The Parenting Thread • Page 81

Man a lot of this sounds like me 5 years ago. My son didn’t sleep or eat. And he actually would never let me put him to sleep or soothe him. This caused my wife to have a lot of resentment toward me. We always fought. Never any accusations of cheating but definitely talk of splitting. We both withdrew to our phones.

For the sleeping, the only thing I can say is it seems like you kind of know already what to do. You gotta set that routine and stick to it. Eventually it will catch on but in our case it took a very long time. But it sounds like your wife isn’t wanting to work with you on that at this point. The biggest thing is finding a way to get on the same page.

I am barely finding time for myself to this day. I never get to watch tv, I have to watch on my phone or iPad cuz my kid and wife have priority on that and we only have one tv. I used to be into playing video games but I rarely do that unless I’m playing a game for/with my son. So I play breath of the wild all day because that’s all he ever wants to do. I used to play guitar and be into photography and I’m starting to be able to mess around a little more. The biggest thing is trying to decide what I want to do with the little time I have. I work full time, need to sleep but sometimes I sacrifice that to be able to watch a show or go to the gym or just do anything. And then when I do have time I get paralyzed by choices and end up doing nothing.

All I can say is it can get better but both have to put in the work and make sacrifices. It took a lot of ups and downs, even as recent as about six months ago I wasn’t sure if our relationship was gonna last. But something snapped in her and she really started putting in the effort and I started doing the same. Currently my wife and I are probably in the best spot in our relationship since before we got married 6 years ago. Good luck.

 

Thank you for the response. I'm going to try and get her on the same page with getting him on a sleep schedule. I elaborated a little more on the relationship part in the relationships thread thinking maybe some people wouldn't see it in here. I did edit it though and wrote a bunch more out.

 

Is your son getting adequate sleep during the day too? When my kids miss a nap or nap later, they get overtired to the point where they won’t sleep at night. If he’s going to bed really late though, he probably just needs a consistent routine and bedtime. “Wee Baby Dreaming” is a blog that has some sample sleep schedules for kids of different ages that was really helpful for us when we were trying to establish a routine for our kids.

In terms of finding time to create, it’s really hard to fit the time in. I stay home with my kids, so sometimes i can tie up loose ends of projects while they’re napping or get ideas written down if they are playing, but that doesn’t always work out. The only time I have to work on things is after my partner gets home from work and when my kids go to sleep. I’ve found that scheduling in the time like how you would for an appointment or something is helpful. Even then though, I don’t spend long periods of time in my studio I like I used to. I’ve found that the number one factor in helping me find the time to work is having a supportive partner. (I promise that’s not a flex or anything, just that it would be virtually impossible for me to tend to my kids and have a relationship and pursue my craft if my husband wasn’t on board and encouraging).

Does your partner have anyone she can talk to? Whether it’s a friend or a relative or a therapist? I can only speak from my experience, but some of things you are describing about your partner are things I dealt with postpartum. My issues didn’t manifest as feeling sad or down (although feeling overwhelmed and alone where there) but as anger, and it happened months after after my first was born. I felt like I couldnt talk to my partner about it because I felt guilty for the feelings I was having, but then I also resented him for that. That coupled with just getting married created a perfect storm that was really hard our relationship. Even after we had talked through some things, the underlying issues and feelings were still there for a long time until we both ended up seeing a therapist and worked things out. I’m not sure if that’s what’s happening in your situation, but some things sound really similar. Do her friends think something is going on with her? Maybe they could encourage her to see someone also.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. The situation sounds really stressful for everyone involved.

 

I would definitely recommend a tight schedule, and stick with it. Have her put him to bed every night at 8, lights out, whatever the routine might be. Is she distracted with other things that makes you think she's not even trying? Kids are hard, man! One week they might to sleep without a fight, next week it's a nightmare. Just gotta stick with it.

Also, at that age, there was no time to work on your craft. If you can get your kid to nap during the day, or at night when he's sleeping, go for it, but honestly, when he was that young, I would nap/sleep when he did because it can be exhausting.

She really should go to therapy and figure out what she wants/needs. The longer this behaviors goes on, the more resentment will build up and that's just not good for your kid. Good luck.

 

My son gets a nap at the same time everyday. He wakes up between 7:30 and 8:00 every morning. He eats, plays, and has what I call learning time where he's only allowed to have toys that are learning toys. He takes a nap right after lunch which is at noon. So he goes down for a nap around 12:30 everyday. He may lay there for a bit but he's always out by 1:00. He naps for an hour usually. I'm going to check out Wee Baby Dreaming.

My lady doesn't really talk to anyone. She has resentment towards some siblings of hers for unknown reasons. She can't give me a reason anyway. She won't talk to a therapist. She's basically alienated all of her friends except for one that lives out of state, who is apparently moving back down here to Florida. This friend is a toxic person though. Anytime she's visits she tells my lady that I'm cheating, or she tries to critique my parenting. This person doesn't have children. She told me I needed to step up more and I laughed and said "are you kidding!? I literally do everything around here without any help. If I stop doing one thing it won't get done." I've brought up that she seems to be going through postpartum and she just gets angry and goes "or maybe you're just a sensitive dumbass." That's the kind of response I get. I don't think it's postpartum now though since our little guy is a year and a half old. I don't know though.

 

Vasectomy consultation tomorrow. No clue what to expect. Probably lots of pointing and laughing.

 

Please post how it goes. I plan on getting one in the fall.

 

I don't think they even looked at my junk during the consult. We talked about the procedure, what to expect during and after, and like three times he asks am I sure about during this? And that I talked about it with my partner because he doesn't want to see martial issues because of it.

 

My consultation was like 10-15 minutes. I sat in the doctor's actual office (like with his desk and computer - not a patient room) and we went over some basic stuff that you could quickly Google on you own then he walked me to the patient room, had me pull my unmentionables out and he showed me how he did it real quick. Then he gave me some paperwork to have my wife and I sign and then we scheduled the actual appointment.

@Kingjohn_654 and @LessThanTrevor, feel free to dig back into this thread to see my SPOILER TAGGED horror story experience from my vasectomy.

 

Ugh. So I'm going to have to show him my junk.

 

Unless you ask him to do the procedure blindly through your underwear.

 

Might as well just walk in naked

 

Is that an option?!

 

I'm not excited to show a wealthy older man my genitals just because he "went to school for it"

 

Just wait until he starts jerkin' you off!

 

I'm an idiot. This place doesn't take my insurance. Gotta find some other old guy to cut up my junk.

 

What if it's a woman?

 

Before I found a urologist to do my vasectomy I asked my general physician who she’d recommend and she told me a friend of hers who...performed a vasectomy on HIMSELF.

 

Did it work?

 

Never followed up. Didn’t go with her recommendation.

 

He probably would have just taught you how to do it yourself

 

It's like, you can pay a guy 20 bucks to fix your phone, or you can let him sell you the repair kit for ten.

 

I can't prefer a little old man?! This is America, buddy.

 

i’m kinda upset i didn’t get tagged for the vasectomy discussion

 

It's va sec ta me
Not va sec ta you