Mental Health Thread • Page 3

I cannot stop thinking about suicide this afternoon. I don't think I'd actually do it but the thoughts of it keep plaguing my mind and making me bawl and making me so desperate to feel okay. I don't want to get help. I don't want to be forced to talk to anyone or have to take pills I know I can't handle responsibly. I just want to be okay/"normal" already and I really wish I knew how.

 

idk if i know enough abotu your situation to comfort you more but this is a reminder that you are loved!

 

I hate that you feel that way. We would really miss you, Dustin. PM me if you need to.

 

You're not alone.

 

I know the feeling. I wish all the time that I could give up or start over. I know I'm safe because I would never leave my daughter, but some days are so hard

 

Basically a haha duhhh:

Drinking makes me super depressed no matter how much it is. Seriously hate myself for even partaking.

 

I know this feel. If you ever wanna talk please hit me up. I love you dude and I'm here for you whenever you need it

 

Thanks y'all, I know I probably sound apathetic at the moment but I really appreciate it more than anyone will ever know. I'll be more in touch later, trying to distract myself in the studio at the moment but I definitely need to vent hahaha.

 

I gave in and took my medication which makes me feel very weak but it's helping

 

Fuck yeah bro channel that into your art

 

This is how my best friend feels when he takes his anxiety medication. He hates having to take it, but the fear of so much more is worse for him. I'll tell you what I always tell him: "Finding what helps isn't weak, it's smart. And strong, because you're acting for the good of yourself when even yourself is against you. There is nothing weak about that."

 

what meds are you on if you don't mind sharing that?

 

Agreed with how you view it one hundred percent. I get why it feels like defeat when you turn to medicine, but there's nothing wrong or shameful about doing what you need to do to be healthy. I use weed to handle my depression and it works for me most of the time and while its kind of like maybe I shouldn't be leaning on weed to help me get through the day, the reality is that a ton of people use whatever they have to use to maintain, and I know first hand that turning to something stronger (I've done almost any recreational drug you can name) it sends me down a much worse road. Like I said earlier in the thread, I should probably buck up and go see a professional, but as it is I'm able to get by with smoking weed every day. It's totally fine with me.

 

I've had a lot of people tell me to go see a professional. I'd rather just lean into my friends. It's pushed a lot of people away, but the ones who stayed are so precious to me. A few certain musical artists and a few certain friends have been my medicine. But part of me wonders if this form of "managing" my depression is hurting me when maybe seeing a professional could get me to a better place. I just have a lot of trust issues and the idea of spilling my guts to a stranger terrifies me as equally as spilling my guts to anyone outside of my admittedly small circle.

 

it's not one-size-fits-all, but the important thing is that you're safe day-to-day, i think. if you don't want to go to a professional and you feel like you're managing your depression then you don't have to - they're not gonna be able to make it go away; they'll advise you on how to manage it. it's possible your depression will change and you'll one day find that management doesn't work anymore, or you might just be able to keep it at bay with your friends and music for the rest of your time with it. as long as your friends aren't overwhelmed by it and you're not hurting yourself, drinking excessively, doing drugs, etc, as a form of medicine, then i don't think it's harmful to keep with what works, you know? if you feel like your quality of life is significantly lower than you want it to be, or if you fall into (or are currently doing) unhealthy things like drugs, drinking, self harm, etc to cope, then i would definitely recommend seeing someone professional. but if it's under control then it's possible you're in an okay place right now, as long as you're able to identify if you think you start really unhealthy behavior, if that makes sense.

 

It makes total sense. And I definitely have caught myself slipping into some bad drinking habits before and had to pull way back.

 

yeah when you become a danger to yourself that's when i think - especially if you have the clarity of mind to be able to identify it but not to quit - it's important to reach out to someone professional because that's often beyond what friends can support. but if you feel like you have the drinking back under control then it might not be necessary or helpful.

 

Once I finally stopped running from it and self medicating, My quality of life has skyrocketed.

 

update: i don't have to take that public speaking class. after emailing the disability services counselor about how freaked out this class is making me, she dropped me from it and is looking into a substitute course for me to take next quarter instead.

 

YAY! I bet you're so happy.

 

i really am!

 

I knew coming into this thread was not a good idea. Please don't do anything like this.

None of us are "Normal" sweetie. And the pills aren't so bad. They have helped me a lot.

 

The only thing that really makes me upset is seeing other ladies who are pregnant. Oh and this past weekend there was a pregnant girl who was at least 5 months along drinking and smoking at the bar during the parade. I hate her. I wanted to punch her in the face and tell her I would gladly trade places with her, because she clearly didn't care about that human inside of her. Poor baby consumed by toxic fumes and booze. God I hate people.

 

i need somebody to hold me. i was just wrecked by a circuits exam and a molecular transport exam in quick succession

 

Apparently some people on the autism spectrum have symptoms of ADHD and can be helped by ADHD medications, and I'm one of those people. As soon as I got home from school for spring break, my doctor prescribed 20 mg of Vyvanse to try. I tried doing some test work, reading some of my mom's old accounting books and writing a "report", and I could immediately notice I was focusing SO much better and was able to immediately get a lot done and not get distracted or lose interest. For me, it felt like normal.

The only problem was that even 20 mg in the morning was enough to give me insomnia the following night. I felt tired, but just could not fall asleep. Apparently extended release drugs like Vyvanse really affect me. I'm not sure if a lower dosage would help, but for now I'm trying 10 mg of Adderall short release tomorrow to see if that gives me a focus boost without the prolonged affects leading to insomnia. Wish me luck.