Mental Health Thread • Page 175

Last few weeks been an interesting ride. Not so many highs - perhaps "Pretty nice"-s lol, lots of lows, but also admittedly some anchors stuck in to hold on too. So while I'm not *scott stapp voice* 6 feet from the edge and i'm thinkin... I have these moments where it's totally exhausting and defeating how life is.

This month (the 5th to be exact) would mark 7 years with my now ex, we still talk but its from a distance and I don't even know where she's staying atm, and I think she's lying to me about how shes doing it.... cus while yes we're exes theres still openness about love still there... life and personal needed growth just gets in the way..
I addressed my court issues, I got my car fixed, I even have made some new friends - one being a love interest (well she's been a friend, but more acquaintance level until the last 2 months its exploded communication/presence wise) I spoke to before but I'm in the wait her out zone atm lol. So that's good, positives.
But literally the day AFTER addressing my court shit (and basically just being told be a good boy and you won't need to worry about this again), my brother gets popped for his 4th drug charge, his second in 3 months... the last 2 being a big step up (hardcore drug wise) to say the least from his first 2 (weed, which is really nothing). So now there is concern over him being away for awhile.

All this makes it so hard to keep my head level, I can't do these mental and emotional highs and lows, especially so quickly after one another.

 

Everything is catching up to me. Bad sleeping troubles, never having enough time with my boyfriend no matter how hard we try, conflict and anxiety at home, and I'm so close but so far from being happy

 

Me too:( I totally relate.

 

I am watching ER and Susan made this speech about how she always does what others say and how work isn't enough to fulfill her cause what are we even doing thats meaningful with the time we have and I'm like smh stop being accurate to my life rn cause it just makes me feel worse lol

 

Aaaaand I just looked up jobs and one sounds kinda perfect but idk if I could leave in the middle of a school year. It's silly but I'd feel so guilty for the kids who i love soooo much but it's also a good opportunity and makes more money and idk if anything like it would be available if I waited until spring. Logically I should but ugh the kids!!! I love them!!!!!

 

At least apply! You don't need to make a decision until a little further down the road. While it's understandable to not want to leave in the middle of the school year, you need to take care of yourself first and I've read your frustrations about your job on the whole, so at least just apply and go from there!. :)

 

Thanks! I just applied so we'll see if anything comes of it. It was a weirdly empowering and defeating experience lol. Like I felt silly cause I didn't have a resume done (it didn't specifically ask for one but there was a spot I could attach a file which most ppl would attach a resume probably but I'm on my phone impulsively and felt like if they wanted one I could bring it to a hypothetical interview lol oh well) and my references felt kinda sucky and my experience felt sparse. But it was cool to answer questions about my philosophy working with kids and families and I felt like I actually knew what I was talking about!! So yeah idk we'll see.

 

I have Bipolar 2, rapid cycling and mixed type so it's a fucking roller-coaster. I'm having a really hard time right now. I can't tell if I'm rapid cycling or having a mixed episode, but I've been struggling with both hypomania and depression for the last week.

I don't get as much sleep, I have no appetite, I'm driving myself crazy wanting to be social but not wanting to annoy everyone. My mind is hyperactive. I keep feeling intense guilt over things I did last year and the years before it. The guilt leads to severe depression. I also feel guilty for cutting some people out of my life last week without any explanation (I just unfriended them) but I felt like I had to do it for my mental health. I've had some paranoia about someone from my past coming to physically hurt me and I can't tell if it's rational, but it's some really heavy shit so I don't feel like getting into it.

I'm doing what I can. I take medications, although I think I need to try some new ones. I go to therapy and talk about everything. I started exercising and decided to quit smoking (cigarettes and weed) and quit drinking. I stopped isolating myself and saw a friend over the weekend and that went well. I don't know what else I should be doing but it's so fucking hard right now. I woke up this morning thinking today would be okay, I even worked on a couple songs, but now I feel awful.

I don't know why I'm posting here, I just needed to vent I guess. I hope you're all doing well today.

 

Heading to an initial consultation with a new therapist tomorrow. First time I'm going in a couple years.

Hopefully things work out this time.

