Mental Health Thread • Page 2

I definitely do appreciate their support, and I'm trying to keep it in mind. It's kinda hard though, with the nature of playing shows and being around strangers and being consistently misgendered by them. Plus a lot of the dysphoria I've been feeling hasn't even been socially-driven, that's just been a moderate annoyance/reminder if anything. It's mostly body image stuff, a lot of it being reproductive-related, tbh. Idk, I hope this doesn't come off dismissive at all, I genuinely appreciate the reply and simply talking about it helps at least a little bit.

 

no no it doesn't come off as dismissive at all. That makes sense. I don't really know best how to handle reproductive-related dysphoria since it's not something I really deal with myself, so I'm sorry I don't really have any advice there :(. Just know you can text me whenever, okay?

 

Yeah, it doesn't happen to me super often, but it's the absolute worst when it does. Super debilitating. I really appreciate you being there and willing to talk with me. Thank you.

 

I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to hold down a job or a relationship or anything at this rate. I can't handle my job anymore, the insults and ridiculous expectations coupled with the lack of training and the general tendency to set me up for failure has me feeling drained with nothing to show for it. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and I can't handle dealing with the stress of indecisiveness in addition to the normal stresses of living. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to do this. I'm literally my own worst enemy. I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive or if I'm justified but either way I'm losing this battle. I'm so paranoid that people are out to get me and I just can't deal with all this medication that's doing nothing but making me feel even crazier.

 

I think my relationship with my mother is at a breaking point. She suffers from depression as well and didn't figure it out until a few years ago, so it made some of my early teenage years especially hard with her.

Anyways, her and my sister came out to the west coast to visit me for a week. She's become very overbearing and overwhelming in the past couple years. And it has been something that I've basically let slide for a long time. Then this weekend I was basically at my breaking point an kind of exploded at her. In recent years, my mental health issues have made me fly off the handle a lot easier, which is similar to how my mother dealt with us before she got herself under control. Despite the fact that I've explained to her the way I was is largely triggered by my mental health (and reminded her that she dealt the same way) she doesn't seem to accept it and thinks I'm attacking her and blaming her for "failing me as a parent."

I really don't know where to go from there because she's made herself this bubble where the world revolves around her and no one ever loses their cool with her. She has always acted supportive towards me but the first time she's seen the effect of my mental state I feel like I've been turned on. I've tried to reason with her multiple times in the last couple days but she still keeps playing it in a "poor me (as in poor her)" way instead of listening to my side. She's also not accepting that I want to deal with this my way at my pace, just as she did, instead of following the exact steps she's taken. She even called up one of her friends to call me and basically plead to me to move home and enter this free program, telling me I will never been happy without it. And my mother denies sending her friend to call me, despite the fact that she would have no other reason so because it's not a friend of hers I associate with and the only way she could have my number is through my mother.

Idk if this is incoherent rambling but I needed a space to spew it out and maybe see if anyone has dealt similarly or maybe has any advice to offer.

 

I know your feeling with the job. I've basically decided that I am going to take some personal time and figure out what I really want to do. This all really sounds like what I've been dealing with lately. All I can really say is the keep your chin up. Work sucks, so make extra effort to have your time not at work mean more. It may be hard at first but you just need to put yourself out there and find little things to make you happy.

 

@brandon_260 You, @Kiana, and I need somewhere to go to eat junk food and complain/cry about our mothers. I'm dead serious lol We'd benefit so much from it.

My sister gave me a pretty serious compliment yesterday about how confident I have been lately (my sister is the most confident person I've ever met so that meant a lot to me) and that I look really healthy and happy compared to my norm lol My dad and sister went somewhere and my mom and I were by ourselves and my mom asked me if I was having a manic episode bc I was acting weird. I told her no and apologized for being happy for once and being excited to see my sister. End scene.

We get back to their house and I'm sitting in their living room talking to my dad and she comes and sits on the couch across from me and says don't get mad but have you been taking too much medicine or drinking? I said no and of course she doesn't believe me. My dad says you can't be serious asking her that? I can tell just by talking to her over the phone when she's done something like that or is having an episode and you're just being mean to her for no reason. (my dad and I have a really special bond and she can't stand it.)

I might be out of line but we were group texting and my mom was saying some really nasty things to me and for me I take it a lot harder when it's written down bc I'll obsessively re-read the texts. I called her and told her I didn't want to talk to her anymore and that she can get in contact with my dad or sister and they'll relay the message. Of course she's blowing up my phone and calling me disrespectful.

There is only so much emotional abuse you can take and I've been taking it since the day I was born. So fuck it. I'm moving on and she can either get with the program or peace out. I'm not taking it anymore.

 

I developed a pretty harsh social anxiety in Afghanistan. Being in rooms with large amounts of people worries me a bit. I also have really bad problems with human contact. There wasn't anything that happened to make me feel that way about anything. I think maybe I distanced myself to much from the people around me.

 

Everyone I've known that has come back from Afghanistan or Iraq has developed some form of anxiety. My sisters ex had PTSD and that's one of the scariest things I've ever seen. He couldn't sleep at night either. It's really sad how our vets are treated like complete shit when y'all come back.

 

I don't know how long ago he was there, but things have changed A LOT. People can easily get the help they need, as long as they do it while they are in. The problem is that it doesn't just happen right away. A lot of people don't see the signs for years, and can't get help because of that. Help is progressing in the right direction.

 

He came back shortly after Bin Laden was killed. He did night raids or something like that and his team went door to door looking for him and stuff. He was very in the thick of it and 3 of their people died and he didn't really talk too much about it.

