Mental Health Thread • Page 280

Partly that and partly "ambition", I think. She doesn't want to be the only one working and making money. I'm on disability until October so that makes my sitting around a lot more in-your-face.

Idk, I'm at a point in my life where I can finally figure out what I want to do with myself. But I like my job at Sprouts - all the social interactions are quick and relatively easy, the stakes are low, I get physical exercise. Her comments surprised me.

 

Yeah that's interesting. Maybe because I don't rly have that "ambition" myself. I would love to somehow be financially stable while working a low-stakes job. I have a high stakes job and it's stressful and is turning my hair gray and takes over my life and an assortment of other unpleasant things. There's nothing wrong about being content with the position you're in. I hope you are able to talk it out with her!

 

Sometimes when I'm driving I just want to keep driving towards the coast and start a new life

 

I have a childhood friend who I've drifted a bit from. She is a super extrovert and got rly into drinking and smoking and I never have been, plus I have an 8-5 job so our schedules became v opposite. We've been reconnecting a bit and it came to my attn that she had a DUI and now has a blow and go in her car. I've always been a "square" when it comes to drinking and partying and so idk if I'm overreacting but I'm upset that she did it and I'm upset that she still drinks. She's all pumped that I'll drink the occasional beer now and it seems like she's more eager to hang out with me now because of it. I feel like she has a problem now, but idk if it's anything I should call out or acknowledge. I won't like intervention her or anything, but I'm concerned that I'm perceiving she is struggling with something and self medicating to cope. Since we're not as close anymore idk what's going on in her life as specifically, but it makes me sad. Idk a lot of her friends now but they seem like enablers. But I also don't wanna come from a judgemental place like she needs me to "social work" her or anything, but I have a hard time grappling with the fact that she put other ppls lives in danger and seems to not be slowing down. Idk

 

drunk driving is one of the few things I'm just morally against, there's no excuse in this day and age, and it isn't being boring or a prude it's just as you say putting someone's life at risk

 

Yeah we don't have things like Uber or Lyft here, but there are still ways around it. Walk, have a DD, plan to stay the night somewhere, etc. I do feel for what she's been thru but once it comes to endangering lives like idk idk


On a good note, today was a nice day. Slept in, went to the gym and had a nice workout, watched Jane the Virgin, saw my nephew.... V low-key and nice.

 

A person I consider a fairly close friend randomly removed me and all our mutual friends from social media without saying a word and for no apparent reason and my feelings are incredibly hurt.

 

Remind me to stop looking at comment sections anywhere. I am incredibly proud of all the artists doing something great and contributing to Bans Off My Body. But, of course, anti-choice responses flood the comment section, and none of them realise how harmful their ideals are. Nor do any of them admit that they’re not really pro-life. Do they care about the children locked in detention centres? Or do refugee children — asylum seeking is legal and is only demonised by horrendously racist media, btw — not count? Will they adopt children in need? Or, will they call kids thugs when they steal food from a supermarket because they’re starving? What about the mother with multiple jobs, working to make ends meet and simply can’t afford to support another child? What about the mother with two kids, terrible pregnancies for them both and decides not to go through with that again? My sister and I were born premature. My mum struggled with preeclampsia, and after my sister was born, doctors told her she’d die if she gave birth again. She opted to tie her tubes and never have the decision of abortion on her hands. She made a choice for herself and our family. I bet anti-choicers would even hate that! Ugh, sorry, I’m just exhausted and can’t stand these people.

It’s not just happening in the US, but much closer to home. The New South Wales government is backpedaling on a bill to decriminalise abortion in the state. The anti-choice brigade have taken a cue from the incredibly hurtful “vote no” campaign of the same-sex plebiscite Australia held in 2017 by taking to skywriting — where the vote no campaign literally wrote that in the sky, the anti-choice crew plastering “choose life” all over the state. When I saw the “vote no” skywriting back in 2017, I was in class and had to leave and bawl in the bathroom. I wasn’t openly bisexual with my family back then. It killed me. Why can’t they just be honest? This isn’t about foetal lives, religion or left or right wing views. This is about restricting choice on bodies, but only those with uteruses. Maybe I’d have an inkling of respect for these people if they just admitted, “hey, I’m a misogynistic asshole and don’t believe people who can bear children should have the same choices as men!” Or, maybe not. I wish they’d shut the fuck up. I wish our bodies weren’t political games. Abortion needs to be legal, accessible and affordable.

