Mental Health Thread • Page 173

I'm such a people pleaser it's hard for me to hear "I don't like you." I think there were a lot of other factors and I shouldn't take it personally, but one of their criticisms was that I don't seem like I care. I feel like that's one thing you can't say about me. I care too much. It consumes my life for the worse. I just wish people could see things from another perspective. It didn't bother me at first but I've dwelled and now I just want to crawl into a hole.

 

I miss her so much tonight

 

So I have panic disorder, which gets worse when I travel, which sucks. But aside from that, every month generally, for about 2-5 nights I have such an awful time trying to sleep. I feel so tense, my heart pounds, restless legs etc, it's brutal. I have no idea.

 

My current living situation is breaking me. I can’t sleep, I’m constantly anxious when I’m home, I feel perpetually sick. Ugh. I just put in my 30 days so hopefully I’ll find a place soon but it is really wearing me down.

 

I feel ya. I'm living in my mothers house until I move into my new apartment on 02/17. one month to go. God give us the strength.

 

Hey, exactly one month, that should fly by!

I’m going to try and get out of here in the next couple weeks

 

does anyone know any good ways to deal with Zoloft withdrawal?

 

My living situation has been unfortunate lately and I'm mostly surprised that I haven't been super depressed about it. It comes and goes but it's been nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past. I'm almost an adult, but not quite there, and it's been hard to find the motivation to get a job. Does anyone have any tips? I guess I'm scared. I live with only my mom and she's the type of person to take full advantage of any situation and I'm scared that she's gonna suck up all the money I make and use it as an excuse to continually procrastinate with getting a job herself. I know I need to get one but on top of the stress of school and dealing with family I don't want to burn myself out. Sorry for ranting here but it helps me clear my head a bit.


I do miss being a supporter and buying as many video games as I want, so I think that's good motivation.

 

not doing too well today

 

I found a therapist who also teaches eastern philosophy and found it super helpful.

 

TW: suicide....

my stepdad killed himself last night. I had just flown up from Chicago to Wisconsin that day, hadn't even seen him. it's my brother's 11th birthday today. My stepdad and I were never that close but my mom's pain is tearing me apart. The fact that I can't do anything to take away her pain. And on my brother's fucking birthday. He's not even reacting to it at all...he cried when my mom told him this morning but is just glued to YouTube like he usually is, I guess that's normal.

 

I decided to go off zoloft as I don't have insurance right now, and i can go a good 4 days without it. 3 years ago I didn't even to to go on it, but because of the loss of my baby and having an ovary removed, I couldn't handle life.

I'll never get over my loss, but I think I am ready to deal with it on my own, free of medication. Today I have the brain zaps, I cried for no reason and I feel empty.

the plus side, this going off the meds is making me drop weight like crazy. that is the only upside to all this so far.

 

Sorry for your loss. Everyone reacts in their own way. Maybe your brother is trying to escape it as best he can?

 

Oh sweetie I am so so sorry. I am sending so many hugs to you right now! We are here for you.

 

Coming apart. This is the worst I've been in a long time.

 

I love literally having no bearing on whether or not I'm coping well because my moods and emotions vary from hour to hour. I'm so unstable lately.

 

I love you all *hugs*

 

I hear that. I have no idea how i'm not under my desk at work crying right now.

 

if it's worth anything i lurk this thread because it's filled with people who are stronger than they think and it's really inspiring

 

Finally got prescribed medication for the first time, finally met a doctor who made me feel like the life I’ve been living up until now has been laden with unnecessary struggles that can maybe be sidestepped. I want to cry, today feels like the first day of a new life. Breathing very easy right now.

Hope you all are doing well.

 

After all the work and anxiety, was just rejected for a position because I'm not local and they decided to go with someone who was. Like maybe 2 extra day wait going with me. Fuck. Just so drained from anything and this was the only thing giving me any kind of hope over the last month. Just done. Fucking done.

 

1. The original therapist office I called and wanted to go to actually called me back yesterday and I have an appointment for early March. Like a month later than they said they'd call but oh well. Now I'm like... What am I gonna talk about? Haven't been to counseling in so long.

2. My nephew's birthday party is today and I'm anxious. I hate events where both sides of my family are there. Divorced parents problems. I'm closer to my dad so I'd rather sit and hang with them, but then I feel guilty? It's annoying still feeling caught in the middle. My friend is also coming and I'm weirdly nervous cause I hate worlds colliding. I'm sure it will all be fine but it's all pinging my anxiety.

 

Ugh I went to the party and my anxiety didn't actually manifest how I thought it would. My friend didn't come so worlds didnt collide and it wasn't as awkward with both sides of the family as it has been before, but it did impact my mood a lot. Sometimes if I'm surrounded by lots of people I feel depressed and wanna withdraw which is how I feel rn.

Also my dad asked me why I looked depressed and then my grandpa criticized me for smiling and I wish ppl just wouldn't comment on my face?? I have resting cry face. And my grandpa criticized me for smiling at my nephew. He was sarcastically like "aww everything he does is SO cute. You just think he's SO cute" and I'm like... Yes, I do. Screw off. Who criticizes someone for being happy at the sight of someone they love and who is important to them? Like why be that asshole

 

I’m not usually one to post on these types of threads, I usually just can get by, be happy and go on about life. But right now I just feel really profoundly fucking sad. And I don’t know if this is the right place this or not. But, I’m going to post anyways…

Recently, I lost my job which it wasn’t a glamorous or important job by any means I was in retail management. I was working my way to having my own store and I gave everything I had to it. When people have said in the past “I gave my blood, sweat and tears to this job” I always thought what are you doing that you bled? Lol. Well, I didn’t really bleed but I did cut myselfnoh boxes or something of the sort a few times. So I did? Lol. I don’t know.

