Mental Health Thread • Page 135

Currently hiding out at my dads house cause they are replacing the microwave at my apt and I didn't wanna be there. Its such a silly anxiety thing but like... what do you do while the maintenance person is there? Talk to them? (omg no) or pretend like they're not there? (Omg no) maybe if it was a simple plug in microwave but it's like built-in ish so it seems like it would take longer? But my biggest fear is that the microwave isn't actually broken but i am just dumb and don't know how to use it (it hasn't worked since I moved in).

This is the most anyone has thought about a microwave.

 

Usually I just go in another room. I have a very friendly cat who helps break the ice though.

 

Read about Chester from LP. Trying not to cry at work because it's bringing up a lot of stuff for me - I write this in my journal far too often still, but maybe it can help someone else.

Say it as often as you have to.

Don't let go of the rope. Hold on. You can hold on. You can.

 

I feel so much guilt and fear since I heard the news. It is like a wake up call that I should get out of my catatonic state and do something about my current mental health.

 

This has hit me so hard I've made a call to my doctor.

I've kept my depression and suicidal thoughts as well hidden as I can because of pride issues. I can't overlook them any longer, I need to take them seriously. I can't take any risks, I need to address this.

 

"Good! Do it," he says, not following his own advice.

 

Do it with me

 

I can't afford the commute. You're welcome to come here. For some reason that's just the national progression for people in your area.

 

Haha I mean make the commitment with me if you're feeling that way

 

Ooooooooh. I thought you were telling me to move up Rochester. Well that wasn't clear at all.

It was clear. I'm deflecting. I probably should haha.

 

You can do it. You can.

For what it's worth, my childhood best friend died last week, and she spent her whole life clinging so hard to that rope. She was deathly sick from age 3 to age 34, and she didn't want to die. She wanted to keep living. And here I am with my bad thoughts and having to write that down so many times, and the guilt is nearly unbearable. I hear you.

I am glad you took that step. It's a hard one to take.

You can do it too. You can.

 

chibird

 

How is that not da share zone?

 

Really good read

Before His Death, Chester Bennington Helped Us Live

 

Um lmfao so I basically just almost had a panic attack while eating lunch with a friend I haven't seen in a while, and it was really embarrassing. AND this happened to me about a week or so ago with my best friend (thank god she understands my anxiety). Like I obviously had to go back to work, but all I wanna do is go home and cry. Also, I feel fucking drained.

I guess I'm gonna go to my doctor once my new insurance kicks in and ask her to prescribe Xanax as needed and maybe try something other than Lexapro for daily usage. Mental health issues are so exhausting, y'all.

 

My girl gets her first check tomorrow, I start my job tomorrow as well. So much stress, strain, setbacks, BLAAAH finally turning the corner, no more false progress either. We hit our rock bottom, we had to rely on my family to help us through, we had to bond together and face a lot and humble ourselves to make it this far and it's great.

Lot's of figuring myself out as of late too, weird... even in insecurities I find I feel secure in self enough a lot now to at least know that much (which often times is all that's really needed). It's nice.

Mental health deep breath. lol

 

Yeaaaah, okay haha.

 

My sister has gotten kinda religious and it's throwing me off. My dad went to Catholic school and we went to CCD growing up and were baptised and stuff but all that ended when I was like 8 and our family isn't like religious. None of us go to church and god is referenced very rarely. I think everyone believes in God except me, but nobody talks about it/it isn't a big part of anyone's life.

Anyway, I know my sister finds it a source of comfort and that's awesome but it's just like... jarring. I'm not used to it. She goes to church on Sundays and listens to the Christian radio station and I'm like........ who are you?? Lol idk. Its weird adjusting to it.

 

My cousin found Jesus in Indonesia. He's back in the US and asked me if I wanted to go to church with him and I was like, nah, and he was like kay. My mom was like, he (me) doesn't believe, but you should go, like why?

Anyway my cousin then told me that Jesus would reveal himself to me and has a plan for me and I was like, sure.

 

her husband was sick right? do you think that's it?

 

Yeah I'm guessing it is. She always leaned a lil more religious in general but it def took off after her husband got sick and then they lived with his aunt and uncle for a few years who are also very religious. Its cool and I get it, but I guess I project my own discomfort with religious stuff. Like yesterday my brother in law was joking to my nephew that he was gonna eat him and my nephew was like "you can't eat me, I have Jesus in my heart!" And I was like wtf lol. Its not like She uses religion to be a judgmental jerk or anything, but I guess really religious people were always Those Other People so it's weirding me out.

 

My brother texted me today asking if it'd be cool if he uses a dog watching service that one of The Couple now runs. I told him that the fact that he had to ask should have been his answer.

Then I got really, really mad. Why in the fuck would he even consider it? AND giving them money? So I group texted him/his wife, and my parents, and at the end finally wrote the words "me or them" and fuck my family so fucking much for making me have to do that. This is not hard, it was never hard, this is not a choice to even consider, and I set a mental health boundary and now you know what dad, you're right. It is an ultimatum now. Fuck you for making it come to this.

 

Just found out I have a job interview tomorrow. Then I proceeded to have a panic attack and my now my anxiety is off the charts. I know the interview is going to be a gigantic mess tomorrow which will lead me further into depression. I really hate myself.

 

The past few weeks have been so stressful in nearly every part of my life (work, family, relationship,friends) and it has just beaten me down. I kinda feel like a couple things are about to bubble over and I am afraid of what will happen.