I’m not a monster for having an abortion. I’ve never wanted children, nor does my boyfriend. I work a casual (often irregular) job, I’m at university, I’m only 23 and want to travel and live my life independently. Let’s not forget that numerous health issues run in my family. My circumstances haven’t changed. I’d do it again if I found out I was pregnant today, despite the inner turmoil it caused last time. It would be worse this time with our bodies constantly in the media! I refuse to bring an unwanted child into this world. I refuse to put them through corrupted adoption systems. I made the right choice for me, my boyfriend and what would’ve been, an unhappy child.

I didn’t know where else to talk about this. It’s way too hard in person, Twitter and Facebook are cesspools of hatred, and this has always been my safe space. If you’re pro-life and choose to respond to me, please do so with respect and I’ll do the same to you.

EDIT: I’ve been taking birth control pills for ages, we use protection, and I still fell pregnant. I don’t take sex or abortions lightly. But, becoming a mother would be a life-altering change that I do not want. I’m lucky I live in a state where I can make such a choice legally!

 

You're absolutely not a monster, and more people should have the fortitude to make the choice that's best for themselves AND for the entire human being they'd be bringing into a subpar life. The thing that drives me up the wall about the whole "oh just put it up for adoption" argument is that even in the BEST of cases, even when someone wants a baby more than anything, pregnancy is nine months of body trauma that changes a person forever. It's not just a failure of sex education, but of educating people who can get pregnant about their bodies and what will happen to them during this process.

Stay out of the comments. You're a strong, amazing person and you alone know what's best for your life. I'm proud of you!

 

BRB ugly loud singing to matchbox twenty in the car as I get out the angst

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin


Rob Thomas knows what it's like!!! He's has such an emotive voice. This post isn't just to fangirl I'm legit not doing well lol but their music is helping

 

Has anyone ever done an IOP or PHP program?

 

the same ppl who follow me and also share those 1-800 numbers for ppl feeling suicidal don't do a fucking thing when i'm straight up like "i'm really depressed and isolated and in pain." my roommates ignore me for the most part. i tried reaching out to them to plan a small apt get together for my partner's bday but they have ignored it. on top of that i am starting to feel like my partner isolates me/us. unless its someone he is interested in fucking, we don't hang out with other ppl. i can't really go out on my own since i am financially dependent on him due to being trapped in a coding bootcamp, which also feels isolating since i'm surrounded by cishet men all day who talk about nothing but sports and finance. i'm so tired of being called resilient as if i have no breaking point. my doc just put me on wellbutrin along with the zoloft i've been taking and idk it feels like its going nowhere. i hardly smoke weed anymore cuz i can't afford it and my partner doesn't care for it; he really only likes coke which i end up doing on occasion. i'm just so fucking tired *all the time*. i fall asleep at my desk almost everyday at 2-3pm. i'm alone, and i cannot shake the feeling of being disliked by everyone. ever since my birthday back in march, where no one i invited showed up, i've been spiraling.

sorry for the rant/wall of text. i needed to type shit and could prob use a nap.

 

The very toxic person that contributed to a lot of my mental issues may be moving back home. Why my dad is even allowing that idk. Living with this person was so bad I wanted to take my own life.

Not having anyone to talk about it really sucks. Seems to always happen to me. I never have anyone when I need it the most

 