 

yeah much like how politicians yell "we need to talk about mental health!" after a mass shooting, they absolutely don't give a shit about meaningful protection for vets and other at-risk groups re mental health because as long as someone's funding in the budget gets cut, it might as well be a group who's already stigmatized :/

 

Subbing. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I'm still trying to learn how to open up about how it affects me. I try often but it feels hard to "get it right", if that makes sense at all.

Always down to help with anything as well. Broke my heart reading all these stories but also made me proud of how strong y'all are.

 

So I've interacted in this thread, but not really said much about me. I'm not exactly in the place to discuss older issues, but something new has been happening this year. My dream, since about 8th grade, has been to be a writer. About two years ago, I finished the manuscript of my first novel. Fastforward to now, and I'm in a pretty extensive re-write process of it due to intensive editorial comments (with which I agree) from someone in the industry.

However, about three weeks ago, I went to open the Word document to keep working on it, I had a massive anxiety attack. Every day I try to go back, I have another one. I'm battling anxiety for my dream and I'm just having a hard time trying to figure out why it's all changed.

 

I'm amazed at how big of a difference leaving my toxic job has made for me. My (lack of) self-esteem and confidence have nowhere to go but up now.

 

Hoping for this after the next month.

 

New job?

 

im apprehensive about going to a professional for many reasons. but it could be benifical just to know what's wrong with me. ive felt like ive had SOMETHING going on since my late teen years...whether its been anxiety, depression or both, ive struggled time and time again without ever really considering getting help for it. maybe its because i usually always find my own ways to cope that usually work and get me through rough times. but for the last however many years the "rough times" have never really ended. and my attempt to self medicate blew up in my face and almost ruined my life. idk. im just ranting. still cant see myself buckling down and seeing someone professional about my problems any time soon, but im more open to it now than i have ever been. i just dont feel like the timing is right. well i guess i could come up with a thousand excuses not to....when really maybe i just should. idk. i know everyones gonna say either it helped them or it didnt help them or i should go or i should do what i want....im just ranting and venting right now really

 

do it do it! self-medicating almost inevitably, at least in the experiences of those around me and myself, puts you further in a rut and is a sign that you really want to improve, you just don't know how. even if it's just once, you'll have a chance to be open to someone unbiased and who might have some more info or perspective on your thought patterns. it's a big step but if you can find the right counselor for you i've never heard anyone complain about it once it clicked

 

i will when im ready for sure. i just dk if im ready

 

I agree with Spencer to an extent. He's right that once it clicks there are no regrets, but that feels easy to say. I think you're right to wait until you feel ready. The sad thing about it all is that the world doesn't stop around you when you start going, and the emotional catharsis that happens can be amazing but having to go right back to work/class/anything right after is such a difficult thing haha. And idk, I'm just ranting/venting too but ugh I can't stand having this huge emotional moment where it feels so genuine getting it all out, then hearing him say time is up and he all of a sudden flips a switch in his brain and then I feel like I don't know who I opened up to. Is that just me who feels that way? Because it drives me insane.

 

Just leaving this one because I'm moving. Taking some personal time too.

 

That's exactly what I did. If you're able to do it, it's great. Necessary, even. Gives you a clean slate for your next endeavor.

 

I definitely agree, haha. Brain dead me certainly didn't want to imply that it's easy, or natural, or even eventually "going to work." it's very much a process, in my case of rewiring twenty years of external and internal shame, fear, loathing, anxiety, etc, and some days it even feels like I'd rather just stick to the devil I know. It's swings and roundabouts, and I'm certain plenty of people have more internal conflict, fear, inertia, and so on. So @Jake Jenkins I really hope I didn't come off as sounding like I think your next step is obvious or easy! Def don't mean that. What you do next IS your call, and you should wait until you think you know what you want to do. But, to echo what Dustin said, it is important to remember that life goes on around you. That's something I've struggled with this term - some times I'm panicking before a test and it's like I have a choice - I can keep panicking and trying to study, or I can stop trying to study and take a moment to breathe and work through my anxiety. And I wish I could just have my class and GPA and school and the whole world stop because then I could actually get my life together... But that's not an option so sometimes I just have to jump in and make due with what I've got. So do start when you feel ready, for sure, just also try to recognize that sometimes... There's no way to be totally ready? Not that I'm accusing you of that, it's a personal boundary for everyone that they have to figure out.

but there are people out there who care about you and who want to help you get better however they can. this thread is a good place to find em if you need to talk to someone!! we all care a lot about you! if i can speak for everyone haha.

 

I know this feeling. I started a new job last summer and I felt completely lost, and my boss had high expectations. I leaned on one of my coworkers and just tried to ride it out until I could learn more. It has improved a bit but it is still very stressful.

This is great advice. Take advantage of the time that you have, especially the time outside of work.

I wish everyone could do that and find something more fulfilling. It was awesome that you were able to and I wish you the best of luck with your next venture.

I feel similarly. I have been thinking about therapy just to clear out some of the negativity from my job, family stress, and just generally not enjoying my life as much as I could. I feel like I need better coping skills, thankfully I have avoided self-medicating but I have been very moody and depressed and I hate feeling that way which just makes me feel worse. I think therapy could help.

I wish you lots of luck with getting to the point that you are ready for it and when you go that it is successful for you.

I am glad for this thread. It is good to see so many people sharing and helping each other. Live is short and none of us have lived before, so anything we can do to make it easier/better is great.