Mental Health Thread • Page 208

Wow are you me
You are me

 

Wow ok I literally just did it again today wtf. I feel like such a jerk now too idk what is wrong with me. I'm going to feel like a jerk and hate myself for like a month. And then I feel too ashamed to apologize which makes me like a jerk and a coward.

 

I don’t even know where to start... my depression is up and down. Some days good, some days bad. On top of that I’m at a point where I feel like I’m getting more insecure. I’ve gotten to the point of my relationship with my bf where he wants to see me naked in the light (well it’s been like this for a while). I don’t like being looked at. Which means when we have sex it has to be dark. I don’t like to even look at myself. He doesn’t understand that. He says it he’s not going to care what I look like and not going to run away. He doesn’t understand how hard it is for me. He also doesn’t understand why I hate the way I look. He thinks he can change my mind about my opinion of myself and I told him it’s not going to happen (because it’s not) I’m not going to ever see myself as attractive. I don’t think he’ll ever understand why it’s not going to happen. I’ve never liked the way I look and always been depressed over it because i can’t change it. It’s to the point where I don’t like going out in public. It’s never always been this way. It’s gotten worse as I got older and more aware. Some times I just don’t know what to do

 

I don't understand referrals. I'm about 1 explanatory phone call away from repeatedly blurting" I do not have a penis. I need a penis. This man makes penises. Let me have a consult with him so he can make me a penis" because this shit is so awkward.

 

Feeling some very intense depression today after not being able to sleep last night and then thinking about a lot of things/people I shouldn’t have been thinking about. I went into work and there was an extra person there so I asked to leave and I have to go back in for the last two hours of my shift. Honestly just trying to push through it and not get emotional at work (I say as I’m tearing up lmao)

 

My internship abruptly ended today. Based on the awkward interjections from my boss (in front of the HR lady), it was HR saying GTFO, but who knows. The original deal was three months but even after the shitty conversation my boss and I had, I was under the impression that I'd be able to keep interning...lol nope. So, surprise it was my last day and I got to say goodbye to no one woo!

edit: I hate when I have no confidence in my abilities.

edit 2: If I didn't hate my dad I'd ask him if he wants my help this summer (he always needs extra hands during the busy season). <----i need to address that in therapy lol christ

 

What the fuck. Well that blows! So unprofessionally handled. Sorry. :(

 

Ugh I’m so sorry love!!

 

I guess this goes here.

Lately I’ve been having such a difficult time winding down after coming home.

Just so unsettled and a little anxious. Maybe it’s living in a new place. I dunno.

 

I get that feeling!

 

ahhh fuck.

sorry to hear.

 

My mood has been stable/good for 2+ weeks but I have no motivation to write essays I need to write, finish a blog post I actually want to write, and my room is just getting messier. Idk how to kick that lack of drive

 

Need some advice/thoughts on meditation?

Any of you guys do it? Do you find it beneficial? Apps or YouTube channels to help me out?

Reason I'm asking is because I find my negative thoughts (future stresses, friendship issues, etc.) are always at the forefront of my mind, and I feel as though I've lost control of where my mind goes, and it causes me to procrastinate and not be positive.

I've heard regular meditation will change all that.

 

I really need more friends in LA than just my girlfriend and a very small handful of people. It's starting to bum me out and I start thinking of all the friends I left behind in England and that makes me sad and puts me into a dark mood when I'm home alone that I find it hard to just sit and play playstation or watch a movie without feeling overwhelming sadness.

 

Yeah I do - very beneficial impo. 'Headspace' is the only app I use but it is brilliant and offers me everything I need. Plus it is guided meditation rather than unguided, so you have someone guiding you through the whole process which gives you something to focus on and your mind less chance to wander! Currently using a specific 30-day pack for stress, already done a 30-day one for self-esteem and the basic 30-day beginners one alongside about 10-15 different meditation 'singles' I use whenever needed. Would recommend it to anyone!

 

Thinking of all of you today.

 

I almost cancelled my therapy appointment for today but I'm so glad I didn't

 

stayed in bed until 330, not great. i don't like blasting my relationship problems on here but yesterday she told me she doesn't "know if we are that compatible" anymore. i don't know what to do with that right now, and the one thing i really liked doing these days got taken from me without warning yesterday too. so i kinda just want to go back to bed for a couple days.

 

this post + your avatar/image whateverthefuckitscalled makes this a terribly disturbing 2-for-1 just so you know.

 

Gave some person the wrong directions to the warriors game. Like what I kind of told him (in my clearly looking unsure the whole time way) will get him there, eventually. Spent my commute home feeling like an idiot. Hopefully he double checked with his phone and found the right way to get to the game. I mean sure I’ve only really been here 2 weeks but fuck I felt like an ass.

Kind of in line with how I felt the whole day really. Very much a bad thought/ideation day. Not good. Not good.

 

I've done that with subway directions and felt so badly, I try to avoid having to give people directions and stuff too much pressure

 

Pretty much! I told him he’d have to switch trains and that was right if he took my shitty directions. He didn’t get on with me so I’m hoping he realized he asked a fool. I’m not great with directions in general. Not sure why he asked me. Like a million others there he could have asked. :/

 

Ugh really sorry to hear this. I went through losing a job and a relationship already this year so seeing it potentially happen to someone else stings. Hope things improve with her and you're able to find a job pretty quickly. Feel free to reach out

 

So sorry to hear this.