 

Today is my one year anniversary of quitting alcohol, cigarettes, and meat/poultry. But enough tooting my little horn, I wanted to stop in here quick and say thank you to everyone single one of you who is brave and strong enough to be so forthcoming About yourselves, your hardships, etc. I’ve only posted In this thread a few times, but over the years I have read the posts and though it breaks my heart to see/ have seen you all suffer through pains, trials and tribulations, it’s always given me hope. Knowing I’m not alone in feeling hopeless, being consumed by depression, anxiety, addiction. The way some of you have overcome barriers and continue to push through every day encourages me to try my best to stay on track and live the fullest life imaginable.

Again, thank you all for being here,and reminding me every day to treat others with love and respect because we all have obstacles that we think are too much to handle.

Love y’all.

 

Congrats!! I quit weed and cigarettes but have yet to successfully quit drinking, and seeing other people celebrate it (even strangers on internet forums) motivates me. You're doing great, and I'm glad this forum helps you. As much as it hurts to see other people suffer, seeing that you're not the only one going through these experiences can definitely provide you with solace in knowing you're not alone. And seeing other people overcome these obstacles is one of the best things too.

 

I'm doing better than when I posted yesterday, I actually started feeling better shortly after I posted here. The nature of bipolar 2 rapid cycling is weird, I can count on my episodes to never last very long and I'm grateful but that doesn't change the fact that they feel like hell when I'm going through them.

I actually came to post about something that annoyed me and I have a feeling people here would understand why. A girl I know shared that meme that's like *picture of nature* "this is an anti-depressant" and then it went on to imply that medications are universally evil. I understand being jaded by psychiatry, and I respect anyone's choice not to take medications, but medication-shaming really gets to me. I can't function without meds, I've tried. I tried because of the stigma of taking medications, became more manic than I ever had been, I'm lucky I didn't fuck up my life before going back on them. Posts like that don't really help with the medication stigma at all. I'm so tempted to comment but other people already voiced similar views to mine and she's just like "chill, this is just my opinion" and facebook debates are really just never worth it.

Also, I'm now really tempted to tell my next psychiatrist that I want to be prescribed nature and see how he reacts.

 

Glad I applied for another job. Idk if anything will come of it but it has been so rough from all aspects lately and I'm so done I'm even willing to leave after the school year with no job lined up and just my savings, which would be stupid and i wouldnt get too far but it shouldn't be this hard.

 

Been really out of sync this week. Had a panic attack at work on Monday and just never sort of got back into things. Do have a job interview tomorrow after work. Managed the initial screen call at like 7 in the morning after I was told the wrong time. Somehow they didn't figure out I just woke up. Not sold I want the job, even should they miraculously want me, but the location is where I want to be, and that might just matter most, least for the moment.

Just want the week to be over already.

 

I'm in such a bad place and my anxiety is crippling me, yet time keeps marching forward.

 

i feel ya boo

 

i feel like every day i wake up a different person. some days i wake up thrilled to be single, thrilled to work where i work, ready to go and leave work with the energy to do errands, even do crazy things like set goals. days like today i don't want to text anyone back or leave my room, hide at my desk at work, and just only wanna survive to the weekend. the swings are there - just luckily maintaining an awareness and control over them.

 

Thanks. I wish I was better at handling my anxiety. But here I am haha. It's driving me insane. I think I'm starting to see a path forward, but I feel crippled in the moment.

 

I feel like I'm in a survival mode a lot lately and it doens't feel good at all. I hope things start getting better for you

 

The worst part is I feel like such a fucking idiot. I'm ashamed.
/rant (maybe)

 

what's going on? i know you've got a new pup and shitty neighbors, but is there a lingering situation you feel like you can't get past?

 

But you shouldn't!

 

Knowing what I should do and how I should feel is the worst part. I build up anxiety in my own head and then it stops me from doing the right thing so I can't feel good about myself. It seems to happen over and over to me. It gets so bad that eventually I have a crisis and then set everything right. Then I'll be good for months or years and then something negative happens and it slowly builds back up again. IDK maybe this makes no sense.

 

yeah, there is. I just needed some place to vent. I feel like I can't talk to anyone but it's eating me up inside. Haha. Since I feel so embarrassed about it, I don't even want to talk about it publicly. But it's spilling out from inside. Ugh. At least I go on vacation tomorrow haha.

 

i'm sorry, dude. perfectly placed vacation though!