Mental Health Thread • Page 252

I’m so sorry, @PeacefulOrca. Her actions do not reflect on you at all - please remember that. Reach out to me any time

 

I bet a million trillion dollars that they don't actually have an open marriage. Just sayin. But like other people have said, none of this is a reflection on you. It's all her, and it ain't a good look. Hang in there, friend.

 

It’s been a month and sleeping alone still means waking up every other hour and tossing and turning through the night.
It sucks to try so hard to get your mind under control and then your body’s just like lol I had other ideas anyway~

I just feel so defeated like how long until this gets better

 

Every day when I wake up it's like ... this is it? This is life? Just this every day until I die? It's disappointing. I need to get it together and make some changes but I miss being younger when yeah it was super scary and overwhelming and filled with pressure to think about the future but it felt vast and open. It feels so determined now, or at least narrowed down. Every year I get older it feels like another year wasted or another year towards a life I'm not content with and I feel more aware than ever how every year I continue I feel more trapped or locked down.

 

I had an appointment today with my therapist for the first time in six months. I always get really anxious the day of my appointments and try to persuade myself that I'm fine and can figure things out without help, but then I always feel better afterwards and I need to remember this feeling.

 

Feeling like an absolute and useless fool. I've just wanted to cry for most of the day. Directionless, feel like a burden to my friends and especially my parents. I hate my job and who I am and I'm going broke and can't afford to live in my apartment. I've always told myself I'll get better and figure things out, but I never do. I never work for anything and I never have and now I feel as though I'm completely incapable of doing so.

I want to be someone else.

 

Old unhealthy actions from old unhealthy me are resurfacing now and fucking things up for newer, much healthier me and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

I used to lie a lot about my alcohol and weed consumption. I don't anymore, but that doesn't undo the previous lies.

 

3 months at my job and I've been asked to become a lead staff. I think I might do it. More pay. Basically the same thing I do, but I make sure people are also doing their job (and I know some people already don't because I have to pick up their slack), and document (which some people don't and I kinda what to tell them to just do it)

One hard part is a friend I made at work has been really lazy for the past month or so and it's getting irritating. I'm constantly picking up her slack, she complains how she doesn't want to help a certain person because "they don't like her", or "they yell at her", and I've been yelled at too by the same persons and so has others and it just comes off as she rather have me get yelled at than her. Especially if that person is not on my assignment and she avoids going to them. She will also literally avoid going to someone saying "they can wait" because she thinks they're impatient which isn't really true for most people, so I end up helping them. I can go on other ways she avoids doing her job and how I have to pick up her slack.

 

I woke up way too early and checked Instagram to see that my abusive ex who I haven’t spoken to in 6 years liked my latest picture on Instagram. I was Not prepared for how much that would instantly scare the shit out of me and send me into a total panic. Luckily my best friend happened to be awake and talked me down a bit but Jesus fucking Christ. Why now? I feel so violated and unsafe and gross knowing he was going through my feed and looking at my life.

 

@personalmaps you should block him

 

I did! I took a minute to freak out, blocked him, set my stuff to private, and then did a deep breathing exercise. I’m drinking some CBD tea now too so I’m definitely feeling calmer. It was just such a punch in the gut.

 

I am so sorry that happened. I had a similar thing happen a few months back where my abusive ex of like 6 years ago friend requested my little sister on Facebook and I felt similarly and also furious and protective of my sister. It feels like the least people like that can do is leave you alone and it says a lot about them that they can't even do that. Glad you're calmer now and seem to have a good support system!

 

Ugh I’m sorry Kayla. I’m glad he’s blocked now and hopefully will just freaking go away forever

 

Thank you both- I just had to kind of accept that I can only limit what people can see from now on and not think about it too much. Idk. I’ve been putting myself Very Online for years and hardly ever thought about it but now I just feel skeeved and hope he never listens to my podcasts or looks at my siblings’/boyfriend’s socials either.

 

@personalmaps @Kiana I've had to deal with this indirectly with my girlfriend's ex husband (she was going through a divorce) and man, it's eye opening, as I've been fortunate enough to never be in an abusive relationship. I'm so sorry both of you had to go through that, I've seen how much just something like a simple friend request or 'like' on a social media post can hold a tidal wave of impact. Stay strong, y'all.

 

i feel like i’ve been on the outskirts of every friend group i’ve ever had since high school. like i’m never one of the closest with anyone or included with any consistency. i don’t really get it, either. i’m considerate as fuck, often host or generally facilitate plans, and don’t flake. i’m also very gd fun tyvm. the thought of something like who i’m going to ask to be my best man one day is daunting/saddening because i prob wouldn’t make the top three candidates of anyone i would ask when it came time for them to do the same. my best friend lives in Long Island and i’m gonna spend a few days out there this weekend but it’s hard to hang with him with any consistency. love that guy to death though and i know he values me very highly

idk it’s not a big deal 99% of the time but it’s like im 28 and opportunities to make new friends don’t come along every day at this point. i don’t wanna see my social life dwindle into nothingness just yet.

 

I'll volunteer as best man if you need someone GREAT to step up to the plate and hit a GRAND SLAM for ya.

 

just remember not to call me Shrek

 

Okay, uh... uh... uh... uh... Shrekkkkkkkkkkkkinator

 

if we can't call you shrek then you have to be called donkey, I enforce the rules sorry

 

you're not spending time with me this weekend

you'll find a best man

 

Dibs on being Cam's best man

 

I feel this. I have people I would ask to be in my wedding party and my brother would be my best man. If I didn’t have a brother though I’m not sure what I’d do. I don’t think of myself having a best friend, so to speak. A lot of close friends and whatnot but not that one BEST FRIEND y’know? And my girlfriend has like 3 she considers her best friends and she wouldn’t know who to choose and I can’t relate to that at all.

“Do you Melissa take electro haikus to be your wedded husband? To have and to hold and to love even through all of his shitposting which undoubtedly is causing loss of brain cells?”

“Holy shit this guy posts on message boards?! No thanks.”

 

2 late

 

I haven't been doing so good lately. That is an understatement tbh, and it's so frustrating bc it was not long ago at all that I felt like I was doing really good and on the right track. In all fairness, that last part may still be true, self improvement isn't easy, it's far more than bath bombs and taking me time. It's also not a straight line.

I recently realized that the last therapist I saw for a couple of years was a psychiatrist, he just also did/does therapy. I called him "Dr. Duncan" and I really should have put that together, point being he thought maybe I had Bipolar Type II and not like a therapist doesn't know what's up or their opinion is irrelevant, but that makes me consider it way more. Idk if I've ever had a full blown manic episode, maybe I have maybe I haven't but everything else about it sounds right.

I'm just at this point where I literally don't have any friends that live around me, they're people who for sure would be down to hang but I don't have a car so until then it's a no go. I should be getting one soon, February at the latest but if that doesn't come through I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I feel so unloved, I feel so lonely and for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I feel like my days are numbered. I won't let my mom bury me, I absolutely could not do that to her, but it doesn't feel so good when that is exactly what I want.