2 Dating 2 Relationships Thread II: The Squeakquel NSFW • Page 100

That is helpful to know, thank you. I agree with you. My gf was like "you know he's going to try and get back together still right" and I really didn't think so at the time but idk how he can't have thoughts like that, because he's hurting and pain isn't always rational.

 

He might not even think he's trying to get back together with you. But to stay in that relationship loop when there is no longer a relationship is unhealthy in itself. He needs time to just be alone and reflect and move on.

I'd also cut him off just because you're already in a new relationship. For your partners sake. But that's just my two cents, I know you didn't ask, haha.

 

I agree. I know at the end of this he'll be much happier with a partner that can truly fulfill him but he's gotta do that on his own. I have a savior complex so that's my problem and I always feel like I am abandoning people or can rescue them but this process is really teaching me to try and protect my own heart first.

I respect your opinion and thanks for saying it. It's probably not fair to her either, as understanding and new as we are.

 

I’m a big believer that couples who call it quits should immediately cut off all communication (assuming there’s no kids or mortgage involved) because what you’re experiencing is unavoidable if one person thinks that “the door is still open” on the other end.

I get being cordial or pleasant and I’m not saying to be rude, but as long as the communication streamline is there, this will likely keep happening and possibly get worse and at minimum just drag things out longer and longer.

Like @Mr. Serotonin said, I was on the shitty end 10+ years ago when my long-term GF broke up with me but she kept (and even encouraged) an open line of communication and things dragged on for over a year following our break-up and it sucked for me and looking back at it, wish we would have just stopped talking cold turkey (pardon the holiday pun) because it added so much more unnecessary drama and heartache that never needed to happen. Once I got over that, I adopted the ‘all talking stops once the relationship is over’ mindset

I know it’s hard - especially because it’s so fresh, but the sooner you set the boundaries or cut off communication, the better it’ll be for everyone.

 

I agree but at the same time I have a lot of empathy for the fact that it’s VERY fresh and they are untangling their lives together. Like once you have all your stuff back you absolutely should cut contact or at least minimize it by a lot. But as someone who went through something similar it’s really hard to unwrap your lives from each other in such a short period of time.
I think it’s kind and compassionate to try and allow him processing time @K0ta , but of course I don’t want it to be an issue of affecting you negatively (which it seems to be at this point). I don’t have the answer for you, I just also don’t think it’s unreasonable to take some time separating your lives officially

 

People oftentimes use the "I gotta get my stuff" or "we have the same friends" thing as a means to stay connected. Not good either.

 

Sure, I definitely don’t approve of the co-opting friends bit. But if you lived with someone and have things in storage together and acquired things together, as you do over the course of a long relationship, it makes sense, to me, to want to do that together.
that doesn’t mean it should be used as a continued excuse or that communication should continue for very long after that, just that I understand the initial untangling is a messy process that helps to have both people present for. It’s also like REAL closure (nothing says tangible like dividing up your things)

 

Yeah, I guess to me, that should be done and over with in a day or two if possible.

 

Honestly that’s so fast idk how that’s realistic when you have so much stuff to go through but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if you can do that then by all means lol

 

I guess I just don't have that much stuff. I think I rented a Uhaul and got everything in there in one load

 

Oh yeah I mean the actual packing can be done in a day or two. I thought you meant like within a day or two of the breakup happening lol. I was like that seems unrealistic when most people can’t just drop everything to do that for hours

 

Nice

 

lol all I meant was you can break contact, hit them up and give a time/day your gonna get your stuff and get it packed and out of there within a weekend and then you don't have to speak again

 

@K0ta he's on the spectrum right, so I get that socializing is hard for him but it's not your job
That's something I think about but I'm genuinely fine on my own so I think I wouldn't require too much emotional labor

 

cups

 

my gf and i aren’t doing thanksgiving together but she made a pie and put it in a vintage dish like my grandma collects for me to take to my lunch tomorrow

 

Gobble, gobble

 

i guess there is a major difference between meeting to sort through stuff and what Kota was mentioning, which was her ex expecting her to call her still, expecting her to stop over, expecting her to still do the holidays together and still communicating with her family and friends and keeping tabs on her via social media. Like, the relationship is over. All that stuff should stop and not be expected...imo.

The longer it’s tolerated or agreed to, the worse the situation will get.

 

No I agree definitely. I just guess having been there I can see both sides. I never told her to do or not do anything I just said I admire her kindness and compassion and being empathetic in this situation but mentioned that I don’t want her to do it at the cost of herself.

 

wow that’s cute Derek

 

I hear ya. I’ve been on both ends too and it sucks both ways. There’s no right or wrong answer here. Just personal preferences based off experiences.

 

What Kind of pie?

Are you gonna stop by my house on your way?