic bread, cracked a bottle o’ red, what a good time.

 

CC:@Ken this is copyright infringement

 

I used to just get 7 days, but it’s 11 days this year

 

If they weren’t such cowards it coulda been the full two weeks

 

what if cover letters were honest?

dear ms. shultz of the new york times company:

i'm writing to you mostly as a hail mary, partly because i'm drunk, and slightly because i haven't given up on my dreams. I saw the posting for a foreign policy editorial writer and decided that it might be fun to get my hopes up and daydream even if only for an hour or so.

if you look at my resume that i have attached, you'll find i have all the basic experience and requirements to fill the job. what you will not find is any awards or noteable accolades, signs that point to a life of privilege, or any indication that i am special or outstanding in any way. People say i have heart and am a determined person, but that's hard to show on paper sometimes.

What else can i ramble about? did i mention this is my dream job? have i pointed out that i wrote a cover letter to the times for an assignment in college? I got an A. Does that qualify me for an interview? Are we both wasting our time here or will you really look at my online portfolio full of writings that were put on the back burner by my internship supervisor. Should I mention that i come from a state whose biggest newspaper has only won two pulitzer prizes in 150 years? don't worry, they're getting a similar version of this letter.

I hope you read this to a coworker out of shock,
elway

 

8k

 

He’s never had that much hair

 

cc: @dadbolt @GrantCloud

 

just saw a girl on Tinder named Espresso

 

you gonna grind her

 

c u p s

 

well was she short and feisty

 

he said TInder not Grindr

 

grind her he hardly knows her

 

Hello.

 

how are all the roller skate girls