The Parenting Thread • Page 70

Parenting is definitely something else. I wouldn’t say I’m going through a depression right now but definitely a frustration with some resentment. My son is four now. But he still doesn’t really eat. So a lot of times he’s hungry and in a bad mood but man he just doesn’t like to eat. He’s also already at an age where he just knows how to push my buttons and is rebellious. At the same time my wife gets after me for not having patience and how I get after him sometimes. Yet I feel like she does the exact same thing and it’s ok for her to do but not me. All while also complaining that I don’t discipline enough or I’m not stern enough even though when I do those things she gets mad. So I feel like I can’t win either way.

 

It's a never ending struggle for sure. It's tough to find a balance not only with yourself but your significant other/co-parent as well.

I've learned since I've become a parent, I have zero patience with children but all the patience in the world for most adults. My wife is the exact opposite and I never knew. Such a crazy ever changing journey

 

Is it wrong that I feel super depressed during the holiday season because I’m not what I want to be for my daughter right now?

 

There is no right or wrong way to feel after becoming a parent. Literally every single person feels different and goes through different emotions and challenges. I know my wife and I had a hard time after our first was born, however at that time, we weren't married and she got pregnant after about 10 months of dating (we were living together for a few months by that time...but still) so everything moved very fast. Neither one of us ever really wanted to have kids, so it was a pretty big shock to the system. On top of that, she had a very complicated pregnancy - Hyperemesis (essentially severe morning sickness the entire 9 months) - to the point where she had to constantly go to the ER to get fluids time and time again during the entire pregnancy (each time, this was like a 6-7 hour process). We fought like never before during her pregnancy and out of all my close friends, we were the first to get pregnant/have a kid, so of course I felt left out because all my friends were still going out, socializing, partying, etc.

By the time our first was born, we had bought a house and moved in and everything was just super stressful. Like others, no sleep, overwhelmed, stressed out, etc. My wife and I felt we were constantly doing things wrong, we fought like crazy because we were just taking everything out on each other and we felt like we weren't being good parents. I also hated the newborn stage. Like, I felt disconnected emotionally to everything because I was always so angry, tired, stressed.

Again, I think these feelings are very normal. Having a kid is a complete life changer and people deal with everything differently. Now my son is 4, my wife and I have been married for three years, we have a second (and last) child and going through those trials and tribulations 4/5 years ago was probably the best thing to ever happen to us. It just takes time to settle in, get into a groove and start to feel comfortable with everything. The first year (for both children) is especially tough just because everything is new, chaotic, they obviously depend solely on you and they cannot tell you what is wrong or how they're feeling which just adds to the stress and frustrations.

 

This is a good thread

 

Lots of great responses. I also feel overwhelmed and anxious if I’ll be a good father now that my son is born. Good to see my thoughts aren’t too far fetched.

 

I honestly feel like i'm not great at being a dad until my kids are like 1.5 to 2 years old. Anyone else like that?

 

Absolutely. Not quite there with the littlest yet but it'll be here before I know it I expect

 

I’ve been MIA from here lately but I had an idea today that maybe lots of you have figured out already but in order to keep my Apple Music stats clean of my son’s music habits in the car, in 2019 I’m gonna use spotify’s Shuffle play for when he wants to listen to music in the car. This will keep polar express, Daniel tiger, namaste song, etc out of my end of year stats. Haha

 

I am getting married in 2019, and my cousin just asked me to be his son's Godfather. I feel like this next year will be a good time for me to find the important aspects of myself so I can be a good husband, Godfather, and closely down the line, Father.

It is crazy for me to write that out. Insane how this last half of my twenties has had so many big things go on.

 

Two kids is hard. Props to all those with multiple kids because it's a cluster fuck haha

 

First couple months was rough for sure! It'll get better in a few months

 

This is a mood. Just made the jump from one to two. The first time around I remember thinking, "why does everyone complain about parenting? We're nailing this!" Now, not so much...

 

I wish my first kid was that easy

 

All I wanna do at this one-year-old‘s birthday party is see which dad wants to jump over this tiny fence with me. There are no dads that want to jump over the fence....

 

My wife has been having a really hard time with our 2 month old. He’s having a little bit of sleep regression, and it’s veryyy hard on her at night. Sucks.

 

For a while his sleep patterns were p consistent. Now he’s been waking up every 2-3 hours

 

Probably a growth spurt and just normal growing pains

 

That’s what we read. Possible growth spurt

 

You'll get through it! First 3 months are the roughest, once you're through that everything gets much better! You got this!

 

@spiffa0 how are things with you?

 

It really depends on the day lol. My challenge right now is that I see everything to do with the baby as work. I go to work, come home and do more work. Weekends are no longer a break, but more work. When you become a parent you have to become much less selfish and I'm struggling with that. I've been able to handle crying episodes much better and I don't get as angry. Though I can really only be alone for 4-5 hours max with him before I need a break. And sleeping is still rough. He'll only sleep 2-3 hours at a time, and it's definitely having an effect on my mood.

I think I'll be more equipped when he's older. I just cannot empathize with a baby. They aren't that interesting to me. When he can do things and has a personality and has real problems, I think I'll be much more engaged.

 

How is he/she now, I don't remember?

I want you to know that most of what you're saying, I felt as well for about the first 1-1.5 years. It does get better, I promise, like you said one they start walking, talking and having more of a personality is when things really start to click, at least for me.


You're absolutely right about selfishness, I didn't get to that point until about when my son turned 2, so don't feel bad. Don't be down on yourself for feeling this way, you have just as much of a right to have feelings as anybody, sometimes it's harder for us as parents to adjust our priorities and kinda just "get over ourselves" for lack of a better term.

I'm willing to bet many parents in here have had/are having the same feelings as you.

Don't ever hesitate to reach out if needed, parenting is a massive learning process and is incredibly fucking difficult. You got this!

 

Yeah I’ve felt all those things described.

 

So it turns out my wife, and I weren’t cleaning underneath his penis’ foreskin enough. The other night we gave him a bath, and found out his shaft was sticking to his forsekin! It was all red, and hurt him really bad when we adjusted it. Good news now his he’s been sleeping way better these past two nights. He slept for five hours straight Sat night, and last night he slept six hours straight! I feel really bad tho for not catching that sooner. He was obviously very uncomfortable.