The day before I lost my job I was packed into in a parking lot, it was an accident thatnin no way shape or form was my fault. I also, like my job don’t have the nicest car (I just am not into cars, I just need a reliable automobile to get me around). I had been in an accident about seven months previous (totally my fault, I was texting, looked down for a second and that was that) the side of my car was damaged but 100 driveable. So based on previous damage I told the lady I’d let her decide if we got the cops involved or not. We didn’t. Which I instantly regret because I looked back on it and the lady was not remorseful or really apologetic about it. But that’s not why I’m writing this.

I guess I used the last two paragraphs into what really has brought me too. It can serve as a preface. I have been with my girlfriend for almost seven years now. We fight on and off like I assume normal couples do (or maybe they don’t and it's what I’m use to and think is normal). Usually I don’t feel as if she’s a supportive partner. The time leading up to my firing I ws having a hard time at work mentally and emotionally. I was always worried, always scared that I wasn’t doing well enough and I’d have breakdowns when I was and I wasn’t at work. In the final weeks I stopped really telling her how I was feeling because I always felt like she was telling me I was overreacting, everything would be fine and I was doing great. No matter how I felt these where usually the reposes I’d get from her in a varying matter. It made me even more despressed. She blamed me for the car accident, no matter how many times I tried to tell her it wasn’t my fault (I was alone when it happened) she seeemed to in someway or another suggest it was my fault. When I got fired, I feared the worst. I wanted to lie to her and tell her I was still working, not tell her I had lost my job. But I couldn’t lie because I’m not that kind of person. So I told her and for once I genuinely felt support and like she was actually listening to me instead of waiting for her chance to talk. It felt good. As good as losing a job can be.

Until today… in the past week and a half we’ve had a few disagreements but nothing major at all (she got fussy because I wore a shirt of a guy with praying hands holding a rosary that has a air freshener attached to it in front of her parents. They didn’t care or mention it) and later she apoglogized. I told her I would take better consideration to not offend her “religious” parents (seven years, not a single time have they gone to church of any kind). I had forgotten about her getting mad at me until apologized. So that brings us to about two hours ago. I picked her up as I always do, we where going to do some thrifting and then meet my Mom for dinner as we usually do on Monday evenings. I opened the door for her to get in the car (as I’m in the driver seat) and I was brushing crumbs off the seat and I had a bottle of windex in my hand (I did some very minor and basic cleaning, lol) and she says in what I took as a snotty tone “Uh did you spray that on my seat?” And I snapped back: “No, I didn’t spray any fucking windex on the seat. Why would I?” And then we go back and forth with a few snappy comments like: “Oh Im just so glad to see you again.” She said it first and I said “Yeah so fucking thrilled to see you!” And I pull out of the driveway…

As I’m pulling out I say something about her being snotty and she starts screaming at me, I start to go and get just passed her driveway and I slam on the brakes. And. She. Punches. Me. I looked at her and said “You hit me. Again. Get out of my fucking car.” And she said I slammed on the breaks and almost made her head go into ge windshield because she didn’t have her seatbelt on. I said nothing more, just looked at the road until she got out and I told her I was done as she got out of the car.

As I could have predicted she texted me asking me to come back to “try again” and I refused. I stood my ground. I told her she was snotty and I was tired of being treated and talked to like crap (side-bar: she’s very notorious for talking and treating people ie me and her family like this) and no matter what she shouldn’t lay her hands on me. Again. She seemed to believe it was justifiable. As she texted me she said she didn’t hit me and it was hardly a slap and mocked me for sending her a picture of beet red ear. I wasn’t mad or sad at first. I felt very calm and collected. As I drove away and found a spot to park I got really upset. This isn’t the first time she’s hit me during arguments (maybe the fourth or fifth), she then turned it around on me.

To add a little more to this story: the restruAnt we frequent on Monday’s a good friend of mine works there and she always wAits on us. She’s still friendly with my ex-girlfriend. Me and my ex broke up 9 years ago after a year and a half relationship. Shortly after I had met my current girlfriend, she wanted to date me but I was not ready. I would talk to her almost nightly and go on about my relationship and how messed up I was (first real girlfriend / heartache) and ever since we started dating and arguments break out she accuses me that I want my ex back. A few weeks ago the waitress friend had a long Thread on her Facebook page from my ex, about a creepy guy we all went to school with. I have my ex blocked. So I don’t see this stuff but my current girlfiend does she’s friends with the waitress. So tonight she blames and says she knows why she isn’t going is because I can talk to my waitress friend about my ex (huh?) and tell her to tell my ex I’m single and she says “hopefully you get your girl back.” I have no desire to even talk to my ex and with the exception of a time or two I haven’t since we broke up forever ago. I tell my current this all the time. But almost every fight she brings it up. Every time we say we’re done she brings it up.

Am I wrong? I have so many emotions running through my head and so many feelings. I’m mad and I’m sad. Do I tell my waitress friend she shouldn’t be friends with my ex because it makes me current girlfriend uneasy? I don’t even know. But I know I shouldn’t have to deal with anyone putting their hands on me.

I’m sorry if this is the wrong place for this and I’m sure I have multiple spelling errors and misused words. And I know I sound like a 14 year old child in a shitty relationship. I just had to type this out to get some sense of what is going in my head and my life.

 

she hit you, then she blamed you for it, then she mocked you and minimized it. i realize "ending it" is far easier said than done, but she has repeatedly abused you and that reads as very unhealthy