I'm gonna put this behind a spoiler bc I'm like waxing philosophical about depression/suicide? Idk

at work the other day for a work-related topic ppl were trying to figure out if a suicidal attempt was impulsive behavior and it kind of got me thinking. Like suicidal thoughts stem from depression which is not impulsive, but I feel like the act of trying to commit suicide can be impulsive, depending. Idk. It was interesting hearing the perspective of ppl who presumably don't struggle with it. They kept saying "I don't impulsively wake up one morning just thinking I want to kill myself" which like... Must be nice lol. I think it depends on the person and situation whether it's impulsive or not, but I got me thinking about my own mental health. Some days I'm legit like "naw wouldn't wanna do it because my apt is a mess and I don't need my family wading thru my dirty chonies. I should do laundry first" and then I get distracted and kinda snap out of the mood which isn't impulsive, but then sometimes the sudden mood swings can feel v impulsive. Like I'll be fine and dandy one moment and then miserable and thinking about it the next. When ur brain thinks "ugh I want to die" like 100 times a day I can see impulsively going thru with it one of those times without necessarily planning for it. Idk. I guess all this rambling to say I wish there was a more nuanced view of depression/suicide since it doesn't just look like one thing. Espesh in my line of work where that's an important thing to know. I didn't contribute to the discussion because I didn't know how to talk about it without talking about my own experiences and I didn't wanna do that, but it just got me thinking and was kind of an inadvertently triggery convo

 

I feel like I’ve regressed so much mentally

 

Lmao okay so she told my boyfriend she did it because she felt a “weird vibe” from me the last time she saw me and decided it meant I secretly hate her. I literally had fucking food poisoning the last time I saw her and had to leave dinner early to go throw up a hundred times. I know it’s not my fault that people project their own issues on to me, but I can’t help but wonder what it is about me that I attract these black hole type of people who take and take from me and add nothing of value and aren’t good friends ever. Like I have literally done so much for this girl, been there for her through so much, and she dropped me because she made up a weird vibe once. What the hell.

 

Yeah, I totally get this.

I stay silent too whenever the subject of suicide comes up in any conversation. I don't know how to talk about it, because to me the thoughts are always there in the back of my mind, occasionally coming to the forefront at random moments throughout the day in relation to small things and big stressful stuff. For me to likely do it, it would have been with everything in my life coming to a head and me being completely done with everyhing to the point that it puts me past the one thing thats always held me back: putting my family through the pain. Too often i stand at the BART stops and contemplate what it would be like to just step off the platform when a train is coming.

you mentioning the leaving a clean place behind reminds me of a movie called Wristcutters where it starts off with him cleaning his apartment, making it spotless, and then killing himself. I dunno, just a random thought.

 

I think that's a great way to explain how it feels. For ppl who don't struggle with it I imagine they don't realize how exhausting it is to use coping skills and tools like 100x a day when those thoughts come up, sometimes triggered by something obvious and sometimes coming out of seemingly nowhere.

 

Posted this in chat thread too, but this was v relatable and interesting to watch. It's long but doesn't feel boring to me. Will Friedle talks a lot about his anxiety and panic attacks and how he had to restructure his entire life basically and how it impacted his career, and he's p insightful about how his money gave him that privilege to restructure his life. I didn't realize what a cool guy he is

 

When you posted it in the other thread, I immediately added it to my podcast queue to listen to. I always loved watching him in stuff growing up (Boy Meets World, HE double hockey sticks, and Kim Possible) and was already vaguely aware of his anxiety causing him to pivot to voice acting, i believe.

 

I hate being ugly. I have no friends. I hate being alone. Idk why i had to be born ugly. I can’t stand to look in the mirror or even at my body when I shower or dress. I’m so repulsed by the way I look. No one will ever love someone like me. It’s not possible. Why can’t I just get really sick and I can let myself die. I rather be dead than suffer thru life like this, and suffer alone. I don’t belong here. I don’t have a purpose. I’m just a waste of space.

 

Changed my bed sheet and pillowcases for the first time in an embarrassingly long time. Tiny victories, huh?

 

But a victory nonetheless!

 

I hope you're doing okay bb. I used to feel this way a lot, and often still do. I truly wish I had an answer for it. Some days I think I've improved my self esteem and it only takes like one unflattering pic of me or catching myself in bad lighting to have it all come tumbling down. Feels like every time I finally make peace with one "flaw" I find another to fixate on. I wish you well. It's easy to tell someone to be kind to themselves, but that's so difficult to actually do in practice

 

I feel this all the time (both the body image and feeling lonely) and you can hit me up if you ever want someone to talk to. No one should feel alone.

I pulled this off a couple weeks ago, now it's time for my towels haha.